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Archive for November, 2004


November 30th, 2004 at 1:03 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Q: Just who was the true source of the forged memos?

A: The ghost of Edward R. Murrow!

Why can’t I find Red Hots?

November 30th, 2004 at 11:05 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Red Hots are the best candy ever created (with Atomic Fireballs a close second). Why can’t I find them anywhere in Knoxville?

Walgreens used to stock the big bag of Red Hots, but now you’re lucky if you stumble upon a bag of Lemonheads in that place. I’m like a damn drug addict jonesing for a fix. Me want Red Hots!

Okay, sorry about that. As you were.

The Red Crescent speaks out

November 30th, 2004 at 9:13 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

The International Red Crescent has charged that the United States military has “used psychological and sometimes physical coercion ‘tantamount to torture’ on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.”

The report of the June visit said investigators had found a system devised to break the will of the prisoners at Guantánamo, who now number about 550, and make them wholly dependent on their interrogators through “humiliating acts, solitary confinement, temperature extremes, use of forced positions.” Investigators said that the methods used were increasingly “more refined and repressive” than learned about on previous visits.

“The construction of such a system, whose stated purpose is the production of intelligence, cannot be considered other than an intentional system of cruel, unusual and degrading treatment and a form of torture,” the report said. It said that in addition to the exposure to loud and persistent noise and music and to prolonged cold, detainees were subjected to “some beatings.” The report did not say how many of the detainees were subjected to such treatment.

Sounds pretty good to me.

What is it?

November 29th, 2004 at 2:01 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Is it a nightstick? A marital aid? A super-sized circus peanut? A big nail file? Does she have Captain Morgan in her?

Go here to solve the mystery!

That’s why they’re called government schools

November 29th, 2004 at 10:00 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

(via Boortz)

I heard this story over the holidays, but didn’t think much of it. Now that I’ve read more details, it’s starting to fester like a sore.

A fifth-grade teacher in a San Francisco suburb (of course, you knew this story had to come from the Soviet Socialist Republic of California) has been forbidden from using the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE in his classroom because it mentions “God”.

Steven Williams, a fifth-grade teacher at Stevens Creek School in the San Francisco Bay Area suburb of Cupertino, sued for discrimination on Monday, claiming he had been singled out for censorship by principal Patricia Vidmar because he is a Christian.

“It’s a fact of American history that our founders were religious men, and to hide this fact from young fifth-graders in the name of political correctness is outrageous and shameful,” said Williams’ attorney, Terry Thompson.

Sadly, this type of news is no longer shocking, especially in California. In this case, however, the teacher in question has filed a lawsuit, the details of which are available at the Smoking Gun. Do you think the NEA and the state teachers’ union will rally to his side? Don’t hold your breath.

Though his odds of actually winning in a California court are abysmally low, hopefully this will bring enough attention to the case to show how far these Marxists who dominate the government schools infrastructure will go to rewrite history in the name of political correctness.

I mean really, it’s the fucking Declaration of Independence, not a Jack Chick Publication!

While there are states where the government schools are more tolerant of religion than others, the NEA, ACLU and Federal Department of Education are continuing their campaign to destroy public education, and they’re already most of the way there. Dumbing down the public is their collective goal, because an uninformed electorate is far easier to manipulate. Why else do you think John Kerry got more than 50 million votes?

The BLAH-gosphere

November 29th, 2004 at 8:36 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

I don’t know if it’s post-election let-down, the upcoming holiday season or the rigors of everyday life, but I’ve been feeling like taking a blog-break lately. I’ve always tried not to blog when I don’t have something interesting, offensive or funny to post, but lately inspiration has been lacking (with the exception of Debra Lafave – she is inspiring indeed!).

And it seems that I’m not alone in this malaise. Just this morning, I was chatting with Johnny Walker Red, who has had a bit of blog-block lately himself, only to return today with a hilarious post.

David over at Sparse Matrix recently admitted he was suffering blogger burnout. Rusty went fishing, and a magical fish told him to check himself before he wrecks himself – he was later attacked by some angry water llamas, but appears to be okay.

