Lucky for you sick freaks, one of my Nashville sources was able to get his hands on a transcript from a recent 911 call from a hysterical muslim to the Nashville Metro Police Department after discovering a soiled copy of the quran at a Nashville apartment complex:

* Ring Ring *

Hysterical muslim: Where are you? Why don’t you answer? The pain is shooting out my eyes at what I am seeing with my own eyes!

* Ring *

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: 9-1-1 emergency. What is the problem?

Hysterical muslim: Praise allah that you’ve answered! Look at it! Just laying there. Excrementated!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir! Please slow down, I can barely hear you with the wailing in the background.

Hysterical muslim: Please! We are all wailing in pain and sorrow! Send someone quick! It’s just laying on the ground… lifeless. This is an act of barbaric aggression!!! I cry out to allah! Look at it! The butt stink of 1,000 infidels has besmirched the pages! The chapter and verse that commands me to slay the unbelievers is besmudged with fudge!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir – who is lifeless? Is someone injured? Has someone been attacked? Please help me by speaking clearly…

Hysterical muslim: My holy book – the book of which I dare not speak its name for fear of using improper enunciation and defiling it verbally! It has been defecated upon and rent asunder! This is an assault on all that is righteous and holy and sacred! Oy!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Your book is hurt? Are you serious? This is 9-1-1 – we don’t have time for stuff like this…

Hysterical muslim: Please do not belittle my religion with your hate speech! The holiest of holy books has been shat upon! This is not your “Peoples” magazine! This is not your precious Tom Cruise Television Guidebook! Send a policeman at once!!!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Is this you, Randy? This has to be you, Randy….

Hysterical muslim: I will tell you one more time – send a law officer immediately or I will send you a fatwa so fast it will make your head spin! Well, maybe not spin, but fall off completely after your neck is sawed through with allah’s knife of social justice. Can you not see that I am serious! Can you do any less?

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Uh….. um….. allright… we’ll send an officer right over. Do not move the book, I repeat, do not move the book, or you could cause further injury.

* Click *

* Click*

Source material: Nashville muslim community angered at Nashville Metro Police Department’s response to defiled quran incident.

Hat tip: Leo Oshkosh

Froggy puts yesterday’s Afghanistan helicopter crash into serious perspective.

It can’t be said any better than that.

Too productive lately? Then you need a time waster! Try the GITMO ‘TERRO-GATOR from Are You Conservative?

Mix up your own bumpin’ track using some of your favorite soundbites from bedwetting blame-America-firsters. It’s addictive.

(via Beth)

A few months ago, when the new season of the Shield (the best show on television) started, FX started running incessant commercials for Morgan Spurlock’s upcoming “30 Days” prickumentary. This groundbreaking pile of shit was a tv-sized version of his idiotic movie Super Size Me.

If you’re not familiar with Spurlock’s movie, here’s the rundown. Spurlock restricted his diet to fast-food McDonalds™ brand fare for 30 days and became a fat ass and clogged his toilets with a river of grease-laden fecal matter. This lame-brained propaganda proved – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that McDonalds is singlehandedly responsible for America’s current obesity fad.

When I lashed out at the TV, which I have been known to do (big shock there…), the lovely Mrs. Holmes asked me, “why do you hate him?” My only answer was that he was a dime-store Michael Moore without the talent for effective propaganda. When I saw that one of the episodes of “30 Days” was going to demonstrate what it’s like to live for 30 days as a muslim in “today’s” America, I knew exactly what the show was about — more horseshit propaganda meant to demonstrate the intolerance and stupidity of Americans.

Thanks to Debbie Schlussel, I’ve got some evidence to back up my hatred for Spurlock. It seems that the producers of Spurlock’s prickumentary called Debbie for help with their 30 days as a muslim episode. She was interested, until it became clear that their only intention was to portray muslims as victims of today’s intolerant America – even before starting the filming of the bogus “reality” show.

To the fair-minded, thinking person, these questions are more than fair – and highly relevant. The answers, of course, were all too predictable.

Actually, Morgan, you drooling lackwit, 9/11′s biggest victims were the 3,000+ dead and their families and friends. You, on the other hand, like many liberals, are a victim of your own mental illness and biological chemical imbalances.

You should read Schulssel’s entire column to learn what scumbags and idiots are really behind Spurlock’s prickumentary.

