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Anonymous source-persons (who have remained anonymous because they are concerned about reprisal if they speak openly), have informed me that Adi Da is a heavy abuser of diverse drugs, some for the sake of his sexual escapades. As one correspondent wrote me: " The core of Franklin is very simple: drugs. His fund raisers for 'art' and other causes -- the money is used to pay for the parties, drugs and lavish lifestyle. He thinks absolutely nothing of screwing his students over financially and physically. New York City borough of Queens. If his home is not located in South Carolina, the Department of Corrections has the discretion of providing transportation to the inmate's home state, or to the county from which he was sentenced. Medical Expenses) The Department of Corrections shall be authorized to charge inmates a nominal fee for any medical treatment or consultation provided at the request of or initiated by the inmate. A nominal co-pay shall be charged for prescribed medications. 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buspar Six Meat Buffet » 2005 » December





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Archive for December, 2005



Bush Abandons the Orange Revolution

December 31st, 2005 at 3:18 pm by Smantix

The Ukraine’s Orange Revolution is in jeopardy as it’s been some time since we’ve witnessed President Junior donning the orange neckties. A year ago we were treated to this lip service following Yushchenko’s stunning Pro-Western victory after almost being assassinated several times by the Kremlin:

“The United States wants to do everything we can to help you meet the expectations of the Ukrainian people after this turmoil,” (Colin) Powell said at the start of the meeting.

“I’m sure that on Independence Square you will see hundreds of thousands of people with very bright eyes,” Yushchenko said. “None of that would have been possible without our partners who share the same democratic values as we do, in which I include President Bush and you.”

Bush called Yushchenko on Saturday to congratulate him on his election and on “democracy’s victory” in Ukraine, White House spokesman Brian Besanceney said in Washington.

“The two leaders also discussed their support for the people of Iraq and for democracy in that country,” Besanceney said.

As of a few weeks ago, former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder was given a sweetcake position in the recently nationalized Russian oil firm Gazprom as remuneration for abusing his position to push for the Northern European Gas Pipeline and to use his Euro connections to apply pressure on former Soviet republics to stay loyal to Snake Pootie-Poot. Ray D. at Davids Medienkritik is, of course, all over it like kraut on a bratwurst:

It is so heart warming to see Gerhard Schroeder looking out for the little guy this holiday season. Not long after leaving office this past November, he took on two lucrative jobs, one with his old Maennerfreund Vladimir Putin at Russia’s state-controlled gas giant “Gazprom.” Of course while he was in office, Schroeder was instrumental in negotiating a multi-billion dollar pipeline deal with Russia and Gazprom on behalf of the German state. His decision to join the company was met with a bit of token outrage in the German media before the subject was promptly dropped. No Watergate knives were brandished and the ex-Chancellor has been largely left to continue about his merry business.

And Schroeder is certainly a busy man these days. As always, he’s deeply committed to the ideals of democracy and social justice. Now his new company, Gazprom, is being used by the Putin government to twist the arm of the newly elected, democratic Ukrainian government led by Victor Yushchenko.

In a few hours, Yushchenko’s fledgling democracy will have to respond to the extortion letter delivered from the Kremlin with the help of Herr Schroeder. They can either accept an almost 500% arbitrary increase (from $50 to $230 a cubic meter) for Russian oil imports or they can have the gas spigot cut off at the start of winter. Snake Pootie-Poot has magnanimously offered the Ukraine a $3.6 billion loan to help cover his punitive pricing that has been rejected just moments ago. Indeed, the borrower would be slave to the lender.

The mods at the Pravda forums have dubbed the situation as the start of “A New Cold War”. Get it? They’re going to freeze them to death. Last century they were just starving them to death. My how times change.

From mod Chornyvolk who is creepily “watching your every move”:

PICTURE the families shivering in apartments without heating, factories grinding to a halt, frozen water pipes bursting in the depths of winter. Welcome to the new Cold War.

At 10am on Sunday, Russia is threatening to unleash the most powerful weapon in its post-Soviet arsenal: unless Ukraine agrees to a fourfold increase in the price it pays for gas, Russia will simply turn off the tap.

We expect no better from the murderous rotten commies but is this the repayment the Ukraine gets who, at one time, held the 4th largest contingent of foreign troops in Iraq? Silence from across the ocean from the President who wants to talk like Reagan, walk like Reagan, but Mister – you are no Reagan.

PETA Idiot Takes It Up a Notch

December 31st, 2005 at 12:52 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

PETA Staffer Chris Garnett (*gasp* – a “youth coordinator”) has legally changed his name to “KentuckyFriedCruelty.Com”.