Bill at INDC has lately found blogging to be more work than fun – but he has a hell of a lot more traffic to deal with. Even Allahpundit is MIA well into his second month, though he is prone to such abscences, from what I’ve read.

So, what’s the point of all this? Well, I’ve decided to quit trying to predict what my small following of readers wants and go back to my reason for starting this blog in the first place – blowing off steam.

What this also means is that I have no idea what I’ll be posting about from day to day. So while many bloggers have carved delightful niches for themselves, I have no idea what the six meats are going to be from day-to-day, and that’s the way it’s gonna be.

I don’t know if blogging about sports on Monday, islamofascists on Tuesday, moonbats on Wednesday, etc., will hurt my credibility on any particular issue, but then again what the fuck does it matter? This isn’t National Review for cryin’ out loud.

I guess when I start overthinking this blogging stuff, I’ll do the sphere a favor and quit. Until then, prepare for disjointed madness as long as the Buffet is open. That may be the only way to avoid crashing and burning.

Rather’s retirement

November 28th, 2004 at 10:02 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Those mother-farkers over at Fark.Com are predicting what Rather will do during his “retirement”. A nugget:

Those farkers are pretty farkin’ funny sometimes.

Late-night football blogging

November 27th, 2004 at 10:46 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

If the USC Trojans will simply put one more touchdown on the board, the lovely Mrs. Holmes will likely have a share of this week’s football pool victory. Additionally, if Hawaii can cover, she’ll likely win it outright, bringing her riches and glory unlike those ever seen in an office pool. Fingers crossed.

Sorry for the light blogging this weekend – as if anyone’s actually noticed. I had one major real-world-type project to get done and have thankfully finished it, so I can move forward to more unproductive stuff – like blogging. Hope everyone has had a delightful holiday weekend.


The crossed fingers must have worked. Mrs. Holmes won the week (11/12) and finished 2nd in the pool for the entire year. She has proven without a doubt that she is far better at picking the college game than I. Congrats go out to her!

This was bound to happen eventually

November 26th, 2004 at 9:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

No-good dirty low-down biatch sues American Express for allowing her to rack up credit card debt.

NEW YORK (AP) It’s not my fault. I’m mentally ill. That’s the argument a woman is using to sue American Express for two (M) million dollars after she ran up nearly one (M) million dollar in charges and couldn’t pay the bill.

Prosecutors say the woman – 40-year-old Antoinette Millard – posed as a Saudi princess to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. She is now suing America Express saying she was mentally incompetent when she opened her account and the company should have known it.

The woman is free on 100-thousand dollars bail and awaiting trial on attempted grand larceny charges. Besides the phony princess the woman is also accused of posing as a Victoria’s Secret model, which she was not.

I had actually contemplated this happening before now. If people are not responsible for their 77-Big-Macs-and-20-64-ounce-cokes-a-day leading to their morbid obesity and diabetes, then no one is really responsible for anything they do. It was only a matter of time before someone sued a credit card company for “allowing them to spend”.

I suppose this is different since she’s a fraud and a cheat, and not just your average credit-card-debtor. I say put her down in cell-block six where some of the more seasoned “ladies” can teach her what paying a debt is really all about. And if she looks good enough to pass as a Victoria’s Secret model, film the prison antics and show it on Cinemax as an “adult reality” series. I’d pony up for that one.

Pat Tillman for Sportsman of the Year

November 26th, 2004 at 1:07 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Johnny Walker Red and Blackfive have passed along a link where you can vote for Pat Tillman as Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. It’s a little bit confusing, but simply scroll down the little window on the left until you see a picture of Tillman, and then hit Vote.

It would be nice if we could get enough people to move him to first place on the poll, since all the other candidates’ achievements are insignificant by comparison.

Just go do it.


Sortapundit makes a good point. He doesn’t think that you should vote for Pat because that’s not what Pat would have wanted. It’s hard to argue with his point.