Hans Bricks also notes that Spurlock is a super sized prick.

(via the lovely Annika)

Former Iraqi hostage and pissed-off Swede Ulf Hjertstrom has hired bounty hunters to track down and kill those who held him and Australian Douglas Wood hostage. Sounds like we need to hire Ulf’s buddies for use against the insurgency.

The good news is, for $50,000, Ulf’s boys might just get the job done. However, all is not coming up roses Down Under.

Pants-shitting leftist editor-in-chief of Australia’s The Age newspaper, Andrew Jaspan, was appalled when recently-released hostage Douglas Wood used the horrific term asshole to describe his sub-human captors.

I suppose people were very skeptical of Woods’ motives, considering he was a fucking hostage, waiting to have his head sawed off with a rusty knife in the name of the religion of peace. I question Woods’ motivation as well, I must say.

The best possible thing that could happen to Jaspan is to make his own trip to Iraq, and be taken hostage. I’m sure he’ll be treated well – he would be fed every day – perhaps they’ll make him a nice veggie falafel. I would just hope, in Jaspan’s case, that we wouldn’t waste any time or manpower in rescuing him. Because he and his mentally-deranged ilk aren’t worth rescuing. In fact, they’re not worth a shit.

President Junior chips in to help turncoat RINO Senator Lincoln Chafee (RI) with his re-election bid.

Sometimes it’s really damn hard to tell.

The bites keep coming. Another attack in Cape San Blas, near Port St. Joe (FL), has been reported this morning – not far from Saturday’s attack in SanDestin.

More info from local yokels at the Pensacola News-Journal forums. One commenter points out:

If those damn sharks start feelin’ chompy and coming up on the beach, I’m taking my damn Glock down there this fall. It’s only a matter of time…

Wimbledon
S. Williams – Day 6
Saturday, June 25, 2005

Q. How are you feeling after that?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Horrible.

Q. Yeah?

SERENA WILLIAMS: Yep.

Q. Could you elaborate for us.

SERENA WILLIAMS: No.

(more…)

With the U.S. Supreme Court’s current session thankfully spiraling to a devastating end tomorrow, there is still time for more rulings that take away our personal liberties and drag us down further into a miasma of Socialism and greater wealth re-distribution.

Back during our family vacation, I jokingly posted an entry titled “Sun, Sand and Sharks”.

I just got word from my sister, who is currently vacationing in SanDestin, FL, that a 14-year-old girl just had her leg taken off by a shark and died at the scene. I’m trying to find news online about it – this should no doubt be a national story. Shark sightings are relatively rare in the panhandle, and shark attacks even rarer, so this is rather unnerving. More info as it develops. If any of you Florida types hear anything, please share it.

UPDATE:

Come to think of it, sharks were never really funny. Unless they eat someone like Al Sharpton. Then they’re a little bit funny. But, as a general rule, not funny.

UPDATE 2:

Fox News Television has now reported the attack, but nothing is online as of yet. My sister added that the girl was on vacation with another family at the time. Horrible. She also reports that the shark was estimated to be 11-feet long.

UPDATE 3:

I’ve found the first AP story here.

More on shark attacks.

UPDATE 4:

Several more stories are available at this point:

AP
Pensacola News Journal
CNN – also claims shark was 11 ft long
New Orleans news

SUNDAY UPDATE:

Plenty more info out now on Saturday’s shark attack.

CBS News
Memphis Commerical Appeal – (video story)
Updated AP story

The victim, Jaime Daigle of Gonzales, LA:

The Donks are in tears again. No, not the usual tears of joy that they shed when things go wrong for our military in Iraq, but the tears they shed when they get their collective feelings hurt. Which, as you know, happens between 10-12 times a day for the average liberal.

It was bad enough that Karl Rove whipped their asses at the ballot box last November – granted, having full GOP control of Congress and the White House has proven to be absolutely useless to conservatives – but now he’s gone and pointed out the obvious about the liberals’ response to 9/11. The evil Rove:

The hilariously predictable reactions from the progressives on the left:

Chuckie Schumer: “In New York, where everyone unified after 9/11, the last thing we need is somebody who seeks to divide us for political purposes.”

Nah, we wouldn’t want to ever divide people for political purposes, now would we, Chuckles?