“People don’t believe me at first when I tell them my name, but it never fails to spark a discussion,” Garnett, er, KentuckyFriendCruelty.com, said in a statement. “Many vow to boycott KFC after I explain the company’s indifference to cruelty to animals.”

Well, people are probably surprised that anyone could be such a fucking idiot, Chris. Luckily, Chris has the big knockers brains of PETA on his side – namely, Pamela Anderson.

Stacked star Pamela Anderson, who has narrated a PETA video showing the alleged abuse, supports Garnett’s name change.

“I’m sure Chris can’t wait ’till KFC stops torturing chickens so he can change his name back,” the actress said in a statement, adding that the chicken abuse “is awful and has to stop.”

Pammy, as soon as you stop your torturous abuse of television viewers, we can start negotiations. Until then, just shut up, look pretty and stick that rack out for the world to enjoy.

That tears it. I’m heading to the KFC on Cedar Bluff right now to get a big fat bucket of Original Recipe, all white-meat with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy.

hat-tip: Mrs. Holmes

Hot XXX Blog Action

December 30th, 2005 at 9:19 pm by Smantix

Not since Debi Diamond scorched the sheets in “Gang Bangs II” has there been such a painstakingly long and slavish asslicking (WARNING: Adult Content. Bring a napkin) administered with the expectation of having a viewing audience.

Now that’s how you join The Clean Plate Club.

Football Friday

December 30th, 2005 at 2:08 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s been a while since the last lackluster Football Friday, but since the bowls are almost done and the NFL season is coming to a close, we might as well toss off one last batch as things wind down.

First, a quick look at the farm leagues.

There have already been a couple of good bowl games (Nebraska/Michigan, Oklahoma/Oregon, among others), but the big ones are still to come.

For you Vol fans who may have forgotten what a bowl game is, that’s when a team has a winning record and enough standing to be invited to a post-season game that is either owned by ABC/BCS/ESPN or put together by corporate sponsors to hawk their wares. This is something you won’t have to worry about for at least the next few years. Certainly not as long as the Great Pumpkin™ is steering the ship straight into the cliffs.

Here’s where to blow that Christmas money:

  • Rose Bowl: USC 77 Texas 14For reference material, please see USC/Oklahoma from 2004.
  • Fiesta Bowl: Notre Dame 26 Ohio State 23Should be the best game of the bowl season hands down. Well, at least on paper.
  • Orange Bowl: Penn State 31 Florida State 17The real question in this game is whether or not enough of Bobby Bowden’s players will be out of jail in time for kickoff.
  • Sugar Bowl: Georgia 36 West Virginia 14It doesn’t hurt that this one got moved to Atlanta since the Superdome still has shit all over it. Should be a complete dud – watch Desperate Housewives instead.
  • Peach Bowl: Miami 29 LSU 16I’ve been saying that LSU sucks all year and I’m right. LSU and Les Miles can cram it in their purple-clad asses.

Now comes the fun part – the NFL playoffs, baby. The only thing to look forward to after the Christmas holidays.

Who’s in the playoffs so far? In the AFC, it’s Indy, New England, Cincy, Jacksonville, Denver. In the NFC, it’s Chicago, NY Giants, Seattle. Teams still in the mix and hunt: Pittsburgh, Kansas City, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Washington, Dallas. After Sunday, we’ll know who-plays-who and who’s out in the rain looking in the window, crying, like Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places.

While most teams will be mailing it in this weekend, there are still some games with implications. Picks:

  • Pittsburgh 28 Detroit 17This will cement the Steelers’ wild-card playoff position, but they won’t make it past week two of the playoffs.
  • ‘Skins 23 Iggles 13I love it when the Eagles fall upon hard times. And I’m still not sure why.
  • Carolina 31 Atlanta 29All the Falcons have is Ron Mexico, and we’ve learned this season that that isn’t enough.
  • Denver 29 San Diego 27Denver doesn’t have much to play for other than to treat this as a playoff game and get ready for the playoffs by keeping the Chargers out of the playoffs. San Diego could easily pull this one out, though, especially if Denver decides to rest the starters.
  • Reggie Bush Bowl: San Francisco 1 Houston 0The loser of this game is actually the winner of the Bush Bowl. Both teams will try hard to fail, which should make this one entertaining.

That’s probably it for this season’s Football Fridays. With the possible exception of playoff commentary that no one will give two shits about. Happy pigskin weekend, bitches!