Throughout it all Tillman did everything he could to avoid the limelight. He wanted to be treated like every other soldier. He didn’t give interviews, and even enlisted in Denver to avoid the publicity he would have got had he enlisted in Phoenix.

Tillman didn’t fight for medals and awards. He fought because he felt the call of duty. He looked at his NFL contract, at the promise of fame, fortune and wealth, and decided that he wanted to do something more important.

So I don’t think it’s a great idea to vote for Tillman. I think he’d be embarassed at the thought. Vote for Lance Armstrong. Vote for Tom Brady. Hell, vote for the US softball team. Tillman didn’t die a football player. There would be little honour in that, with today’s astronomical wages and prima donna personalities. He died a soldier, with more honour than the rest of us can hope for.

My point in voting for Tillman (not that any of this really matters) is to point out that he represents true heroism, and that modern sports is such a bullshit exercise that making Tillman the Sportsman of the Year will serve as a handy reminder. Steve McNair playing a football game injured is not heroism. Lance Armstrong kicking the shit out a bunch of Euro-socialists in France six years in a row is nice, but not heroism. (His fight against cancer might qualify, however)

The majority of modern-day millionare sports figures are nothing more than pampered, self-important assholes. Tillman was the antithesis of that, which is why I’d like to see him crowned “Sportsman of the Year” and why I still encourage you to go vote for him!

Feels like Christmas

November 25th, 2004 at 10:00 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

We’re nestled snug in the Western North Carolina mountains this Thanksgiving – and it’s been snowing and blowing all day long. Definitely feels like Christmas up here – and we forgot our Christmas music for the drive home – it’s my fault.

One more Happy Thanksgiving to all you fine folks before I hit the sack. And for any of you who are going shopping tomorrow – what the hell are you thinking!??!!??!!

Happy Thanksgiving

November 24th, 2004 at 2:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, steadfast conservatives and bedwetting socialists alike.

Things I thank God for: the lovely Mrs. Holmes; our nearly-perfect offspring; my folks, sisters and extended family; my friends (well, those I haven’t alienated with this blog); the fact that I’m an American and enjoy the freedoms therein; those men and women currently separated from their loved ones while fighting islamofascists on our behalf; my health; and the list goes on.

One last thing I’m thankful for… the fact that THIS is not our new First Lady…

Big-ass burrito lunch special

November 24th, 2004 at 1:05 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Thanks to the good folks at Burrito Diablo for expanding my stomach with their monster burrito. Ingredients include, but are not limited to:


It’s almost Turkey Holocaust Day. Yep, that’s what the PETA freaks call Thanksgiving. They’ve even got an ad campaign – Holocaust on your Plate – to go along with it. Not only that, you can “Invite Holocaust on your Plate” to your town or school.

They even use this graphic…

to publicize their campaign.

This is not surprising coming from a group of mentally ill idiots who equate rats and pigs with people.

The use of the term “holocaust” should tell you all you need to know about these sick bastards. Equating the systematic extermination of millions of Jews with the Thanksgiving holiday betrays a detachment from reality so severe that the only remedy is permanent medication and hospitalization.

If you’ve ever supported PETA in the past, I urge you reconsider. These people are fucking sick.

Diced Tomatoes:

Speaking of special occassions, did you know that it’s Islam Awareness Week in Jolly Olde England? I had no idea either, but the Jawa Report and LGF are sharing some nuggets of awareness for those who aren’t as aware as they should be about the wonders of islam.

Some samples from Dr. S:

Were you aware that the Prophet Muhammed married a nine year old girl? I mean, he married Âishah when she was six but he had the class not to have sex with her until she was nine. Just wanted you to be aware of that.

Were you aware that Muhammed demanded that all Jews in the Arabian Peninsula be converted to Islam, be exiled, or be killed? If you were one of those idolators, say a Hindu, no such luck on the exile thing–convert or die.

Were you aware that the the majority of violent conflicts in the world are between Muslims and their non-Muslim neighbors or between Islamists and secularists within the Muslim world? Just wanted you to be aware on this most important week of the year!

