WTW: White Trash Advice

March 16th, 2005 at 3:10 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Terribly worried about his tender psyche during his “touching little boys” trial, Britney Spears has offered some unsolicited White Trash advice to the King of Pop.

But the recently-married Britney believes all Jackson needs to help him sort out his life is a moustache and a beer.

She told the magazine, “If he did those things, I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably feels alone, and he needs some help.

“He needs someone to be like, ‘OK, let’s buck you up, let’s give you a moustache, let’s rough you up, let’s go to a bar, let’s get drunk and be a man.’

“And if he didn’t do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight.”

Britney may not be bright enough to notice… um…. Michael can’t be a man. He’s not a man. He’s a circus freak delivered here from outer space for our collective amusement. You were amusing too, Brit. Once.

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4 Responses to “WTW: White Trash Advice”

1. Stacy Says:
   March 16th, 2005 at 3:38 pm

   She’s such a train wreck…her idea of revitalizing her career is to marry a skanky backup dancer, so I don’t think I’d be taking career/life advice from her.

2. Eric Says:
   March 16th, 2005 at 4:33 pm

   I don’t think he was delivered. I think they kicked him off the ship onto the nearest planet, which, to our misfortune, was Earth.

3. Dan Says:
   March 16th, 2005 at 5:25 pm

   Yeah, but at least if Britney starts molesting young boys, there’d liely be fewer law suits. Unless the kids parents were professors, or such.

4. sadie Says:
   March 16th, 2005 at 10:53 pm

   LIKE…wow. That is amazing chutzpah she’s acquired to be handing out advice on how to be ‘classy’.