Those filthy Canucks north of the border have come out and said that they want no part of the U.S. missile defense program.

Gasp! An international arms race!?!? Egad! Been there, won that.

I have a solution for those faux-Frenchies in Moosehead land - and an improvement to our country’s own strategic defense shield. It’s called the Super Missile Misdirection Magnet.

I haven’t completed the scientific, or effectiveness, portion of the system’s development, but I have completed the initial design. This supermagnet will simply re-direct all incoming missiles towards Canadian territories. As pictured in this helpful diagram:

I’ve already submitted the system to my high-level government contacts, so stand by for news in the mainstream press about this new groundbreaking system. For the time being, we’ll just keep it between you and me.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 3:11 pm
10 Comments and 11 Trackbacks | Permalink | Trackback URI

Comments

:: Trackbacks/Pingbacks ::

1. Blame Canada
   In light of Canada’s withdrawal for any more participation in the US missile defense program–an announced withdrawal, I might add, coming the same day a succesful test of the system was made–our friends over at Six Meat Buffet have come…

   Trackback by The Jawa Report — Friday, February 25, 2005 5:35 pm | permalink

   
   

2. They Just Dont Get It
   Oh, you can bet this will have consenquences. My uncle who lives near my parents in British Columbia has been complaining for awhile about the logging policy we have towards Canada, and now you can be sure it will get much worse. Wtf are they thinkin…

   Trackback by Flopping Aces — Saturday, February 26, 2005 12:44 am | permalink

   
   

3. The old in-and-out from Canada
   Canada has announced that it is opting out of the missile defense program after first announcing that it was opting in. During a raucous parliamentary session in Ottawa on Thursday, legislators complained that the government was “halfway in and halfwa…

   Trackback by UNCoRRELATED — Saturday, February 26, 2005 6:56 am | permalink

   
   

4. Canada Says United States Must Request Permission Before Firing Missiles
   Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said today that Washington must consult with Canada before launching any missiles into Canadian airspace:

   Yahoo! News (Reuters)—OTTAWA - Canada, which this week refused to join a U.S. missile system designed…

   Trackback by OpinionBug.com — Saturday, February 26, 2005 7:47 am | permalink

   
   

5. Babysitting
   Today’s dose of NIF!

   Trackback by NIF — Saturday, February 26, 2005 9:53 am | permalink

   
   

6. Saturday Brunch:
   For your weekend dining pleasure, we offer you to choose from one of these specialties: Local Favorites BMEWS has a photo. Eyes On The Ball News has the week in pictures. Iowahawk has a Scooby-Doo episode you never saw. phil

   Trackback by basil's blog — Saturday, February 26, 2005 10:03 am | permalink

   
   

7. New Missile Shield Solution (six meat buffet)
   New Missile Shield Solution (six meat buffet)

   Trackback by Dummocrats.com — Saturday, February 26, 2005 11:10 am | permalink

   
   

8. Babysitting
   Today’s dose of NIF!

   Trackback by NIF — Saturday, February 26, 2005 11:46 am | permalink

   
   

9. New Missile Defense Strategy
   Six Meat Buffet has come up with an excellent solution to Canada’s petulant refusal to participate in our missile defense program. This diagram gives the general idea:…

   Trackback by Moonbattery — Saturday, February 26, 2005 3:27 pm | permalink

   
   

10. New Missile Defense Initiative
    Six Meat Buffet has an interesting solution to Canada’s refusal to participate in our missile defense program.

    Trackback by The Red Republic — Sunday, February 27, 2005 8:47 am | permalink

    
    

11. Super Missile Redirecting Magnet
    Canada continues its recent foreign policy of participating and not-participating in its own defense (via Ben). One of our southern neighbours suggests an alternative missile defense solution (via Rusty). At least incoming missiles with be redirected t…

    Trackback by Ghost of a flea — Tuesday, March 1, 2005 6:09 am | permalink

    
    

:: Comments ::

1. you need that cloud moved over to the far right, that’s where Quebec is –just some fyi.

   comment by canuck — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 4:23 pm

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2. If I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the plan always been to try and detonate them over Canada?? ; ) But, um, where is China in all this. And what direction will those be coming from?

   comment by Dan — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 6:49 pm

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3. I like it, I like it. It seem feasible, we just have to put our best minds on it.

   Also, I don’t think this is mutually exclusive of my plan to just annex through eminent domain the good parts of Canada like Banff. We would just have to direct the missiles farther east into phrenchie territory.

   comment by Pile On® — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 6:57 pm

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4. LOL I love it.

   comment by Raven — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 7:59 pm

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5. I agree with Canuck, angle that magnet so the incoming veer off towards the babbling hellhole that is French Canada

   comment by jeff — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 8:49 pm

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6. Oh, but why should they join the program? They know we’ll protect them, as usual–until we deploy The Magnetâ„¢, that is… Excellent proposal, I must say.

   comment by Beth — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 10:02 pm

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7. As far as I’m concerned the whole country is French. From Vancouver (former home of the NASL’s Whitecaps!) to Nova Scotia! Nothing but a bunch of damn faux French bastards. I would like to aim the missiles away from former members of the Kids in the Hall though. And John Candy’s grave.

   comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 10:11 pm

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8. That is hilarious. Maybe you could aim the magnet a little bit east though. That way if it happens to still hit any part of United States, it will only take out the Northeast. We don’t need any part of it hitting good old Jesusland.

   comment by Glen Dean — Friday, February 25, 2005 @ 11:14 pm

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9. Good idea. We can have an arms race with canada.
   Let me see now…their navy is what? Three canoes and a bass boat?
   Got it covered.

   Air force?
   Two of those planes that take tourists fishing WAAAAAYYYY up north and land on water. Good to go against that.

   Army? Guys in red coats and funny hats with horses? Nope, thats the RCMP.
   So again…Army? Uuummm…I imagine they are like the MacKenzie Bros…eating donuts and drinking beer…at the same time, you hosers.

   Marines? They don’t have them. You have top be tough to be a marine, and the toughest guys in canada are the hockey players right? Oh, and a few of those bronc riders in Calgary.

   Yeah, we can have an arms race with canada.

   comment by Kender — Saturday, February 26, 2005 @ 2:11 am

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10. actually, i must say i’m rather impressed with canada and the way the canadian government has thought this through, about not joining. Beth is right, why would they join? if they joined it would mean they would have to dish out money, and for what? who’s pissed at canada? who would bomb them? AND they do know we’ll protect their asses; in fear of “looking bad”. besides, those poor bastards can’t afford it. what, with paying for welfare and “free” medical and all.

    comment by canuck — Saturday, February 26, 2005 @ 7:00 am

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