Invasion TimeJuly 31st, 2005 at 3:14 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes
Like many of the rest of you, I’ve been sitting by the television for the last several months, breathlessly awaiting every FOX NEWS ALERT that pops up while I’m watching O’Reilly, Hannity, Greta Von Horseface and Gerardo Riviera, hoping that they find Natalee.
But most times I’ve been met with disappointment as it’s usually another terror alert or bombing somewhere.
I think I’ve come up with a plan, though, to finally get to the bottom of this whole mess. Since the Aruban authorities are unwilling to do what’s necessary to find Natalee and get the bastards responsible, it’s time to suit up the the U.S. Military and INVADE ARUBA!
We already took care of an island nation once before – 1983′s Operation Urgent Fury – where we kicked the shit out of Grenada and a bunch of stray pro-Soviet Cubans who had picked the wrong place to set up a new Marxist utopia.
Aruba is quite a bit smaller than Grenada – and while the Grenada invasion took about a week, this one wouldn’t even take a weekend. It’s the only way we’re going to find Natalee – and you damn well know it. A quick comparison:
Fast Facts: Grenada
Area: 133 sq.mi.
Fast Facts: Aruba
Area: 74 sq.mi.
President Bush, do the right thing. Invade Aruba. Find Natalee. Bring those bastards to justice.