What other things do they kill you over in Islam? How about breaking your Ramadan fast? Ok, they didn’t try to kill him….85 lashes seems reasonable for a 14 year old boy! How about if you’re 13 years old and raped by your older brother? Death. Blasphemy? Death. Are you aware yet?

Yep, I see no difference between islam and Christianity. It’s all the same God, right, unitarians?

Black Beans:

The Blogfather has a very interesting post regarding the replacement of Kofi Annan with Vaclav Havel, former Czech president. It would be a positive step – albeit, a baby step – but a hell of a lot more would need to be fixed before I stop demanding that the U.N. Building be blown up and the tin-pot dictators thrown into the East River.

Seasoned Rice:

Michelle Malkin continues to chronicle President Junior’s love affair with Mexican President Vicente Fox. The results of their copulation is an open border that guts our economy and threatens our security. Don’t send them a baby gift.

“Hot” Salsa:

It’s Uptown Girl’s First Blogbirthday. She’s currently digging her hands and face into the cake, making a God-awful mess. Go over and tell her Happy Blogbirthday!

Cheddar Cheese:

Here is yet another reason that Demure Thoughts will always be one of my crushes.

Sour Cream:

Last, but not least, Rob and Mark have knocked it out of the park with this one.

First, some background. Roly-poly socialist blogger Oliver Willis decided a while back that his losing Dim-O-Crack party simply needs re-branding. So he came up with some web graphics that will do just that, in his alleged mind. A sample:

In customary crafty fashion, Rob & Mark know a golden opportunity when they see it. They’ve launched a parody site as a tribute to Oliver’s campaign. A sample:

Oh, there’s more hilarity – and you can add your own – go check it out.

Late term abortion stirs controversy

November 24th, 2004 at 10:14 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Dena Schlosser, 35-year-old oppressed mother, performed a homemade late-term abortion Monday, and has been arrested by the patriarchal Plano, Texas police department.

The National Organization for Women quickly responded by making her a leading candidate for Reproductive Rights Superstar of the Year for 2004.

The media is waiting for Katie Couric to come out in support of a defense fund for Schlosser – much like she did for previous Reproductive Rights Superstar and Houston native Andrea Yates – whose record five-fetus late-term abortion earned her a special place in the NOW trophy case.

Stay tuned to the Today show, as when Schlosser’s defense fund is set up, Katie will surely be the first to let folks know where to contribute.

Rather worthless

November 24th, 2004 at 8:48 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Everyone’s favorite brutally insane socialist anchorman officially announced his Spring 2005 retirement yesterday.

Some are speculating that this announcement may be tied to the pending announcement of the Rathergate investigation results. Not so.

First of all, it’s not retirement. He’s simply leaving his nightly news post. He’s staying on at 60 Minutes II, where he has a blank check to run inaccurate stories based on forged documents. With that kind of freedom from facts, even I wouldn’t turn down that job!

Secondly, this is not really news. Next year’s retirement plans have been floating around since way before memogate. They may have only been rumors, but they must have been on pretty good authority.

Next, the report (due out next week) will result in absolutely nothing. Do you really believe that CBS is going to police itself? The fact that Rather is going to stay on at CBS is just another slap in the face to the public. Until that Marxist dyke Mary Mapes is kicked out of there, you can rest assured that you’ll be getting the same leftist drivel no matter which CBS “news” program you waste your valuable time watching.

On a side note, I was listening to NPR on the way home last night (yes, I do that occasionally, so sue me) and heard a strangely balanced story about Rather’s retirement. I had settled in to enjoy the hilarity of NPR tonguing Rather’s dumper, only to be taken aback by an even-handed report that even included an interview with the guys from RatherBiased.Com. Hearing such a reasonable story from NPR has left me feeling violated and unsettled.

So what does all this RatherBlather add up to? Jack squat. Beginning in March, there will be a new nightly anchor at CBS that I won’t be watching. Up yours, CBS.

