And the verdict is GUILTY. Michael Jackson is definitely GUILTY of being a complete freak of nature and should be put away whether they prove the molestation case or not.

(Conflicting reports that there is a verdict… ABC says there isn’t a verdict… Hannity says there is a verdict… blah blah blah…)

One more verdict is in… this guy is still GUILTY of being a complete embarrassment to all of humanity and my town.

My prediction: MJ will get off the hook – there’s no way an all white California jury is going to convict another white guy.

Stand by for news… or don’t.

UPDATE:

Also GUILTY of owning some type of pet monkey. That’s just wrong. Set the monkey free, Jacko. SET IT FREE!

UPDATE 2:

Also GUILTY of inappropriately touching the aforementioned pet monkey. That’s even more wrong. It remains unclear as to whether or not Jacko asked a third party to “touch his monkey”.

UPDATE 3:

Also GUILTY of bleaching his skin and slicing his nose off with the aid of surgeons. Why, Michael, why?!? You were such a cute kid… and even a serviceable-looking young adult. Your nose was just fine before you hacked it off leaving two skeleton-looking holes. I mean, what happens when you sneeze? Does that tiny bit of cartilage in the middle flap in the wind like a cheap umbrella? That’s just wrong, that nose-replacement-pointy-skin-flap-thing.

UPDATE 4:

Also GUILTY of giving his unfortunate offspring wacky-ass names like Prince Primary Lionheart and Princess Lavonia Madagascar or some such nonsense. He also makes them wear some kind of headgear in public. That’s wrong, that is.

UPDATE 5:

I don’t know what the damn verdict is, and I don’t really care. I do kind of hope he gets locked up though. Or run over by his own Neverland rollercoaster.

UPDATE 6:

Others attending the all-night Neverland party:

Jen & Company filling in at Ace’s place
Beth
Vince
Merri
Commissar
Goldstein
And by the way, my live-blogging kicked the crap out of Malkin’s live-blogging (though I was hoping for a riot tonight as well… there is nothing on TV tonight…)

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