Free Speech Alert: Lawyer jokes banned in America
January 13th, 2005 at 12:44 pm by Preston Taylor HolmesTwo men arrested for telling a lawyer joke outside Long Island (NY) courthouse.
It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.
“How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?� Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.
“His lips are moving,� they said in unison.
While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.
He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.
“They just can’t take it,� Kash said of lawyers in general. “This violates our First Amendment rights.�
I guess you can lump lawyers in with the rest of the “protected classes” that you’re no longer allowed to tell jokes about, including, but not limited to: gays, lesbians, blacks, women, blondes, jews, muslims, native americans, hindus, wiccans, cripples, vegans, democrats, union workers, hippies, the filthy french, toll booth operators, poor people, italians, asians, tsunami victims, local (but not national) news anchors, strippers, mexicans (legal and illegal), girl scouts, Arthur Ashe, prisoners, freemasons, unemployed NHL mascots, llamas, sensitive artist-types, grocery-store deli counter workers, buddhists, Judy Garland’s ghost, environmentally-friendly cyclists, the chinese, manatees, farmers, actresses, Christians…
Oh yeah, you can still mock Christians – they’ll soon be the only ones left.
Now that lawyer jokes are officially illegal according to the U.S. Constitution – oh, it’s in there – it’s right between the right to abortion and the separation of church and state – I think I’ll throw some out to see if that Long Island lawyer comes after me*.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One’s a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish. - What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand. - What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion. - If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
- Two lawyers have a suicide pact; they will jump off the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco at exactly the same time. Each has nearly the same body type and their weights are identical. One is wearing a brown suit; the other is wearing a blue suit.
Question: Who hits the bay first?
Answer: Who cares?!
* These jokes only apply to plaintiff’s lawyers and other ambulance-chasers (i.e. John Edwards), and not to the 10% of “good” lawyers like the lovely Mrs. Holmes and select defense attorneys.
UPDATE:
Right Thinking Girl and I think too much alike. That’s not good news for her.
January 13th, 2005 at 2:10 pm
(i’m commenting as a giggler. it’ll piss them off even more if you have a giggler)
giggle giggle, tee hee hee
January 13th, 2005 at 2:12 pm
While lawyer jokes may not be appreciated, you certainly should take caution when making them in Court. Sure you can poke fun of us, but not in our house.
January 13th, 2005 at 2:17 pm
Nobody comes in our house! Nobody beats us in our house!
You used to hear a lot of that down at Adelphia back in the day. Not anymore.
Man you lawyers are touchy.
January 13th, 2005 at 3:51 pm
I had no idea blondes were in a protected class! I’ll have to remember to tell a few people that.
January 13th, 2005 at 5:01 pm
You might have heard this one, but:
What’s black and tan and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.