New Missile Shield Solution
February 25th, 2005 at 3:11 pm by Preston Taylor HolmesThose filthy Canucks north of the border have come out and said that they want no part of the U.S. missile defense program.
Gasp! An international arms race!?!? Egad! Been there, won that.
I have a solution for those faux-Frenchies in Moosehead land – and an improvement to our country’s own strategic defense shield. It’s called the Super Missile Misdirection Magnet.
I haven’t completed the scientific, or effectiveness, portion of the system’s development, but I have completed the initial design. This supermagnet will simply re-direct all incoming missiles towards Canadian territories. As pictured in this helpful diagram:
I’ve already submitted the system to my high-level government contacts, so stand by for news in the mainstream press about this new groundbreaking system. For the time being, we’ll just keep it between you and me.
February 25th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
you need that cloud moved over to the far right, that’s where Quebec is –just some fyi.
February 25th, 2005 at 5:35 pm
Blame Canada
In light of Canada’s withdrawal for any more participation in the US missile defense program–an announced withdrawal, I might add, coming the same day a succesful test of the system was made–our friends over at Six Meat Buffet have come…
February 25th, 2005 at 6:49 pm
If I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the plan always been to try and detonate them over Canada?? ; ) But, um, where is China in all this. And what direction will those be coming from?
February 25th, 2005 at 6:57 pm
I like it, I like it. It seem feasible, we just have to put our best minds on it.
Also, I don’t think this is mutually exclusive of my plan to just annex through eminent domain the good parts of Canada like Banff. We would just have to direct the missiles farther east into phrenchie territory.
February 25th, 2005 at 7:59 pm
LOL I love it.
February 25th, 2005 at 8:49 pm
I agree with Canuck, angle that magnet so the incoming veer off towards the babbling hellhole that is French Canada
February 25th, 2005 at 10:02 pm
Oh, but why should they join the program? They know we’ll protect them, as usual–until we deploy The Magnetâ„¢, that is…
Excellent proposal, I must say.
February 25th, 2005 at 10:11 pm
As far as I’m concerned the whole country is French. From Vancouver (former home of the NASL’s Whitecaps!) to Nova Scotia! Nothing but a bunch of damn faux French bastards. I would like to aim the missiles away from former members of the Kids in the Hall though. And John Candy’s grave.
February 25th, 2005 at 11:14 pm
That is hilarious. Maybe you could aim the magnet a little bit east though. That way if it happens to still hit any part of United States, it will only take out the Northeast. We don’t need any part of it hitting good old Jesusland.
February 26th, 2005 at 12:44 am
They Just Dont Get It
Oh, you can bet this will have consenquences. My uncle who lives near my parents in British Columbia has been complaining for awhile about the logging policy we have towards Canada, and now you can be sure it will get much worse. Wtf are they thinkin…
February 26th, 2005 at 2:11 am
Good idea. We can have an arms race with canada.
Let me see now…their navy is what? Three canoes and a bass boat?
Got it covered.
Air force?
Two of those planes that take tourists fishing WAAAAAYYYY up north and land on water. Good to go against that.
Army? Guys in red coats and funny hats with horses? Nope, thats the RCMP.
So again…Army? Uuummm…I imagine they are like the MacKenzie Bros…eating donuts and drinking beer…at the same time, you hosers.
Marines? They don’t have them. You have top be tough to be a marine, and the toughest guys in canada are the hockey players right? Oh, and a few of those bronc riders in Calgary.
Yeah, we can have an arms race with canada.
February 26th, 2005 at 6:56 am
The old in-and-out from Canada
Canada has announced that it is opting out of the missile defense program after first announcing that it was opting in. During a raucous parliamentary session in Ottawa on Thursday, legislators complained that the government was “halfway in and halfwa…
February 26th, 2005 at 7:00 am
actually, i must say i’m rather impressed with canada and the way the canadian government has thought this through, about not joining. Beth is right, why would they join? if they joined it would mean they would have to dish out money, and for what? who’s pissed at canada? who would bomb them? AND they do know we’ll protect their asses; in fear of “looking bad”. besides, those poor bastards can’t afford it. what, with paying for welfare and “free” medical and all.
February 26th, 2005 at 7:47 am
Canada Says United States Must Request Permission Before Firing Missiles
Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said today that Washington must consult with Canada before launching any missiles into Canadian airspace:
Yahoo! News (Reuters)—OTTAWA – Canada, which this week refused to join a U.S. missile system designed…
February 26th, 2005 at 9:53 am
Babysitting
Today’s dose of NIF!
February 26th, 2005 at 10:03 am
Saturday Brunch:
For your weekend dining pleasure, we offer you to choose from one of these specialties: Local Favorites BMEWS has a photo. Eyes On The Ball News has the week in pictures. Iowahawk has a Scooby-Doo episode you never saw. phil
February 26th, 2005 at 11:10 am
New Missile Shield Solution (six meat buffet)
New Missile Shield Solution (six meat buffet)
February 26th, 2005 at 11:46 am
Babysitting
Today’s dose of NIF!
February 26th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
New Missile Defense Strategy
Six Meat Buffet has come up with an excellent solution to Canada’s petulant refusal to participate in our missile defense program. This diagram gives the general idea:…
February 27th, 2005 at 8:47 am
New Missile Defense Initiative
Six Meat Buffet has an interesting solution to Canada’s refusal to participate in our missile defense program.
March 1st, 2005 at 6:09 am
Super Missile Redirecting Magnet
Canada continues its recent foreign policy of participating and not-participating in its own defense (via Ben). One of our southern neighbours suggests an alternative missile defense solution (via Rusty). At least incoming missiles with be redirected t…