A Brief Conversation With The Mrs.
September 24th, 2005 at 11:38 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes…while driving back from Johnson City to Knoxville on I-81, upon seeing a big-ass red pickup-truck with “Just Married” scrawled across the back window.
Mrs. Holmes: “Aren’t you glad that’s not us in a pickup truck on our way to Gatlinburg on our honeymoon?”
Me: “Yeah. I guess so.”
Mrs. Holmes: “I guess they’re happy though.”
Me: “I suppose.”
Mrs. Holmes: “It is one of the only three days in their marriage where he doesn’t hit her.”
Me: * Expression of shock and disgust *
She can be brutal when driving late at night. Yes she can.
September 25th, 2005 at 9:26 am
What about all the times the dude is passed out in the bathroom at the bar or in jail for swearing at the pigs or something?
Purty hard to hit the wife then.
September 25th, 2005 at 10:43 am
Wow, judgemental, biased, unknowing, pigish…Republican
September 25th, 2005 at 10:44 am
You Might Be A Republican If…
…you believe Bush’s tax cuts, a larger government, spending billions of dollars in wars and nation building have nothing to do with the deficit
…you believe that lying about sex is impeachable, but it is a fine thing to lie about the reasons American boys and girls are dying and being dismembered in an illegal war
…you believe spending money to build schools in America is a waste, but you support spending money to build schools in Iraq and Afghanistan
…you believe spending $40 billion a year for the Department of Education is too much, but spending $87 billion to rebuild the country we just spent billions of dollars bombing is good foreign policy
…you believe it’s patriotic and supportive of the military that Bush loves sending our troops into wars, and simultaneously cuts veteran’s benefits, military hazard pay and military family services.
…you believe raising the minimum wage to give more money to the working poor will cause inflation, but giving billions of dollars to the richest 5% of Americans will boost the economy
…you support the rights of a fetus, but if a baby is born to a poor person, you don’t believe the mother or the baby has the right to food, shelter or financial support
…you call anyone with opinions to the left of George W. Bush a “communist”
…you call yourself a “patriotic American,â€? but yet you display confederate flags to honor the people who rebelled against the USA
…you believe it’s perfectly fine to send American jobs overseas for cheaper labor costs where children work for pennies a day in hellish conditions
…you believe everyone who isn’t a Protestant Christian is going to Hell
…you believe homosexuals should be tortured to death just for being homosexuals
…you believe we deserved to be attacked on 9/11 because we have homosexuals, feminists and liberals in this country
…you believe that liberals are a threat to humanity, but breathing dirty air, drinking dirty water, the polar ice caps melting and other ecological problems are good for you and good for business
…you believe that AIDS is divine punishment for sinfulness, even when babies are born with it
…you believe that people without scientific training are qualified to determine the content of biology texts
…you believe that federal welfare weakens people, but corporate welfare strengthens business
…you believe that global temperatures are affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth’s climate that occur in cycles exceeding 10,000 years, even though you don’t believe that the earth is that old
…you believe that while you could never be homosexual yourself, other heterosexuals could easily be converted to homosexuality just by being in the presence of a homosexual
…you believe that state courts can’t be trusted to punish businesses or examine ballots fairly, but you believe they can be trusted to administer the death penalty fairly
…you believe that power wielded by business is good but power wielded by government or the people is dangerous
…you believe that environmentalists don’t care about nature, but mining interests, power companies and major polluters do
…you believe that youths won’t have sex if they’re never taught about birth control
…you believe that the ACLU is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the NRA is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution
…you believe that inheritance doesn’t breed the same type of slothfulness that other forms of entitlement do
…you believe that communism was not a viable system while simultaneously believing that only the “genius” of Ronald Reagan was able to defeat it
…you believe that all Americans compete on a level playing field
…you believe that Ken Starr is really a gentleman
…you believe that there is some magical quality about unregulated markets that cause businesses to operate in the public’s best interests
…you believe that Republicans that sell missiles to our enemies deserve to be on Mt. Rushmore
…you believe that not examining ballots and appealing to judges is the best way to determine the outcome of an election
…you believe in state-sponsored public prayer in schools, as long as the children aren’t praying to any gods other than your god
…you believe that you love Jesus Christ, and that Jesus Christ loves you, and that Jesus Christ shares your hatred of liberals, the ACLU, feminists, environmentalists, AIDS victims, homosexuals, President Clinton, Hillary Clinton and the poor on welfare
…you believe that socialism hasn’t worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn’t exist or is irrelevant
…you believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of sixth-graders when they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Holy Bible, which is filled with sex and violence, is good reading for all children
September 25th, 2005 at 11:31 am
You raise a lot of good points Nice Mouth Woman. Which is why I like liberal women.
After you marry them, you can stick rolled tobacco up your office assistant’s twat and unload a masive facial that only full length dress can sop up while your wife turns into a lesbian and leaves you alone.
So what are ya doin’ later? Assuming you’re not married in which case the only thing we’ll have in common is that we both like pussy.
/call me
September 25th, 2005 at 11:52 am
we all know preston did’t have a look of shock and digust. if anything, mrs. holmes only turned him on.
September 25th, 2005 at 11:59 am
oh, and ps. mouthy woman, mrs. holmes will knock you out for calling her a repulican. i’d watch out if i were you.
September 25th, 2005 at 6:29 pm
Dear Nice mouth woman,
I am intrigued by your ideas. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Your Friend,
MacStansbury
September 25th, 2005 at 6:32 pm
Smantix, for some odd reason, you just turned me on. I think that makes me a sick weirdo, but I’m not sure.
And from what I know of my dear, sweet PTH with the HOT HOT HOT Tennessee bloggin’ action, he was, in fact, visibily turned on by Mrs. Holmes in the car. May have just been a coincidence though. He is, afterall, a MAN.
September 25th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
Way to scare off the kook, smantix. Hilarious!
September 25th, 2005 at 7:08 pm
I never intentionally try to scare off any Nice Warm Mouth Woman. Or any of the other Carnival of Orifices she may be sheltering.
September 25th, 2005 at 8:24 pm
I can’t believe I missed this today while driving down the guts of Alabama. Thank you all for the double-barreled entertainment. Except for you, nice-mouthed woman. Unless you’re willing to sell your nice-mouthed services for a price to be agreed upon by both parties.
September 26th, 2005 at 2:01 pm
Attn: NMW—– Inheritance is an entitlement that breeds sloth, whereas a socialist welfare state stimulates self-reliant entrepreneurship? Roadmap, please; we self-loathing libertarians aren’t too bright. By the way, inheritance is not about the right to receive property, it is about the right to dispose of property when one no longer has a use for it. Your remaing points are irrelevant to me, as I am agnostic, homo-apathetic, and voting a straight Tyrant Party ticket in ‘08. “Vote Tyrant! (While it’s still a choice.)”
September 26th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
Preston….FTI, I get a cut of Nice Mouthed’s oral fee action. Make sure you don’t let her get away without her giving me my 50%.
Or else just skip the middle woman and come straight to me.
September 26th, 2005 at 10:46 pm
Welcome back to the states, Feisty. Glad you’re safe & sound.
September 27th, 2005 at 11:02 am
Thanks PTH dahling. Back in business. Ya’all can call and page at my usual numbers.
September 27th, 2005 at 11:59 pm
Once upon a time
Reading Preston Taylor Homles’ A Brief Conversation with the Mrs. reminded me of a conversation I had with my lovely bride not too long ago. We were watching television and the lead actress (Jodi Foster I think) was getting the…