Tennessee’s Lt. Governor picks a winner

November 23rd, 2004 at 2:06 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

(via the Gill Report)

Here in Tennessee, we don’t have much sense – I mean, we voted for Dubya didn’t we?

As proof of our lack of refinement, here is a video of our Lt. Governor, the senile John Wilder, enjoying dessert at a committee meeting.

No, it wasn’t flan, it came from deep in his sinuses, apparently, because it took a while to extract.

(not for the weak of stomach)

Bad luck

November 23rd, 2004 at 8:38 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Gloom, despair and agony on me.

It’s been a rough time for me lately. I don’t mean to dump on ya’ll, but you came here asking for it, now didn’t you?

First, I had to cancel that Russian bride I mail-ordered last week. I was looking forward to some Eastern Bloc action, too.

I let some teenage punks live with us in our house, only to have them steal my money from an ATM machine. At least they got what was coming to them.

I lost another e-bay bid. I really wanted this one too, because it tasted like salvation.

I bought a whole bunch of stock in the Aunt Jemima corporation, only to find that Condoleeza Rice was not going to be their new spokesperson after all. I know better to invest in a risky scheme like the stock market.

One of my prize poodles left a puddle on Tony Blair’s carpet.

The other night, I was settling in to watch Desperate Housewives, when a schooner sailed straight into my living room, causing me to miss the raciest segment.

My Hindu saint did not ascend on schedule.

Lonely housewives will not stop calling me for sexy romps. I keep telling you ladies, I’m married!

One of my favorite punk bands has sold out to Santa Claus.

Here’s hoping my luck improves.

Well, I lied, here’s some more sports news

November 22nd, 2004 at 4:26 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

For you local yokels, some sad news. Knoxville-News Sentinel sports writer Gary Lundy passed away today from a heart-attack.

I always liked Lundy because he wasn’t a U.T. sheep – he called it like it he saw it and wasn’t afraid to take shots at the Great Pumpkin when he deserved it. From the News-Sentinel:

Gary Lundy, an award-winning sports journalist for the Knoxville News Sentinel died Monday of a heart attack. He was 49 years old.

Mr. Lundy was a columnist who covered sports, mostly University of Tennessee athletics, for 27 years and had been with the News Sentinel since 1992. He graduated from the University of Tennessee. He has been honored as Associated Press Sports Editors’ national columnist of the year. Also, he has been named Tennessee Sportswriter of the Year four times by the Tennessee Sportswriters Association and twice by the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association.

News Sentinel editor Jack McElroy issued this statement: “This is a sad, sad day. Not only was Gary an exceptional sportswriter and journalist, he was a very fine man and as nice a guy as you would ever want to meet. We, in the newsroom, will miss him terribly, and our thoughts and prayers go out to his wife, son.and other family members.”

11/23 UPDATE:

Lots of great comments about Gary at Michael Silence’s News-Sentinel Blog – including an old Father’s Day column Gary wrote shortly after his son made it out of intensive care due to surgery to remove a cancerous tumor.

Plenty of other comments from other N-S writers as well as other notables – including Memphis writer Mike Fleming, Bama curmudgeon Paul Finebaum, and other former Vols and broadcasting types. Well worth a read if you’re a Gary Lundy fan.

(If registration is required, you can use email: and password: sixmeat)

I have no shame – vote for me!

November 22nd, 2004 at 1:40 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Wizbang is putting together nominations for the 2004 Weblog Awards.

I took the liberty of nominating myself in the “Best New Blog” and “Best of the Top 250 – 500 Blogs” categories. Hell, everyone else was doing it, why not me! I have no shame!

If by some fluke I make it to a voting round, I’ll let you know when and where to stuff the virtual ballot box – just like Doug and I did with the non-virtual ballot box in high school – assuring him of the Senior Class Chaplain’s position.

Open season on hunters

November 22nd, 2004 at 1:00 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Five dead, three injured after confrontation between hunters in Wisconsin.

Just before noon Sunday, a group of hunters staying at a private deer camp was heading back to its cabin, when they saw another hunter occupying their tree stand.