Have a Holly Jolly Kwanzaa

December 30th, 2005 at 9:08 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Last year around this time, we took a look at Kwanzaa – as Jesse Lee Peterson put it – the “racist holiday from hell”. We shared the loving story of Ron Karenga, the faux-holiday’s founder and his background as violent thug and racist buffoon.

Ann Coulter adds some more meat to the pot, noting that the FBI played a hand in supporting Ron Karenga’s “United Slaves” organization.

In what was probably ultimately a foolish gamble, during the madness of the ’60s the FBI encouraged the most extreme black nationalist organizations in order to discredit and split the left. The more preposterous the organization, the better. Karenga’s United Slaves was perfect. In the annals of the American ’60s, Karenga was the Father Gapon, stooge of the czarist police.

Now we know that the FBI fueled the bloody rivalry between the Panthers and United Slaves. In one barbarous outburst, Karenga’s United Slaves shot to death Black Panthers Al “Bunchy” Carter and Deputy Minister John Huggins on the UCLA campus. Karenga himself served time, a useful stepping-stone for his current position as a black studies professor at California State University at Long Beach.

Kwanzaa itself is a lunatic blend of schmaltzy ’60s rhetoric, black racism and Marxism. Indeed, the seven “principles” of Kwanzaa praise collectivism in every possible arena of life – economics, work, personality, even litter removal. (“Kuumba: Everyone should strive to improve the community and make it more beautiful.”) It takes a village to raise a police snitch.

She adds one angle that I didn’t know about Kwanzaa – its seven Marxist principles mirror those of Patty Hearst’s SLA.

Coincidentally, the seven principles of Kwanzaa are the very same seven principles of the Symbionese Liberation Army, another charming invention of the Least-Great Generation. In 1974, Patricia Hearst, kidnap victim-cum-SLA revolutionary, posed next to the banner of her alleged captors, a seven-headed cobra. Each snake head stood for one of the SLA’s revolutionary principles: Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumba and Imani – the same seven “principles” of Kwanzaa.

With his Kwanzaa greetings, President Bush is saluting the intellectual sibling of the Symbionese Liberation Army, killer of housewives and police. He is saluting the founder of United Slaves, who were such lunatics that they shot Panthers for not being sufficiently insane – all with the FBI as their covert ally.

It’s no wonder President Junior doesn’t have a grasp of these details. They are awfully complicated – especially for someone who regularly vomits forth the blather that islam is a “religion of peace”.

Read the whole thing.

The Klan In Your Wallet

December 29th, 2005 at 8:53 pm by Smantix

Shotgun wielding Pinkertons unleashed the attack dogs and full-bore firehoses as race riots engulfed Hotlanta earlier today after the state legislature approved the reactionary, Jim Crow-like message that you actually have to show some proof of who you are to vote. Georgia state Rep. Alisha Thomas Morgan let’s the po-po know that they be messing with a soulja, or possibly a knight:

“It’s whatever it takes,” Morgan said. “I’m putting on the armor. Nothing they can do will fix the bill. It’s a bad law and it needs to be repealed. We’re not going backwards.”

Armor or simply a helmet with a chin strap?

The law eliminates the use of some other forms of identification to vote, including
Social Security cards, birth certificates and utility bills.

Is it something they’re putting in The Coca-Cola? Has the corn syrup and fructose finally rotted out all of the teeth and is bubbling it’s way up to the brain? I show up to vote with a utility bill as the only proof of who I am.

The delightfully named Meg Smothers of the Georgia Chapter of Our Blessed Ladies of Perpetual Menstruation escaped the School of the America’s brutal Camp Slap-A-Ho detention center earlier this year to pen this little diddy for the Journal Constitution’s op-ed page:

Requiring voters to obtain a state-issued photo ID to cast a ballot is tantamount to a present-day version of the poll tax.

Forty years ago, the national Voting Rights Act was passed to prevent Southern states from enforcing discriminatory tactics to hinder citizens’ participation in the voting process. Voters today now have reason to wonder how far we have really come.

As I see it, photography has been around for over a 140 years now. How far have you come? Is 1857 still a little too futuristic for you?

As if the League of Women Voters, Common Cause, the ACLU and the NAACP weren’t enough, the AARP rustles up a thundering herd of walkers and wheelchairs. And if you aren’t afraid of the AARP’s bark, by god you best beware of their Polident bite:

After 40 years of voting in American elections, 61-year-old Dean Shirley of Decatur, Ga., could be denied the right to cast his ballot because he doesn’t have a photo ID.

