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WTW: A Twofer

August 10th, 2005 at 12:44 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

I realize that I should have saved the Crazy Eyes Mowing post for WTW, but I was just so damn excited to see her back in the news – and doing yardwork – that I had to throw the post up there prematurely.

Instead, this week, you get the stories of two white trash Florida moms who both ought to spend a good deal of time in prison, but of course, they won’t.


The first is Darnell Lee Kreuzer, a mom who claims she pushed a 5-year-old girl out of the way to protect her from a vicious, bloodthirsty rolling golf ball at a putt-putt establishment.

Darnell Lee Kreuzer says she pushed Julia Coelah out of the way to protect the five-year-old from a rolling golf ball. Witnesses say it was more of a body slam.

Police in Daytona Beach, Fla., charged Kreuzer with child abuse on July 28 for an alleged attack on Coelah at a miniature golf course on June 27.

According to local media reports, Kreuzer, 40, was on the course’s 18th hole when Coelah’s foot got in the way of a rolling golf ball. The woman grabbed the child by the arms and legs and threw her to the ground. She then allegedly swung at the girl with a golf club.

Kreuzer left the scene with her children before police arrived, but witnesses took down her vehicle’s license plate number. Coelah was treated for bruises and scratches to her face.

When police questioned Kreuzer, she told them she had pushed the girl to keep her out of the way of a golf ball, the report said. Kreuzer was charged with child abuse. She could face up to five years in jail if convicted.

She’ll get off on a white trash technicality, I’m sure. Not to be outdone, whitetrash shitbag Lori Marie Heine just couldn’t take her 7-year-old son’s complaining anymore and left him by the side of the road.

According to authorities, Lori Marie Heine abandoned her seven-year-old son by the road and drove off.

Why? The boy threw a tantrum after she refused to buy two McDonald’s Happy Meals that he wanted.

According to Zephyr Hills Police Captain Randy Delasic, the boy wandered up to a stranger at a local park at about 8:23 p.m. on July 26 and requested help locating his mother. The boy informed the man that his mother had gotten angry because he had asked for a cheeseburger Happy Meal and a Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal. She allegedly ordered him out of the car, told him that she was never coming back to pick him up and then drove away. The Good Samaritan contacted police who arrived at the park and took the boy into protective custody.

A young boy wandering up to a stranger in a park is never a good thing. Especially in Florida, where the state is crawling with unregistered sex offenders and Hector Vex.

When this piece of garbage, who should have been sterilized at birth, got to the station, predictably, she was hammered.

Delasic said the boy’s 23-year-old sister later called police to report her brother missing and was told that he was at the station. She was also asked to bring in their mother.

At the station, Heine, who reportedly appeared intoxicated, confirmed that she argued with her son about the Happy Meals, but that she parked the car by road in order to drink some beer and had only told her son to “go away for a while.” She later realized that he was missing when it started to get dark and had searched for him.

Wow. Two shining examples of why it’s a shame that anyone can procreate. We really should have some rules for that. Well, back to your Wednesday with you.

Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….


4 Responses to “WTW: A Twofer”

  1. Hector Vex Says:

    Nice. Just for that, I’m starting a list, and your name is the first one on it.

  2. NIF Says:

    The Opposite of Sleeping In

    Today’s dose of NIF – News, Interesting & Funny … halfway there!

  3. P Campbell Says:

    I’ve often made myself quite popular with my view that sterilization should be required by law in some cases.

  4. Conservative Thinking Says:

    Round the Reader: Wednesday, 30 Mar 2005

    Another Wednesday and another edition of Round the Reader. This week’s theme will be full assault (can you tell I’ve been playing Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30?). Speaking of full assualt, check out what Gypsy Girl has to…

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