Last week was not a banner week for Football Friday’s potpourri of picks. I went 3/5 in both semi-pro and pro, and for you non-math-majors, that means I was at 60%. Where I went to school, that’s a big fat F. We’ll see if I do a little better this week.

First, semi-pro ball. I have that same feeling of dread that I used to get in the mid-90′s during Florida week. The question in those days wasn’t is Florida going to beat us?, but it was more how badly is Florida going to beat us?. We knew Spurrier was going to out-coach us, but could our talent keep the score respectable?

The fact that Urban Meyer is still an unknown commodity – coupled with the sports-media’s fawning adoration of the man – makes me quite nervous. How nervous? As-nervous-as-a-four-balled-tomcat-in-a-room-full-of-rocking-chairs-nervous, that’s how.

So this week, I’ve gone from semi-confident that my beloved Vols will go down to Gainesville and own the swamp for yet another year, to that old Spurrier feeling that we’re going to get our eyes drilled shut.

All of my discomfort surrounding this pick has had me running for the toilet all week long, but I’ll go ahead and play the optimist – Vols 31, Gators 21. Elsewhere in semi-pro ball:

• UCLA 22, Oklahoma 16 – Is it an upset? Has Oklahoma fallen this far? I say yes.
• South Carolina 28, Alabama 24 – The Gamecock faithful will be drunker than hell Saturday night – expect the number of fistfights in Columbia to be directly proportional with the number of points by which Carolina beats the Tide.
• Vandy 19, Ole Miss 12 – Vandy pulls out another routine win on their way to the SEC East title.
• Notre Dame 30, Michigan State 20 – This is a good year to bet on the Irish – and they’re only going to get better under Charlie Weis. Dammit.

In pro ball, I’m hoping like hell that the Titans can regain some respect this week against the Ravens – a team that has always given us fits. On the bright side, Kyle Boller snapped his leg last week so we’ll be seeing former South Carolina quarterback Anthony Wright at the helm. On the down side, with our defense, Wright may have a big day. But since this is optimist-week here at Football Friday, I’m taking the Titans in a meat-grinder-grudge-fest – Titans 24, Ravens 17. Elsewhere:

• Indianapolis 33, Jacksonville 23 – Jacksonville is really not as good as people think. Plus, in the dome the Colts will run right past them.
• New England 27, Carolina 20 – Super bowl rematch from a couple of years ago. Same result, but not as good of a game.
• Miami 28, New York Jets 18 – I used to love the Dolphins/Jets games in the early/mid 1980′s. Not so much these days. Gus Frerotte for NFL MVP, baby.
• Detroit 24, Chicago 13 – This is like one of those old games from the 1930′s. Monsters of the Midway and what-not. Joey Heatherton throws for 3,000 yards in this game.

That’s it for this week. I may or may not live-blog the Vols/Gators clash. It may help me cope. Or not. It did help me cope during the Cotton Bowl back on New Year’s Day. Stop by Saturday to see if I’ve made up my mind. Game time is 8 pm ET.

SATURDAY UPDATE:

A couple of things.

First, I chopped down a tree in the backyard this morning. Once I got it down and dragged it back into the forest behind the house, I tore my shirt off, pounded my chest and screamed “TAKE THAT, SIERRA CLUB!!!!”

Next, Mrs. Holmes and I have been invited to a neighbor’s house to watch the Tennessee/Florida game, so there will probably be no live-blogging going on. There is always the chance that I will drink way too much peppermint schnapps and say things that offend everyone in the room – in which case I’ll be sent home and will probably do some type of drunken-shame-blogging.

Should be fun! I hope all you fine folks are having a good weekend.

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