“I’m registered, and they have the registration book right in front of them at the polls,” he says. “Who else is going to come in and say they’re Edward Dean Shirley?”
[...]
Dean Shirley, a former Georgia cotton mill worker, is disabled because of lung disease and arthritis. He no longer drives and says he doesn’t have a passport because he’s only been out of the country once, when he was in the service.

But Shirley wants to continue to vote, so he asked a relative to take him to a motor vehicle office to get a nondriver’s photo ID. They drove 45 minutes and waited in line nearly three hours to pay $20 for an ID. His number was skipped, and he left empty-handed. “I just don’t see the right in that,” he says.

That must not be the much-vaunted “fightin’ spirit” that beat Tojo and the Krauts I keep hearing about. Because if the DMV not calling your number made you go home in defeat, I’m left to imagine how the war where you “served” turned out.

We’ve got 10 year olds getting arrested for making counterfeit money on their home computers but manufacturing IDs to avoid electoral extinction for the decrepit Dino-donkeys of Dekalb County is a bridge too far. A photo-ID is not the damned Klan. I don’t care how white the background on it is.

What if, and I’m just saying “what if”, the mass mobilizing alphabet soup of the Grievance Industry, instead of suing everybody just ponied up the dough and bought the IDs with their tax-exempt funds? Get the troops fired up like they do when they see baby Jesus in a manger on state property or a black couple moving out of the ghetto and into a middle class neighborhood. Visualize. Then attack.

New! The Six Meat I-Pod

December 29th, 2005 at 3:23 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Sure, it’s too late for Christmas, but act now to get big fat after-Christmas savings!*

* only available in Hawaii

A Personal Message

December 29th, 2005 at 12:11 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

To the hippie in the red hatchback who just pulled out of Panera Bread on Kingston Pike:

I tried to stop you and tell you that you’d left your large Coke on top of your car, but you didn’t listen. You were in too much of a hurry to get to your Hellbender Press editors’ meeting, I guess.

When you turned right onto Kingston Pike, your Coke fell right off of the top of your car and you kept on going. Not only was this a waste of $1.29, but the styrofoam cup that you left lying by the curb is damaging the environment even as I type this message to you. I only do it because I care. Please go back and pick it up before a wild animal eats it and dies.

And to the woman in the blue sedan who tried to tell you the same thing – I salute you for your efforts.

I suppose that’s what we both get for trying to preserve the fragile Kingston Pike strip-mall ecosystem.

Stupid hippie.

UNRELATED UPDATE:

Unrelated personal note to Mrs. Holmes. Please scratch Juan Reyes off of the potential babysitters list. Thanks.

Federal AIDS Czar Gives Drug Companies a Tongue Lashing

December 29th, 2005 at 9:33 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Dr. Edmund Tramont, the Fed’s chief AIDS researcher, recently accused pharmaceutical companies of “dragging their feet” on the creation of a possible HIV vaccine.

WASHINGTON — In an unusually candid admission, the federal chief of AIDS research says he believes drug companies do not have an incentive to create a vaccine for the HIV virus and are likely to wait to profit from it after the government develops one.

And that means the government has had to spend more time focusing on the processes that drug companies ordinarily follow in developing new medicines and bringing them to market.

“We had to spend some time and energy paying attention to those aspects of development because the private side isn’t picking it up,” Dr. Edmund Tramont testified in a deposition in a recent employment lawsuit obtained by The Associated Press.

Don’t feel too sorry for the Feds, though. Though they don’t like it, turnabout is fair play, and this is a rare instance where the Federal government actually has the responsibility of creating something useful instead of sitting back, waiting on the private sector to create, then taxing the shit out of it – PROFITING from the work of the private sector.

Since it looks like the ball is in the Feds’ court, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting on a vaccine.

The failure in the quest for an AIDS vaccine has been one of science’s biggest disappointments despite billions of dollars and years of research. Part of the dilemma is that the vaccine must work through the very immune system that AIDS compromises. The failure in the last couple of years of one of the more promising vaccine candidates has bred frustration.

The United Nations’ top HIV/AIDS official acknowledged this year at a conference that it was no longer realistic to hope that the world will meet its goal of halting and reversing the spread of the pandemic by 2015. A British delegate predicted it might take 20 years before such a vaccine is created.

The International AIDS Vaccines Initiative, a not-for-profit group pushing for an AIDS vaccine, said there are more than 30 vaccine candidates being tested mostly on a small scale in 19 counties, but it acknowledges many are pursuing a similar theory of science that may prove futile.

If you really want some stagnation, turn the whole project over to the United Nations. The U.N. is the only organizational body that is more corrupt and wasteful than the Feds.