The Marxist Hag™: “Karl Rove is not just another political operative … He sits in the White House, a few doors down from the president…” [Rumsfeld] should repudiate Rove’s “insulting comments”.

The day that Hitlery becomes our national moral compass for political commentary, we’re all doomed.

Harry Reid: Rove should apologize or resign – adds that Bush should “condemn Karl Rove’s desperate and divisive attempt to help the Republicans regain their political footing.”

Harry, just as soon as you and Dick Durbin apologize, we’ll take your comments into account. Until then, to quote Chris Farley, shut your big fat yapper!

John “Mr. Irrelevant” Querry: “Don’t dare question the patriotism of Americans who offer a better direction.”

How dare we question Kerry’s patriotism! Righteous indignation! Indeed! You’d think they would have dropped this act when it got their asses kicked last November. They never learn.

Hopefully, Rove will not backtrack and cave on his comments. It’s refreshing to hear some actual straight talk coming out of someone in the GOP. Let’s face it, the only good thing to come out of 9/11 was that liberalism was dead and buried for a few months. It didn’t take long for the usual suspects on the left to start showing their hatred for America by trying to “understand” those who killed 3,000+ of us, but for a few short months, brutal reality trumped the mental illness of the left. It’s too bad it couldn’t last. Maybe this will help:

I knew Boortz would come through with the goods this morning. Via Neal’s Nuze, here are a couple of good real-world examples of why yesterday’s SCOTUS decision is such an affront to any thinking American – on the left or right…

Just go read the whole rant, as they say.

If you want to know why the majority of Americans are dimwitted, slack-jawed cretins, it’s because they’re glued to stories about Michael Jackson, Natalee Holloway and Crazy Eyes Wilbanks instead of news that actually has an impact on personal freedom, like SCOTUS’ rape of our right to own property. It’s times like these where I can relate to Michael Douglas’ character in Falling Down.

UPDATE:

Another real-world example of eminent domain abuse from Wuzzadem: Jed Clampett loses his house.

Most of you know Rob from Say Anything – he has had some substantial trouble with his webhost over the last 24 hours. Go show him some love. He’s brought you Anna Kournikova beaver shots, doesn’t that count for anything?

The tyrannical judiciary that runs our country continues to take away our freedoms at home.

SCOTUS ruled today that cities and other local municipalities may seize PRIVATE PERSONAL PROPERTY if that city or municipality decides that such a seizure serves a broadly defined “public use”.

I’m sure you’ve heard about eminent domain abuse – if you’ve listened to Neal Boortz for any time at all, you are probably familiar with several eminent domain abuse cases. SCOTUS ruled today on just such a case in New London, CT, effectively overturning the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution. A Constitutional refresher:

In the New London case, the owners of the homes who were getting driven out by the city weren’t interested in selling at any price.

So the message from the Low Court is “you don’t wanna sell, then we take anyway, get your asses off the property!”

And what was the “public use” that was so important that these people have to have their homes seized?

So the bullies with the cash, in conjunction with a court that loves nothing more than complete governmental control of everything it can get its hands on, have been given the legal go-ahead to take a shit on these property owners.

At least Justice John Paul Stevens was willing to spell it out so that it’s exceedingly clear: cities who want more tax revenue are now legally allowed to take any property they wish, no matter who owns that property. If the city says $15,000 is a “fair” price for your $100,000 home, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, that’s what.

Surprisingly, Justice Sinead O’Connor landed on the right side of this one:

If you’re a big-government leftist who doesn’t mind losing the right to own private property, then bully for you. For the rest of us, this is a catastrophic attack on individual liberty by one of the biggest opponents of personal freedom we have today – the Supreme Court.

UPDATE:

The Commissar has a good round up of reaction. It’s too early to tell whether or not the Commissar is chillin’ regarding this ruling – I will let you know as that news breaks.

A monster-sized roundup at Arguing With Signposts where they’ve been going at it all afternoon.

SEMI-RELATED:

Developers use Eminent Domain to acquire White House, George and Laura to be evicted forthwith.

Since Drudge wet his pants a week ago about the new Hillary & Bill rape revelations in the new anti-Hillary book by Ed Klein, I’ve been thinking to myself, so freaking what? It’s just another example of how Drudge has jumped the shark and is pulling out the re-runs to get a little cheap pop – just like when Jerry “The King” Lawler pulled down that strap when defeat seemed inevitable. Get the crowd going with the cheap – but predictable – stunt.

