Football Friday
October 28th, 2005 at 2:20 pm by Preston Taylor HolmesI’m not one of those who is jumping on the Fire Randy Sanders bandwagon. Sure, I’ve trashed him mercilessly in the past, but I’d say the new “Fire Randy Sanders” website probably goes a step too far. I will say, however, that I did enjoy this new version of Rocky Top:
One thin, the other quite fat.
One clapped his hands each time a pass was dropped,
The other just dipped Skoal and spat.
Three and out and let’s punt the ball again,
Defense, get ready, make haste!
Wide receiver screens and draws on 3rd and ten,
All that talent to waste…
Rocky Top, you’ll always be,
Home Sweet Home to me.
Good ol’ Rocky Top,
Underachiever of the SEC.
Sanders must go. Of that, there is no doubt,
But Fat Phil’s too scared to risk it.
All he really cares to think about,
Is where he might find his next biscuit.
3rd and long and let’s call a shovel pass,
‘Cause Sanders has doo-doo for brains.
That’s why Rocky Top is ranked near last,
In scoring and offensive gains.
Rocky Top, you’ll always be,
Home Sweet Home to me.
Good ol’ Rocky Top,
The SEC’s number three.
I’d be curious to know how Sanders would do at a school where he wasn’t being micro-managed by a gargantuan control-freak head coach. Tennessee’s offensive woes start with the head coach, with a healthy assist from Sanders and our atrocious WR coach Pat Washington.
In contrast, on the other side of the ball, John Chavis has put together one of the best defenses we’ve ever seen at UT. It’s pretty obvious that the Great Pumpkin has given Chavis the defense and let him run with it while he’s busy shitting in the offense’s nest.
There are only two ways out for the Vols at this point:
1) a wholesale cleaning out of the offensive staff (perhaps with the exception of Trooper Taylor) and the bringing in of a quality offensive coordinator – with the guarantee that Fulmer will stay out of the offensive coaching staff’s way – unless he wants to pitch in on the O-line or pick up some Chik-Fil-A-brand chicken nuggets;
or
2) the canning of Fulmer, which is never going to happen. Thanks to that ‘98 championship, he’s here until he decides to retire.
Since it’s doubtful that either of those things is going to happen, sit back and enjoy an abysmal offensive team for the forseeable future. They say that “defense wins championships” and that’s about all we can hope for in the coming years.
Last week’s picks were awful. 2/5 in the pros and 4/5 in semi-pro. Hopefully people have stopped using “Football Friday” predictions in their betting routines. This week the Vols will beat the Gamecocks 26 – 10 in a game that will be closer than it should. We’re just lucky that Spurrier doesn’t have squat for talent this year.
Elsewhere in semi-pro ball:
- Georgia 24 Florida 20 – The world’s largest outdoor cocktail party should be a pretty good game. Even with their injuries, UGA should pull this one out because Florida essentially sucks.
- Nebraska 27 Oklahoma 20 – Vinnie says a field goal, I say a touchdown.
- Minnesota 30 Ohio State 22 – Go-go-Gophers won’t you go-go-go.
- Auburn 33 Ole Miss 12 – Ole Miss loses this one due to their offensive civil-war era mascot. I get offended just thinking about it.
With last week’s loss to the Cardinals, the Titans’ season is looking like it’s essentially over. Nonetheless, I’m predicting a Titans win over the evil Oakland Raiders 21-16.
Elsewhere…
- Cincinnati 31 Green Bay 15 – I was wrong about Cincy last week – they got exposed by the Steelers. This week they play a seriously-down Green Bay team, which will result in a solid victory.
- NY Giants 27 Washington 14 – Glenn Beck’s more-on trivia predicted a Giants win and that’s good enough for me.
- Denver 26 Philly 20 – Denver melted down last week, but they’ll rebound against McNabb and company.
- New England 27 Buffalo 17 – Who’da thunk the Pats would be 3-3 at this point? This game will start yet another extended winning streak leading into the playoffs.
October 28th, 2005 at 8:29 pm
I know you really don’t believe that the Titan will beat the Raiders. It’s more of a perfunctory Tennessee thing. By the way, the Raiders ARE evil and your criticism of them will result in another painful and untimely herpes outbreak.
October 28th, 2005 at 11:39 pm
(bowing my head in shame…..)
Er, ahhhhhhhhh!!!, I shouldn’t mention this, but I was the one on the lovely Deb Schlussel’s site who picked the Vols for the championship…and I truly believed it.
Man, they looked loaded, and in fact they are. Robert Meacham looked like a superstar, Riggs seemed to grow up, the offensive line looked killer, and Ainge looked like the next Peyton.
Defense is great, offense looks worse than Vanderbilt’s. The receivers can’t catch a cold, the O line are sissies, and Ainge, I dunno what in the world happened.
Personally, I think the lack of character has caught up to the Vols. The only true leader they have had in the last 7 years was Al Wilson. UT recruits a bunch of talented players who are just playing to get in the NFL, not for the team, and Fulmer is just too lenient and lets them get by with it. If they only put forth the effort on the field they use at partying and fighting their fellow students.
October 29th, 2005 at 4:14 am
You know you get me all blushy every time when you casually mention one of my teams. HOT. Big. Ten. Action.
If you get herpes, I’ll have to de-link ya though without explanation.
October 29th, 2005 at 1:51 pm
“Personally, I think the lack of character has caught up to the Vols. The only true leader they have had in the last 7 years was Al Wilson. UT recruits a bunch of talented players who are just playing to get in the NFL, not for the team, and Fulmer is just too lenient and lets them get by with it. If they only put forth the effort on the field they use at partying and fighting their fellow students.”
Jeff, that is the best, most succinct and accurate description of the Fulmer Vols that I’ve read. Very well put and damn straight.
October 29th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
I apologize. on Thursday, I said that Virginia Tech was wearing the gayest uniforms ever. I was wrong.
there was a reason why Miami went to their current uniforms…the old ones are just plain painful to watch. I honestly went past this game twice, even with the NC wearing their normal unis. I think college football is just trying to mess with me now.
oh, and Green Bay will destroy the Ben-gals. just watch.