On the bright side, it’s good to see the drug companies focusing its research on non-behavior-related diseases. Here is a quick (and incomplete) list of diseases that should be researched ahead of HIV: Cystic Fibrosis, Cancer (in all its forms), Cerebral Palsy, Juvenile Diabetes, Heart Disease, Autism, Avian Flu, Alzheimer’s, Asthma, etc. That’s just for starters.

A Prayer for Peace

December 28th, 2005 at 12:26 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Palestinian apologist Steven Spielberg’s celluloid “prayer for peace” falls on deaf ears. Then again, maybe aging terrorist-mastermind Mohammed Daoud’s hearing isn’t so good since he spent all those years testing explosives.

GAZA (Reuters) – The Palestinian mastermind of the Munich Olympics attack in which 11 Israeli athletes died said on Tuesday he had no regrets and that Steven Spielberg’s new film about the incident would not deliver reconciliation.

The Hollywood director has called “Munich”, which dramatizes the 1972 raid and Israel’s reprisals against members of the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO), his “prayer for peace”.

Munich is Little Stevie’s own version of “Someday at Christmas,” a holiday season fantasy rewriting of history – a little boy’s wish that the world could just “get along”. Like the rest of the Palestinian state, however, Daoud isn’t terribly interested in getting along.

“We did not target Israeli civilians,” he said.

“Some of them (the athletes) had taken part in wars and killed many Palestinians. Whether a pianist or an athlete, any Israeli is a soldier.”

I suppose that goes double for the toddlers that your minions murder with nail-bombs in Israeli pizza parlors. “Any Israeli is a soldier”. That certainly explains your targeting methods, you decaying mound of sub-human debris.

Plot to Ice President Junior Foiled

December 28th, 2005 at 9:56 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Al Qaeda big-wigs demonstrate massive incompetence in their failed plot to take out Bush and Musharaff.

WASHINGTON – Before he was captured last spring, Osama Bin Laden’s top operational commander was solely focused on killing President Bush and Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharaff, the Daily News has learned.

The capture last May of Al Qaeda’s No. 3 leader, Abu Faraj Al-Libi, apparently thwarted plots to assassinate the two partners in the global war on terror, said a senior Pakistani official, whose information was corroborated by two senior U.S. counterterrorism officials.

“Al-Libi had one mission: Kill Bush and Musharraf,” the Pakistani official told The News. “He wanted to kill Bush in the White House, preferably.”

“It was clearly something they wanted to do. There’s no question about that. It’s the holy grail of jihad,” a senior U.S. counterterrorism official confirmed.

Al-Libi organized several failed assassination attempts on Musharraf before he was nabbed, officials have said. But the plot by Al Qaeda’s international operations chief to send assassins to the U.S. to kill Bush was only disclosed this week.

That muffled weeping sound you hear is coming from the pants-shitters at the Dim-O-Crack Underground. They haven’t cried this much since Tookie got the needle.

Now THIS Is Torture

December 27th, 2005 at 10:47 am by Cranky

Do you think the Bataan Death March was the worst form of torture the Japanese inflicted on the citizens of the United States? Guess again.

It is clearly Dance Mania! This seemingly innocuous toy entered our household December 25.

Here’s what the product literature says:

Bratz Dance Mania – the electronic game that get you groovin! Get your mates round and party! It’s time to break out and hit the dance floor with the Bratz Dance Mania electronic game!

It should actually read, “watch your middle-aged dad flail around to an eight-bit rendition of Funky Town performed by Kyoto’s own Galaxian’s Revival Band!”

I have not been as worried about Japan since the Eighties when we were sure they were going to buy us out completely.

Someone call Sen. McCain.

Free Tibet? Eh…. Don’t Bother

December 27th, 2005 at 9:44 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

The Panchen Lama says “China Been Berry Berry Good to Me”.

BEIJING (Reuters) – A Tibetan teenager chosen by China to fill one of Tibetan Buddhism’s most sacred posts emerged in China’s state-run media on Monday to praise the country’s religious policies.

But China’s state-run Xinhua News Agency quoted the Beijing- approved “living Buddha” as praising China’s religious policies, which have attracted criticism from many international rights groups as well as the Bush administration.

He was interviewed in the Tibetan city of Shigatse, where traditionally the Panchen Lama resides.

The Panchen Lama, who was born as Gyaltsen Norbu in northern Tibet, also welcomed China’s restoration of major Tibetan temples, including the Potala Palace and Johkand Monastery in Lhasa.