Sheriff’s deputies say a confrontation ensued and shooting followed. “One of the men was injured, he had a walkie talkie and was able to radio back to the deer camp what was going on, people from the camp went to the scene where they were shot and killed,â€? says Sawyer County Chief Deputy Tim Zeigle.

So hunters, here are three lessons to take away from this story:

1) If someone is in your tree stand, just let them use it. They will have to come down eventually.

2) If someone calls you on a walkie-talkie to come and assist with a hunter-turned-madman, approach with extreme caution.

Most importantly: 3) If a whacked-out hunter starts shooting at you, SHOOT BACK!!!

Monday sports madness

November 22nd, 2004 at 10:50 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Well, the weekend was dominated by sports news – with the riots and everything – so why not a quick Monday wrap-up?

Blue-eyed white devil NBA Commissioner David Stern came down with suspensions yesterday of many the players involved in the Freewheelin’ Friday Fracas in Detroit. And what was the real reason behind these suspensions? Why, racism, obviously. Just look at the players that were suspended!

How hard is it to add up? David Stern = white. Suspended players = black. End of story.

Speaking of racists, NASCAR crowned Kurt Busch the Nextel Cup season champion for 2004. The fans absolutely hate Busch (so much so, that they turned their back on him during his cup celebration after the race), which is why he is now officially my favorite driver. I am going to ask for a Sharpie 97 baseball cap for Christmas, in fact – hopefully Santa will pull through this year.

My Friday football picks weren’t too bad – I went 3/5 in both college and pros. In the NCAAs, I missed Michigan/OSU and Fla/Fla State. In the pros, my beloved Titans & Kelly’s Pack proved me wrong. I am still hoping that the Titans drop the rest of their games so that we can get the best possible draft pick in April. I realize that I’m apparently the only one who feels that way, but that happens to me frequently.

Not that anyone cares, but I was pleasantly surprised with Rick Clausen’s first start for Tennessee on Saturday. He managed the game well – threw some bad passes, but also threw some unexpectely good ones as well. If our defense didn’t suck out loud, the game wouldn’t even have been close. I wish there was a way out of playing Auburn in the SEC Championship game – they’re going to beat us like a stray dog. Especially if we play defense like we did at Vandy on Saturday.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog-browsing. That’s it for sports for a while, I promise.

Missed tackle blogbrowsing

November 20th, 2004 at 2:40 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

While Tennessee again displays its complete inability to tackle, let’s take a look around the Sphere™.

Rob at Say Anything reminds us how the left is very tolerant of a variety of religions – particularly their favorite religion, islam. However, they’re not nearly as tolerant of Christianity – and they never have been.

Michele, Dawn and Ace are all documenting how ACLU-types are already getting revved up to yank down wreaths, menorahs, nativity scenes and anything else that might smell like Christmas.

Oprah pulled off another coup by getting an interview with the celebrated dead Iraqi islamofascist over at Cranky’s place.

Johnny Walker Red disagrees with me about President Junior’s swing back to the left since the election. If I’m right, in four years, JWR will owe me a big bottle of Jack Daniels – the green label stuff. He hasn’t agreed to the bet yet, but I’m sure the public pressure will make him cave.

Rusty has a good round up of recent goings-on in the Religion of Peace™.

The game’s back on and we’ve got some tackles to miss.


The brawls continue! Just saw footage from the Clemson/South Carolina game – looked like both benches emptied in a huge 2nd half melee. If Jeff Quinton is at the game – perhaps he’ll have some scoop on the story – right now I can’t find anything online about the fight.

Fox Sports now has a story about the fisticuffs.


Stop the NBA season – disband the league

November 20th, 2004 at 10:20 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Part-time rapper Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers charged into the stands and started a brawl with fans Friday night near the end of the Pacers/Pistons game.

The game was stopped by officials with 45.9 seconds left on the clock after players from both teams fought by the scorer’s table, with the pushing and shoving spilling into the stands.

The public address announcer told the crowd the game was being halted and pleaded with fans not to throw objects on to the court, with many spectators having pelted the Indiana players with beer and other debris as they made their way to the dressing rooms.

