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Preston Taylor Holmes
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Helmetheads and Such

May 19th, 2005 at 4:09 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

With the ballyhooed release of yet another sub-par George Lucas vehicle, which will undoubtely rely on overwhelming special effects to distract from horrible acting and even worse dialog, I thought I would share some Star Wars-related items as seen through the eyes of my 3-year-old progeny, Preston Jr.

I will add that Preston Jr. has only seen bits of Return of the Jedi since it seems to have the most spaceships, which are his favorite things. And I’ll be damned if I’m taking him to that George Lucas monstrosity that starts tomorrow.

This is Black Helmet Head. Preston Jr. is too young to know that he’s supposed to call him “African-American” Helmet Head.
This is one of the White Helmet Heads. They do what Black Helmet Head tells them to do.
This is Yuke Skywalker.
This is The Death Store. It blows up.
This is the Circle Spaceship, not to be confused with other non-circular spaceships.
Big Spaceship. It chases the other spaceships.
This is an Asteroid.
These are Space Rocks, not asteroids.
This is the Big Worm. The Circle Spaceship flies out of the big worm.
This is Colt 45. Okay, that’s what I call him, not Preston Jr. No malt liquor for Preston Jr until he’s 15!
This is Yoda. R2D2 doesn’t like him. He says “To the Muppet Show I must go!”
This is C-P-3-0. Preston Jr. knows there’s something peculiar about C-P-3-0, but he can’t put his finger on it. Thank goodness.

14 Responses to “Helmetheads and Such”

  1. Hans Bricks » Sigh.. Says:

    [...] /index.php”>

    Filed under: I’m not gay by Hans @ 4:18 pm
    I want kids. (Would be nice to have a girlfriend to help kickstart the project [...]

  2. Beth Says:

    Preston Jr. is clearly a genius!

    I’m glad you’re not taking him to that monstrosity, too. Why indoctrinate him with geekiness? (Not to mention it’s not age-appropriate.)

  3. Conservative Thinking Says:

    The Guest Blogger Total is Up to Seven
    I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Preston Taylor Holmes for volunteering to guest blog here at Conservative Thinking. He will be bringing six meats to our pot luck here….

  4. Hans Bricks Says:

    I want kids.
    (Would be nice to have a girlfriend to help kickstart the project)

    I’m this close to turning my site into a daily plea for dates.

    I already got my baby’s first few days planned out.

    At the top of the list has got to be: BABY…

  5. Pile On® Says:

    So, Preston Jr. doesn’t care about horrible acting and poor dialogue?

  6. Katie Says:

    I never really got these movies. I suppose I’ll see the 3rd/sixth, whatever one, just for the sake of completeness. Gee, I wonder what will happen! Will Anakin become EVIL? It’s about time for a new Austin Powers…

  7. Fausta Says:

    Where’s Mel Brooks when we need him?

  8. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Where is Jackie Mason when we need him is the more pressing question.

  9. NIF Says:

    Über-Minister Maximus of Love
    Today’s dose of NIF – News, Interesting & Funny … It’s Friday, so blegging is free!

  10. Wittysexkitten Says:

    What junior PTH hasn’t yet developed a fondness for Princess Lea? Or does she have girly space cooties?

  11. Katie Says:

    Wow, Witty…seeing PTH…reminds me of parathyroid hormone, and that I SHOULD be studying for Boards…

  12. Mrs. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Actually, Princess Lea is just a little old for Preston, Jr. He prefers the gang of 5-8 year old girls (mostly blondes) who roam our neighborhood… who are ALREADY knocking on our door to ask if he can come out to play! Oh YEAH…he’s a stud just like his daddy.

  13. Eric Says:

    Is that the REAL Mrs. Preston Taylor Holmes?

    Mrs. Holmes, let me use the honor of this occasion to heap praise upon your choice of spouse.

    He’s a bastard.

    Rat bastard, even.

  14. Gordon Says:

    “… undoubtely rely on overwhelming special effects to distract from horrible acting and even worse dialog”

    And your point is? I saw it this weekend and sat there slack-jawed for two hours of awesome lightsaber fights and space battles.

    Oh yeah. I think one of the guys kissed Natalie Portman and then goes all evil. Kinda wasn’t paying attention.

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