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Preston Taylor Holmes
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Let Them Touch My Things!

September 6th, 2005 at 10:25 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

If there’s one thing this hurricane/flood/American-style-tsunami has brought (besides death and destruction), it’s utter hilarity from show-biz-types!

Let’s look at what the painfully-divorced-from-reality torturous French-Canadian crooner Seleen Dionne had to say about the devastation on Larry King’s celebrity ass-lick bonanza!

I’m waking up in the morning. I’m having a coffee. I barely can swallow it. I come here at Caesar’s Palace every night to perform. I barely can sing. But for respect the people who come I am still singing. (perhaps the greatest tragedy of all… – PTH) When I come home at night, my son is waiting for me. I watch television.

Yes, we gave $1 million but what we expect, what I want to look like the rest of the world, I open the television there’s people still there waiting to be rescued and for me it’s not acceptable. I know there’s reasons for it. I’m sorry to say I’m being rude but I don’t want to hear those reasons.

You know, some people are stealing and they’re making a big deal out of it. Oh, they’re stealing 20 pair of jeans or they’re stealing television sets. Who cares? They’re not going to go too far with it. Maybe those people are so poor, some of the people who do that they’re so poor they’ve never touched anything in their lives. Let them touch those things for once!

The main thing right now it’s not the people who are stealing. It’s the people who are left there and they’re watching helicopters flying over their heads and they’re praying. How come it’s so easy to send planes in another country to kill everyone in a second, to destroy lives?

Let my people touch those things for once!

It’s almost as stirring as “let my people go,” but somehow not quite.

11 Responses to “Let Them Touch My Things!”

  1. Feisty R. Whore Says:

    Preston, if you’re ever feeling tired, poor, hungry, and/or black, feel free to stop by to touch my things. Consider it a standing offer.

    I guess you could just stay up late one night and meet the criteria for “tired” if nothing else, but THAT’S OK WITH ME.

  2. Smantix Says:

    Tell her that they’re downloading her music off the internet for free and she’d personally go down their to club them like baby seals.

    Expose them to a little bit of her rich Canadian heritage.

    I just wanted to touch your things. Is that so wrong?

  3. Merri Says:

    Okay – she just makes me sick. I think she should keep singing so she’ll stop trying to, um, well, talk.

  4. MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Says:

    Bonfire of the Vanities Trailer Park

    What do you get when it’s the customary day for BEULAH MAE!!! to post at MVRWC, and it’s also the day for the Bonfire of the Vanities to be hosted at MVRWC? The seventh sign of the Apocalypse? Thankfully, no, but you’re close…


  5. Canuck Says:

    haha. don’t think her crossed eyes didn’t go unnoticed, preston.

  6. basil's blog Says:

    Lunch: 9/7/2005

    Try one of these specials with your lunch: Alexander the Average has word on a soldier’s family in need of help. [via Soldiers' Angel - Holly Aho] Six Meat Buffet serves Celine Dion. WuzzaDem has part two of the Disaster

  7. Katherine Coble Says:

    I wonder if the invitation to allow the poor to touch things extends to her own home. Is she going to invite the Displaced Persons into Casa IHeartGrandpa to finger her wardrobe, sit on her couch, reprogram her TiVo?:mrgreen:

  8. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    I open the computer and I see that Celine lives at Casa IHeartGrandpa and I laugh until I cry. Finger her wardrobe? What a way with words you have, Katherine.

  9. Stacy Says:

    Okay, that was hilarious! I’ve never seen her in Vegas, but someone I know did. She said that she spent most of the show praising herself.

  10. NIF Says:


    Today’s dose of NIF – News, Interesting & Funny!

  11. NYgirl Says:

    Celebrities Unscripted

    First there was Kayne West, then there was Sean Penn & Operation Red Cup, now Celine Dion gets touchy-feely.
    Thank God for the celebs. We need comedy now more than ever.

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