Howard Dean invoked The Fugitive Slave Act yesterday in an attempt to quell an uprising led by a troublemaking abolitionist known as “Crazy Ken” Mehlman at an NAACP function in the lily white Northeastern United States. Chairman Dean’s backyard.

In an incident that shall in the future be known as “Bleeding Connecticut,” Chairman Dean declared “you have a lot of nerve showing your face around any of my coloreds” prior to Crazy Ken’s message of equality for all American citizens:

“Chairman Dean said it took nerve for me to join you today. The only person with nerve is Howard Dean, who continues to take the African-American vote for granted, who believes he can dictate who you should and should not meet with…”

Mehlman then began to whisper….”we’re also working on a railroad. Sssshhhhh….if all goes to plan, we may be able to get some of you out of the miserable housing projects, failed schools, cycle of violence and prisons and staggering number of abortions that Democrats have locked you into for the last 40 years.”

The NAACP has long complained that the Bush administration had not met with them since he was elected after the NAACP Voter Fund ran advertisements accusing him of chaining a black man to the back of his pick up truck and dragging him to death. Even though the three perpetrators of that crime were sentenced to death, death, and life in prison respectively.

While Dean was Governor of Vermont, he singlehandley presided over a silent genocide that dropped the state’s African-American community to an unsustainable .5% of the state population!

When confronted with this startling statistic, the former Governor responded, “That can’t be right. We had more hotel employees than that!”

When an audible gasp was let out by the crowd, the ever-charming Chairman Dean quickly recovered, “I…uh..mean those Republicans ain’t tight with you people like we be, right bro? I mean, ya dig what I’m saying? Homie don’t be playing that or some such.”

Strategists close to the situation have suggested that in the future, Crazy Ken should probably not waste his time speaking to racist organizations that still refer to people as “coloreds.”

Chairman Dean gearing up for another “Get Out The Vote” Drive

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