Why I Didn’t Go Shopping Today

November 25th, 2005 at 11:00 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Here’s a tip for all you 73-year-old women: Don’t join maniacal day-after-Thanksgiving shopping mobs — even if the savings are spectacular!

Old woman trampled by savings-mad mob in Ft. Lauderdale shopping rush. Received no super savings on ambulance ride to hospital.

The crowd of shoppers outside BrandsMart USA in Sawgrass Mills, angry at being forced to wait by security personnel, pushed their way under the security gate and down a hallway into the store, forcing dozens of people against the walls and trampling the woman.

“I was trying to get out of the way, but they knocked me down,” said Josephine Hoffman of Coconut Creek, who was standing immediately outside the gate as a human wave rushed inside, carrying her along.

“I hit my head on the floor, and people stepped on me,” said the woman, who was resting on a box of merchandise inside the store following the 7:30 a.m. incident. “I don’t understand why people do these things.”

Those South-Floridians ain’t much for figuring out butterfly ballots, but they sure know how to pinch a penny. Oh, and trample.

Things weren’t much better up in crime-ridden Orlando, where big savings came with a beat down at the Best Buy and a Wal-Mart sized ass-whoopin’.

ORLANDO, Fla. — Orlando police officers were called to break up some fights between shoppers early Friday as Central Floridians flocked to stores for one of the busiest shopping days of the year, according to Local 6 News.

Line jumpers at a Best Buy at the Fashion Square Mall apparently started a fight at around 11:30 p.m. Officers responded and there were no arrests.

However, one person may be arrested for starting a fight at a Wal-Mart in east Orange County early Friday.

Some shoppers waited for as long as seven hours to be the first in the doors for bargains.

Check out the video. I haven’t seen mob madness like that since they were handing out free government cheese at the City-County Building.

There is no savings on earth
worth sailing this sea of rank humanity.

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8 Responses to “Why I Didn’t Go Shopping Today”

1. Yiddish Steel Says:
   November 25th, 2005 at 11:28 pm

   The only thing that will get the Springer Audience away from the TV is to announce a sale on shitty trinkets and Taiwanese electronics at Wal-Mart. Watch out for falling scum-bags!

2. Short and Fat Says:
   November 26th, 2005 at 12:45 am

   I don’t go for the sales. But except for my annual visits to granny in the home, when else do I get to punch and gouge the elderly with impunity.

   It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

3. Vol Abroad Says:
   November 26th, 2005 at 4:08 am

   mmmmmm Government Cheese.

4. LindaSoG Says:
   November 26th, 2005 at 8:32 am

   Gotta love SoFla.

5. Cranky Says:
   November 26th, 2005 at 9:02 pm

   What is it about Florida that brings out the insanity?

6. Katie Says:
   November 27th, 2005 at 11:10 am

   I am not sure I’ve ever been up early on the day after Thanksgiving. Maybe when I was stroller-bound or something…somehow I doubt that. I say, save the headache, pay full price at a later time.

7. » Blog Archive » HOLIDAY SHOPPING Says:
   November 28th, 2005 at 1:59 am

   [...] A 73 year old lady should have had this cart parked out side the store she planned to shop at during the “Black Friday” shopping rush. “Hat Tip” Six Meat Buffett [...]

8. annika Says:
   November 28th, 2005 at 11:00 am

   “big savings came with a beat down at the Best Buy”

   love the alliteration, Preston!