or….. THE BATTLE FOR SHREVEPORT

Well, the season is over for both of my teams. The Small Orange clammed it up all season long and I’m looking forward to the departure of the remaining offensive coaching staff so that we may start building up false hope for next season. Will Coach Cutt return? Will the Great Pumpkin find another lackey to pretend to be offensive coordinator while he keeps the offense mired in the quicksand covering Shields-Watkins field? Will the hapless Vols be able to beat Memphis, Vandy and Kentucky to make it to Shreveport? Will Jim Bob Cooter finally get to play this weekend?

Quite honestly, I go back and forth from hoping that we lose the rest of our games to hoping we win the rest of our games. This team full of over-hyped, self-proclaimed superstars – especially a receiving corps that is already thinking about coming out early for the NFL draft when they can’t even catch a pass in college – really doesn’t deserve to go to a bowl game, even the Independence Bowl. However, I’m not sure I could actually stomach losing the last three. Luckily it doesn’t really matter, because, at this point in this particular season, I’ve stopped caring. So let’s go ahead and kick off another spectacular Vol Football November – It’s mediocrity time in Tennesseeeeeee!

The Titans are laying eggs week after week, but I’m not as worried about them. They’re riddled with youth and inexperience (and a thug named after a video game) and will be back, as long as Reese and Fisher are steering the ship. That’s the cyclical nature of the NFL. You build up good young talent, compete for titles, lose that talent due to salary cap restrictions, then start the cycle anew. It’s like the circle of life in the Lion King except that it doesn’t suck and there’s no Elton John to ruin everything.

On to this weeks picks. Last week I was 3/5 in both pro and semi-pro ball. Let’s see how much I’m going stink it up this week. In semi-pro ball, the Vols are going to squeak it out against Tiger High, 22-17. Back when we had an offense, it would have been more like 44 -12, but this is 2005 and our offense is hobbling around on mental crutches.

Elsewhere:

• Auburn 27 Georgia 17 – Auburn has been surprisingly good this year and Georgia has been surprisingly horrible without D.J. Shockley. Auburn pulls the slight upset.
• Florida 21 South Carolina 15 – Spurrier returns to the swamp and loses. Florida is not good this year, but South Carolina is worse. Which makes Tennessee gut-wrenchingly horrible since we lost to both.
• Florida State 33 Clemson 23 – The Battle of the Bowdens will probably be a bore yet again. Even Mama Bowden will fall asleep during this one.
• Alabama 29 LSU 21 – LSU still hasn’t shown me anything this year and Alabama has a lot to play for, which is rare at this point in the season for them. Expect a fired up Crimson Tide.

Thank goodness it’s a bye week for the Titans. But the rest of the league marches on:

• Colts 33 Texans 12 – I fully expected the Pats to school the Colts last week, and of course, I was wrong. Now I’m starting to think that we could be in the middle of the only undefeated season since the ‘72 Dolphins. But since Peyton has never won the big game and probably never will, I doubt it.
• Cowpokes 22 Iggles 16 – Now that T.O. the loudmouthed asshole has just screwed himself out of an even bigger paycheck and the Iggles have extracted them from their team like a festering malignant tumor, I may actually have to hate the Iggles a little bit less. But they’ll still lose to the Cowboys Monday night.
• Denver 31 Oakland 21 – Sure Oakland is showing signs of life, but even Jim Plunkett can’t help them win this one.
• Carolina 31 NY Jets 17 – After what happened last week with the Panthers’ cheerleaders, they’ve moved into position as my favorite NFC team. Let’s hope some of the team’s other Top Cats get into some action this weekend – and more importantly – that someone brings a camcorder.
• Patriots 27 Miami 14 – The Pats need to turn it around quick. Miami should be just the ticket.

That’s it for this Football Friday. Remember, gambling is illegal in Tennessee. Get help. And don’t tell anyone that I gamble every weekend in an office pool!!! Shhhhhhhh!

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