WTW: Kill Whitey
August 31st, 2005 at 8:00 am by Preston Taylor Holmes
Feelin’ guilty? Guilty of bein’ white? I know how you feel. Sometimes I’ll get up in the morning, look in the mirror and remember I’m nothin’ but a white-bread cracker-ass cracker. Then I throw up in the sink.
Luckily, I’ve found a few ways to cope. First, I’ve been attending Kill Whitey Parties (via Say Anything).
Tha Pumpsta hops onto the crowded dance floor of guys in big T-shirts dangling from slight frames and ladies in short skirts and tasseled boots.
“Kill whitey!” yells Tha Pumpsta into the microphone as he bounces to the beat. “What . . . gonna . . . do dance . . .” he raps to the beat. “Kill whitey!”
The kid by the bar busts out with a break-dancing move. Women drop their booties and the guys slide in close. Tha Pumpsta struts around in an all-white outfit from his headband to his high tops, shouting it again: ” Kill whitey!”
Tha Pumpsta, who happens be white, has built a following in the past few years by staging monthly “Kill Whitie” parties in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, for large groups of white hipsters. His proclaimed goal, in between spinning booty-bass, Miami-style frenetically danceable hip-hop records that are low on lyrical depth and high on raunchiness, is to “kill the whiteness inside.”
If there’s one thing I need more than anything else, it’s to kill my inner cracker. I wonder if I should use a 9 mm or a .40 cal.
But that’s not all… I believe I’ve finally found music that speaks to my inner rapper. You know… the one that is being repressed by my inner cracker. It’s all the bad-ass artists at Crunkland Records. Sure, you may not have heard of them, but I’m sure you’ve heard their music blasting out of the low-rider Honda Civics pulling up next to you in the ‘hood.
Take for example, BCG. He apparently killed his inner whitey a long time ago, and he can’t be tamed.
And don’t forget the rest of the Crunkland family – they’ve all killed their inner whitey as well. Good for them.
Well, now I have to go and pimp my ride and what-not. Keep it ri-zeal, biatches.
Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….
Also see Pennsylvanian in Exile
August 31st, 2005 at 12:51 pm
BCG is nothing less than a low-brow, wannabe, suburban poser! Hip Hop is nothing more than a celebration of stupidity. The collective IQ of a concentrated area of these losers averages out below 70. Fukkin’ retards!
September 5th, 2005 at 6:46 am
Round the Reader: Wednesday, 30 Mar 2005
Another Wednesday and another edition of Round the Reader. This week’s theme will be full assault (can you tell I’ve been playing Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30?). Speaking of full assualt, check out what Gypsy Girl has to…