He also said the Communist Party has brought “wealth, harmony and stability” to Tibet, the report said.

“People of different ethnic groups are living together in harmony, Tibetan society is stable, and all monasteries are packed with pilgrims,” he said.

Many of Tibet’s 2.7 million people remain secretly loyal to the Dalai Lama’s chosen Panchen Lama. The young Panchen Lama’s comments appear likely to draw criticism of China’s policies from exiled supporters of Tibetan autonomy.

So the Chinese Red Devils yanked the legitimate Panchen Lama in exile and put in their own Lama Stooge, who is now praising his commie employers. I guess he does have a point – the trains ran on time in Hussein’s Iraq as well, so what does that average Tibetian really have to complain about? Well, other than Richard Gere swooping in every now-and-again defiling their culture.

A Christmas Story

December 27th, 2005 at 8:21 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Or, “Tuned Out, Turned Off, Dropped Out: How I Shutted Down My Brane For Christmas”.

I will say that it was nice to avoid the computer and the blogosphere for a couple of days. Though I was checking e-mail, I didn’t do much more than that. I need to tune out more often.

However, I will share a Christmas Eve story that provides an example of how truly out of it I was.

While the family and I were visiting my sister and her family, we remembered that we needed to take some of the recently iced Christmas cookies home to leave for Santa Claus. So Mrs. Holmes packed a couple of them up to take home. I recommended that we take a couple more home so that I could enjoy a cookie as well.

Four hours later, this conversation took place:

Me: Hey… wait a minute.

Mrs. Holmes: What?

Me: Santa’s not really going to eat those cookies.

Mrs. Holmes: Yeah?

Me: So we didn’t need to bring any more home for me.

Mrs. Holmes: Why do you think we were looking at you like that?

Me: Damn.

And I hadn’t even been drinking at that point. The holidays are dangerous.

A Tsunami of Tsunami Memories

December 26th, 2005 at 9:05 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It seems like just yesterday I was trying to figure out how a tidal wave killed 55,000+ people in Southeast Asia. Turns out it was about a year ago. Death toll now is said to be more than 220,000.

Riding Sun points out this UPI story about how the U.N. has squandered much of the relief money sent in by chumps. (via Insty)

Up to about a third of the $590 million U.N. fund spent for the Indian Ocean tsunami relief may have gone to pay for overhead.

The Financial Times says its two-month investigation showed the money appears to have been spent on administration, staff and related costs. The $590 million was part of the United Nation’s $1.1 billion disaster flash appeal.

The newspaper also found several U.N. agencies continue to refuse to disclose details of their relief expenditure in spite of earlier pledges of transparency by senior officials.

Just another reason you should NEVER give any money to any U.N.-run charity. They’re thieves and gutter snipes. Nothing more.

Another related shocker: It turns out that the tsunami was actually caused by women without headscarves. This revelation blows our theories out of the water. Pun intended.

Stroll down Tsunami Memory Lane at Cheese and Crackers The Storm Track.

Merry Christmas

December 25th, 2005 at 12:01 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Image stolen from Vince Aut Morire, who is remembering the real reason for the season.

Merry Christmas.

The Twelve Days of Christmas – DAY TWELVE!!

December 24th, 2005 at 12:05 pm by Cranky

What are you still doing here? T’was the night before Christmas and all that…

Well, you made it to Day 12 of our gift ideas for Liberals and we’re glad to see you.

Our tireless research and development team here at Six Meat Buffet noticed that since September 12, 2001, many of the brightest thinkers on the left have offered their insight on U.S. foreign policy in the Middle East.

We’ve captured some of the best arguments*, entered them into our 486 super-computer and came up with a device that can predict Liberal Wisdom.

Preeeesenting – just in time for Christmas – the Six Meat Buffet Magic Liberal 8 Ball.

Ask any question about the Iraq war, Afghanistan, the Arab Street and let the fun begin!


* Input –
2001 – Invasion of Afghanistan,
2002 – Afghan Democracy,
2003 – Inflaming the Arab Street,
2004 – The Iraqi quagmire,
2005 – Iraqi elections

Any resemblance between the Magic Liberal 8 Ball ™ and the Autorantic Virtual Moonbat ™ is completely coincidental. No really!

UPDATE: This however, is pure plagiarism (on our part).

PREVIOUSLY:

It’s About Time

December 23rd, 2005 at 9:18 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

(via Ace)

The leaks just keep on comin’.

Feds monitor muslims without search warrants – search mosques for dirty bombs.