The fracas started when Detroit’s Ben Wallace went for a lay-up and was fouled hard by Artest. Wallace then pushed Artest in the face, causing the two benches to empty and several players to exchange punches.

While lying on the scorer’s table, Artest was hit by a cup and then charged into the crowd, with Jackson and several other players also climbing over seats and exchanging punches with fans.

As a result of this incident, Six Meat Buffet calls for an end to the NBA 2004-2005 season and a complete disbanding of the league.


Click on Detroit has video of the altercation.

Foreign-born presidents? Shitty idea!

November 19th, 2004 at 10:00 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

There is a sub-sect of Republicrats who mistakenly think that it’s a good idea to amend the U.S. Constitution to allow foreign-born candidates to run for President.

This whole movement came about as the result of some dimwits who think that Ahhnnuulllld Schwarzenegger is the second coming of Ronald Reagan. Well, he’s not, and he should never be allowed near the Oval Office. Sure, he’s a better Governor than Red Davis was, but a ham sandwich would be a better Governor than Red Davis.

I don’t care how conservative the candidate is – in fact, I don’t care if the candidate agrees with every freaking one of my views – a foreigner should never be allowed to become President of the United States. There was a reason that our founding fathers structured the Constitution to keep foreigners out of the office – pure and simple loyalty. I don’t trust Ahhhnnnulllld any more than I would the Prime Minister of Nepal, whoever the hell that is.

While being American-born doesn’t mean you won’t turn into a traitor, it does increase the odds of loyalty to our country.

And who is behind the current congressional push for Aahhhhhnnnnuullldd’s candidacy? Why, Orrin Hatch, among others!

“Arnold has said for decades that he wants to amend the Constitution so he can be president,” says a statement from the group. “Now, Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, Senator Orrin Hatch and others have introduced legislation known in Congress as ‘Arnold Bills’ to give Schwarzenegger what he wants.”

Americans Against Arnold founder Alex Jones stated: “Arnold ‘s already running for president. His operatives have been dominating the airwaves, despite the fact that in major polls 80-plus percent of Americans don’t want to change the Constitution so he can be president.

Jones’ loathing of Schwarzenegger is clear:

“This narcissistic megalomaniac would have control of the nuclear launch codes if he were president – just think about that. From defending known Nazi Kurt Waldheim, using illegal drugs and sexually harassing women, I’ve never heard of a politician coated in this much slime.”

It’s not even so much that Ahhhhhhhhnnnnnuuuuuld is a scum bag, which by most accounts, he is – it’s protecting our nation from future foreign wolves in sheeps’ clothing that may beguile enough voters to take the reigns of the most powerful office in the land. This is such a horrible idea, that I’m aghast that it’s even getting serious consideration anywhere.

And besides, you know it’s a bad idea when Madeline Half-bright comes out in support of it.

Friday football picks

November 19th, 2004 at 4:45 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Since Kelly gave me some grief for last week’s lack of picks, here are this week’s picks. I would bet the house on every single game based on my outstanding track record.

Tomorrow’s NCAA games: Vols 28, Vandy 10 (they’re so horrible, we could beat them with me at quarterback); Auburn 34, Alabama 16; Michigan 27, Buckeyes 14; Florida State 29, Gay-tors 14; and for Jeff Quinton, Clemson 17, South Carolina 14.

In the pros on Sunday, all the players will be as high as Ricky Williams, resulting in the following scores: Jags 24, Titans 17 (I think we should throw the rest of the games to move up the draft board, but that’s not Jeff Fisher’s style, unfortunately); Indy 35, Chicago 10; Denver 29, New Orleans 10; Atlanta 31, NY Giants 14 (Why the hell are they starting Manning? Do they want to get him killed?); and for Lisa & Kelly, the Texans upset the Pack, 27-21. Sorry ladies, that’s just the way it is.

These picks and $10 will get you a scalped ticket outside Vanderbilt’s Commodore stadium tomorrow in Nashville.

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