Dick Morris’ column yesterday in The Hill points out the obvious about the Klein story – that this attempted character assassination on the part of Klein is only going to hasten the Marxist Hag’s martyrdom and assist her in her run for the White House in 08. There is no need for this type of outrageous character assassination – she’s already provided all the ammo necessary to pound her eyes shut at the ballot box – why take that advantage away by making ridiculous – and over-the-top – claims such as these? Morris on the Marxist Hag’s already tarnished history:

If Klein really, as he claims, wants to keep the Marxist Hag™ out of office, surely he knows that this is not the way to rally the troops to his side and against her candidacy. That’s why I smell a fix. I’m not usually one for wacky conspiracy theories, but I’m ready to believe that the Klein book is a carefully orchestrated plant to rally sympathy for the Marxist Hag™ – and it’s doing just that on both the left and the right.

If there is legal action taken against Klein by Hitlery & Co., then that will likely prove my conspiracy theory wrong. However, if there are only vague threats of legal action and none is actually taken, then you all owe me a beer because the fix was in. Make that two beers. Each. Good ones – not that Bud Light puke you try to pass off as drinkable.

Congrats, brother!

The tadpole emerges.

Oh yeah, I suppose the wife should get some credit – you know, for all the labor and what-not.

It’s nice to hear some good news for a change.

11-year-old boy scout found alive and in good shape after four days in the Utah wilderness.

In talking with Eric at V.A.M. recently, we had discussed how differently we look at stories like these now that we’re parents. The B.K. me (Before Kids) would have thought “how unfortunate, a missing young’un.” The A.K. (After Kids) me actually feels a small chunk of the physical illness that must overwhelm a parent in this type of situation. If only every missing child story could end this well.

For all of you Durbinites who are gnashing your teeth about the “torture” going on at Gitmo, listen up. I’ve got a solution for you.

First of all, the resort staff at Gitmo needs to take each would-be-islamofascist-murderer and strap them in this chair:

Leave them strapped in until they’re ready to turn over some real information. Whether it takes a day, a week, a month, it doesn’t matter. Sure, they won’t be able to eat their rice pilaf or read their quran, but I’m sure they’ll welcome the break from their daily drudgery of fine dining and prayer rugs.

Once they turn over whatever information they’ve got, put them on a boat, take them several miles off the Cuban coast (it might not be a bad idea to drop them in a place where the waters have been chummed-up a bit) and take them for a swim. If they can make it back to the Gitmo Summer Camp without being eaten, then huzzah for them.

Once this process is complete for each of the murderers held at Gitmo, then we can shut it down and Carter, Clinton, Durbin and the rest of the mental midgets who’ve been bellyaching about it will be happy as a pig in shit.

UPDATE:

Dr. Shackleford brings you a delightful Tuesday afternoon Religion-of-Peace™ roundup.

We were enjoying a delicious Father’s Day pizza this evening at the Mellow Mushroom when I noticed that one of their TVs was showing some type of hideous bass fishing program on ESPN. No offense to you bass fishermen, but the only thing worse than watching fishing on television is watching fishing in person. No offense of course.

Anyway, that got me to thinking. First I thought… should I have another black-and-tan? Then I thought – what the hell are they doing trying to pass this crap off as sports? Then I realized that this is the same network that actually shows hours upon hours of people playing cards and calls it “entertainment”. This all leads up to tonight’s Sunday Night Poll…

U.S. House passes bill to slash funding to the United Nations.

I recommend that we continue slashing and slashing and slashing until we reach $0.00.

I was driving West on Kingston Pike yesterday heading out to Farragut, when I noticed the license plate on one of the cars in front of me.

It was a personalized plate on a white 4-door sedan which read “NAGGER”.

I had to do a double-take to make sure it didn’t say what I thought it said, which, in retrospect, would have been absurd on at least two fronts. First, such a personalized plate would have never made it past the censors and second, the middle-aged woman driving the car was definitely a cracker-ass cracker.

Just the same, the plate still made me feel icky for some reason. I have to assume that it is a joke – perhaps meant to express the driver’s tendency towards excessive nagging. Which is kind of understood if you think about it: middle-aged woman – probably someone’s wife or mother or both – for either one, nagging skills are a job pre-requisite.

