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Nine-One-One Are You Hearing Me? I am Speaking To You! Hello?

June 30th, 2005 at 10:30 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Lucky for you sick freaks, one of my Nashville sources was able to get his hands on a transcript from a recent 911 call from a hysterical muslim to the Nashville Metro Police Department after discovering a soiled copy of the quran at a Nashville apartment complex:

* Ring Ring *

Hysterical muslim: Where are you? Why don’t you answer? The pain is shooting out my eyes at what I am seeing with my own eyes!

* Ring *

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: 9-1-1 emergency. What is the problem?

Hysterical muslim: Praise allah that you’ve answered! Look at it! Just laying there. Excrementated!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir! Please slow down, I can barely hear you with the wailing in the background.

Hysterical muslim: Please! We are all wailing in pain and sorrow! Send someone quick! It’s just laying on the ground… lifeless. This is an act of barbaric aggression!!! I cry out to allah! Look at it! The butt stink of 1,000 infidels has besmirched the pages! The chapter and verse that commands me to slay the unbelievers is besmudged with fudge!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir – who is lifeless? Is someone injured? Has someone been attacked? Please help me by speaking clearly…

Hysterical muslim: My holy book – the book of which I dare not speak its name for fear of using improper enunciation and defiling it verbally! It has been defecated upon and rent asunder! This is an assault on all that is righteous and holy and sacred! Oy!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Your book is hurt? Are you serious? This is 9-1-1 – we don’t have time for stuff like this…

Hysterical muslim: Please do not belittle my religion with your hate speech! The holiest of holy books has been shat upon! This is not your “Peoples” magazine! This is not your precious Tom Cruise Television Guidebook! Send a policeman at once!!!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Is this you, Randy? This has to be you, Randy….

Hysterical muslim: I will tell you one more time – send a law officer immediately or I will send you a fatwa so fast it will make your head spin! Well, maybe not spin, but fall off completely after your neck is sawed through with allah’s knife of social justice. Can you not see that I am serious! Can you do any less?

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Uh….. um….. allright… we’ll send an officer right over. Do not move the book, I repeat, do not move the book, or you could cause further injury.

* Click *

* Click*

Source material: Nashville muslim community angered at Nashville Metro Police Department’s response to defiled quran incident.

Hat tip: Leo Oshkosh

8 Responses to “Nine-One-One Are You Hearing Me? I am Speaking To You! Hello?”

  1. canuck Says:

    when will we stop catering to these people?

    in honour of this little event, i nominate sunday as “desecrate a quran” day. yes, folks. step on it, pee on it, run it over with your car. let the 911 calls begin!

    (i can see it now. new law passed! it is now against the law to desecrate and/or mishandle a quran. punishable by death.)

  2. Feisty Says:

    The duty of the coppers is public safety, right? RIGHT?!?!??! How is a ripped out page of a book a “high priority over other calls for help? That’s almost anti-public safety as it could keep the coppers from bustin’ up something, errrr, important-like.

  3. Thomas Jackson Says:

    My God we’re supposed to tolerate flag burning and have to put up with this crap? :twisted:

  4. Improbulus Maximus Says:

    Yep, it’s okay to burn the flag, and it’s even okay for Muslims to cut people’s heads off and drag their burned bodies through the streets, but how dare anyone do anything to offend our enemies. Muslims are subhuman scum and will kill us all if we don’t stop them.

  5. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Let’s be clear… it’s not ALL muslims. Just the radical ones who qualify as islamofascists. There are some moderate muslims out there.

  6. Joe Mama Says:

    “Let’s be clear… it’s not ALL muslims. Just the radical ones who qualify as islamofascists. There are some moderate muslims out there.”

    Yeah, and some honest lawyers. Honest.

    This smacks of the “good German” argument. They who do not denounce, are enablers at best, co-conspirators at worst.

    Got any figures on the ratio of “radicals” to “moderates”? What, exactly are the criteria for each classification? IMWTK.

  7. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Joe, it’s not ALL muslims. There are some moderate, peaceful muslims. In fact, I met him. His name is Tariq. I consider him peaceful because when we met, he said to me, “Though allah compels me through his violent holy book to kill you, I probably won’t.”

    That seemed peaceful enough to me.

  8. Don Jones Says:

    I do International contracting for the Telecommunications industry. I was on a six month contract in Malaysia. I bacame very good friends with one particular fellow I worked with every day for six months named Ashmal. A seemingly nice young man with a nice family. I visited his home many times. He was always wanting to talk about religion and I simply refused. Finally I gave in and he wanted to know all about the Christian belief. I explained the best I could and then I ask him what he would do being my friend if I tore a page out of the Quran. He simply said without reservation “I would kill you instantly”. I ask him how he could do this to a friend and the Quran was only a book. He became very angry and I thought he was going to kill me then. We never talked religion again.

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