In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities, U.S. News has learned. In numerous cases, the monitoring required investigators to go on to the property under surveillance, although no search warrants or court orders were ever obtained, according to those with knowledge of the program. Some participants were threatened with loss of their jobs when they questioned the legality of the operation, according to these accounts.

Federal officials familiar with the program maintain that warrants are unneeded for the kind of radiation sampling the operation entails, but some legal scholars disagree. News of the program comes in the wake of revelations last week that, after 9/11, the Bush White House approved electronic surveillance of U.S. targets by the National Security Agency without court orders. These and other developments suggest that the federal government’s domestic spying programs since 9/11 have been far broader than previously thought.

All I’ve got to say, is that it’s about damned time.

Life Imitates Grisham

December 23rd, 2005 at 6:49 pm by Smantix

Knoxville native and formerly famous actor Brad Renfro, most appropriately remembered for his role as “The Client” in John Grisham’s “The Client” will be reprising his defining role as he was arrested earlier today at an infamous Los Angeles shooting gallery after purchasing a small balloon of unauthorized Christmas Cheer from an LAPD officer disguised as one of Santa’s Little Street Helpers. At 8:30 in the morning.

Not to worry movie trivia fans, Renfro is out on bond. Thus assuring that his stocking is still the only thing getting stuffed this weekend. Way to show those Hollywood producers that you can still get arrested in that town.

Rudolph Lied, Children Died…. Inside

December 23rd, 2005 at 10:02 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

**** BREAKING **** EXCLUSIVE ****
**** MUST CREDIT SIX MEAT BUFFET ****

I’ve just learned of yet another scandal that can be laid at the feet of Kkkarl Rove and the steps of the White House. And it’s the type of scandal that could potentially destroy Christmas for millions of children around the globe.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is nothing more than Rudolph the Red-Nosed Fraud. That’s right – this icon of Holiday Happiness is little more than the brainchild of a poisonous advertising exec for Montgomery Ward.

Snopes: To most of us, the character of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer — immortalized in song and a popular TV special — has always been an essential part of our Christmas folklore. But Rudolph is a decidedly twentieth-century invention whose creation can be traced to a specific time and person.

Rudolph came to life in 1939 when the Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company (operators of a chain of department stores) asked one of their copywriters, 34-year-old Robert L. May, to come up with a Christmas story they could give away to shoppers as a promotional gimmick. (The Montgomery Ward stores had been buying and giving away coloring books for Christmas every year, and May’s department head saw creating a giveaway booklet of their own as a way to save money.) May, who had a penchant for writing children’s stories and limericks, was tapped to create the booklet.

May, drawing in part on the tale of The Ugly Duckling and his own background (he was a often taunted as a child for being shy, small, and slight), settled on the idea of an underdog ostracized by the reindeer community because of his physical abnormality: a glowing red nose. Looking for an alliterative name, May considered and rejected Rollo (too cheerful and carefree a name for the story of a misfit) and Reginald (too British) before deciding on Rudolph. He then proceeded to write Rudolph’s story in verse, as a series of rhyming couplets, testing it out on his 4-year-old daughter Barbara as he went along. Although Barbara was thrilled with Rudolph’s story, May’s boss was worried that a story featuring a red nose — an image associated with drinking and drunkards — was unsuitable for a Christmas tale. May responded by taking Denver Gillen, a friend from Montgomery Ward’s art department, to the Lincoln Park Zoo to sketch some deer. Gillen’s illustrations of a red-nosed reindeer overcame the hesitancy of May’s bosses, and the Rudolph story was approved. Montgomery Ward distributed 2.4 million copies of the Rudolph booklet in 1939, and although wartime paper shortages curtailed printing for the next several years, a total of 6 million copies had been given by the end of 1946.

Sure, you may argue that this scandal didn’t come from the Bush White House, but just like everything else you believe, you’d be wrong.

UPDATE:

Chris sends a link to Martin Scorcese’s Raging Rudolph. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Thanks Chris!

The Twelve Days of Christmas – DAY ELEVEN

December 23rd, 2005 at 8:23 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

As we draw near the end of our special 12 Days of Christmas: Last Minute Gift Ideas for Liberals, it’s important at this time of year to remember those who are here illegally, breaking our laws and living off the grid.

With that massive illegal labor/terror market in mind, we offer today’s gift: LEGOS: MEXICAN BORDER EDITION!

Say goodbye to flimsy fences and their gaping holes, big enough to drive a truck through. Say goodbye to unpatrolled rivers and leaky boats. Leave the leaky boats to the Cubans for cryin’ out loud.

