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This Just In… Indy 500 Results

June 2nd, 2005 at 8:51 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

In case you missed the all-important Indy 500 results, here is how the top ten finished with important racing statistics included:

1. Dan Wheldon (26) – D/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
2. Vitor Meira (17) – P/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
3. Bryan Herta (7) – D/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
4. Danica Patrick (16) – P/H – Genitalia: Vagina
5. Buddy Lazier (95) – D/C – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
6. Dario Franchitti (27) – D/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
7. Scott Sharp (8) – P/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
8. Tony Kanaan (11) – D/H – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
9. Helio Castroneves (3) – D/T – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles
10. Ryan Briscoe (33) – P/T – Genitalia: Penis & Testicles

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5 Responses to “This Just In… Indy 500 Results”

  1. Hector Vex Says:
    June 2nd, 2005 at 10:04 am

    Really? The way they were covering the race, I thought it was just Danica racing alone. I didn’t know all those cocks & balls were there with here. Almost seems like the cast listing for a gang bang.

  2. the Pirate Says:
    June 2nd, 2005 at 10:49 am

    Oh the coverage on ESPN was insufferable, now they are on Robbie Gordon because he said they should add weight to her car to level the playing field.

  3. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:
    June 2nd, 2005 at 11:19 am

    Quite honestly, I didn’t watch the race and throwing a semi-hot chick into the field isn’t going to get me to watch an auto race, period.

    However, if it does turn into some type of porn-racing, I’m all over it.

  4. the Pirate Says:
    June 2nd, 2005 at 11:53 am

    I was just talking about Sportscenter, I was out in the mountains during the race.

  5. Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith Says:
    June 2nd, 2005 at 1:11 pm

    If they’re looking to add extra weight to her car for the next race, I’d be more than happy to volunteer to be on top of her for the duration of the race. And if that’s the case, best to move the race to my neighborhood. And also best to exchange her car for my couch.

    I don’t think you guys’ll want to watch this now… Jihad Jimmy is a mug you don’t wanna chug. ooh yeah

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