Am I insane for reacting this way to such a license plate? Caveat: I realize I’m generally insane, but I’m talking about in this specific instance.

Related: Ralph Nader loves using the other N-word – and of course Al Sharpton gives him a pass because he’s been such a good soldier – despite the fact that Ralph caused Al Gore to lose the 2000 election.

SEMI-RELATED: Sweden’s biggest Ice Cream maker, GB Glace, recently unveiled “Nogger Black” Ice Cream, which uses a hip-hop-culture-style logo for marketing, which GB Glace says “has nothing to do with hip-hop culture.” Those crazy Swedes. Even worse, it’s liquorice-flavored. Bleah.

via Carbongeek

When I mentioned recently that Bono was busy snorting coke off of a hooker’s rack somewhere in Europe, I was mistaken. I blame that on my unreliable sources.

However, it does seem that he was busy getting an education on the Religion of Peace™ in Ethiopia (Where he once failed to “feed the world”).

Bono horrified by attack on aid worker in Ethiopia.

This must have been a temporary lapse in the ultra-tolerance inherent in islam. Either that, or, due to the technological divide between the world’s haves and have-nots, these women didn’t get the “please don’t stone women and babies” memo sent out from CAIR.

It is important, however, to continue sending aid to muslim African countries like Ethiopia, so that they can afford bigger, better rocks with which to practice their faith repeatedly upon those who do not worship allah.

Bono did later admit that his self-appointed position as the World’s Conscience could now be in jeopardy due to this eye-opening experience.

via Instapundit

UPDATE:

More from the R.O.P.™ on the home front (well, if you still consider Detroit to be part of America… personally, I don’t…).

(via Best of the Web)

You can now put Senator Dick Durbin (Donk-IL) on the list. On Tuesday, he had the stones to compare the U.S. Military to the Nazis (big shock coming from a bedwetting leftist). Durbin’s impassioned speech from the Congressional Record:

Somewhere in the back of the Senate chamber… Senator George Voinovich could be seen, quietly sobbing, clutching his tattered copy of the quran, dreaming of a glorious day when islamofascist murderers are instead held close by U.S. soldiers, and read to until they quietly fall asleep, dreaming sweet dreams of blood-soaked jihad.

UPDATE:

Anyone who has ever considered the Daily “Screw ‘Em” Kock to have any credibility can cram that idea in the nearest garbage can.

The Jawa Report: Daily Kock claims that U.S. “torture” equal to that of Saddam Hussein.

What more can you say about a fuckface like Kos – he’s gone from standard left-tard to raving lunatic with that claim. Visit Prince Jawa for an enlightening demonstration of why Kos’ comparison reeks of drooling idiocy. (Warning: Graphic images of actual torture)

More than 100 FBI, IRS, TBI and THP officers struck an alleged cockfighting complex near Newport, TN this weekend*.

I’m usually pretty quick to brag about the great state of Tennessee – this particular story, however, isn’t one of those that gets me in a braggin’ mood. From the scope of the operation, this was pretty serious business:

(more…)

In watching the continuing coverage of the Jacko verdict last night, I was shocked to see this particular segment on the Fox News Channel. (This transcript may not be exact as I was already blasted by 9:30 pm)

Gerardo: Johnnie, as an attorney who has certainly had his fair share of high-profile cases, what is your take on this non-guilty verdict?

Cochran: If I’m in the ground… don’t expect a sound.

Gerardo: After taking so much heat for getting O.J. off the hook for decapitating his wife and her boy toy, do you feel vindicated by this verdict?

Cochran: Look around, you’re talking with a burial mound.

Gerardo: Wasn’t this trial really all about race? That was why they went after O.J. – wasn’t this persecution because Michael Jackson is African-American?

Cochran: If I don’t answer, it’s because I’m dead from cancer.

Gerardo: One last thing before we turn you back over to the underworld… Is it true that you materialized as a ghastly apparition in the jury room and swayed the jury to return a sweeping Not Guilty verdict?

Cochran: It’s not polite to boast… when you’re a ghost.

Gerardo: That’s about it from graveside, back to you Sean, you self-righteous little goody-goody GOP mouthpiece…