Now that you’ve got the resources and the Lego-Brand tools to do the job right, you can use your Mexican Border lego set to finally secure our southern border, much to the chagrin of President Junior and his blood-brother Vicente Fox. When those two aren’t “hot chatting” on AOL in Español, they’re making out at one of their famous summit meetings.

You can even enlist your own Little Minutemen in the fight against the flood of illegals.

Fortunately, the instructions come only in Spanish, so it’s up to you to be bilingual. Since they’re not on the road to assimilation, you might as well get out your Berlitz tapes and get to work. It’s culturally insensitive for the U.S. to have a nasty official language like English, so get crackin’.

Also included is a special bonus insert on “How to Cross The U.S. Border” provided by the Mexican government. Consider it a gift from them to you. Along with the gift of cheap labor, plummeting wages, increased crime and a massive burden on the already-strapped welfare state.

PREVIOUSLY:

The Twelve Days of Christmas – DAY TEN

December 22nd, 2005 at 8:39 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Christmas is only three days away! Have you gotten all your shopping done for those lefties in your life? I mean, besides buying them those big CHOOSE LIFE t-shirts that Wham! used to wear.

Fear not, for I bring you good tidings of The Twelve Days of Christmas: Last Minute Gift Ideas for Liberals, Day Ten!

Today’s gift: Monopoly: Eminent Domain Special Edition!

You may remember playing classic Monopoly as a youngster. Sure the games took forever, but remember the fun you had buying property, setting up houses and hotels? Remember the pride you took in actually owning property and protecting that property from interlopers?

Well, in the new Monopoly Eminent Domain Edition, you can take as much pride in your property as you want, but remember – in today’s version, that property is temporary. Thanks to SCOTUS’ Kelo decision, this new game version reflects the new American reality that, as long as a developer wants your land and government wants more tax revenue, your property can taken on a whim, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!

Roll the dice and buy this lovely property in Fort Trumbull.

But lookout! That property is in New London, Connecticut, where the city government and local developers now have the Federal green light to take your property so that they can put up an office plaza for a pharmaceutical company! When the city needs more tax revenue, it’s time for you to hit the bricks, sister.

Maybe you’re running a little low on Monopoly Money and you need to find some affordable housing. Really affordable housing. You could do a lot worse than Riviera Beach, Florida. Sure, the area is a bit run down, but you’ve got a hell of a view. Not so fast, homeowner! Mayor Fatso wants to toss your poor ass out into the street so that he can build beachside condos and restaurants for people who do have a lot of Monopoly Money! You lose!

It’s not all bad news, playing Monopoly: Eminent Domain Edition. If you get really lucky, you might roll the dice and have the option of landing on Cilley Hill Road in Weare, New Hampshire. This will give you the opportunity to tear down David Souter’s run-down shack and put up a Lost Liberty Hotel. It’s in the community’s best interest, you know.

Monopoly Eminent Domain is sweeping the country! Now that the flood gates are open, there’s barely a state or local municipality that isn’t jumping in on the fun! And you may get to play as well – whether you want to or not!

PREVIOUSLY:

Merry Ramahanakwanzmas

December 21st, 2005 at 3:59 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

I usually don’t post stupid e-mail forwards that people send me, but this one made me chuckle. And since it’s Christmas, what the hell. From said stupid e-mail:

FOR MY DEMOCRAT FRIENDS & FAMILY:

“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.”

FOR MY REPUBLICAN FRIENDS & FAMILY:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Those Rappers Sure Are Stabby

December 21st, 2005 at 2:42 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Three stabbed at Notorious B.I.G. record release party.

NEW YORK – Three people were stabbed early Wednesday at a Manhattan club that was hosting a record release party for a new collection of duets featuring slain rapper Notorious B.I.G. Detectives also were investigating a shooting near the club, named Exit, that occurred around the same time. It was unclear if the two incidents were related.

Police said that at 3:10 a.m., patrol officers heard gunfire at a parking garage near the club. Inside, they found three men with gunshot wounds; all were taken to the hospital in stable condition.

Gunfire and stabbings at a big rap event? How… um… predictable.

Notorious B.I.G.’s big fat ghost could not be reached for comment.

Little Help?

December 21st, 2005 at 2:01 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in the ol’ referral logs lately. I’m seeing more google/yahoo/msn searches for “six meat buffet” and this pleases me.

This also reminds me that we need your help. And let’s face it, you’ve been freeloading around here long enough.

No, we’re not asking for money. Do you see a paypal button around here? (Well, at least not yet..) What we need your help with is SPREADING THE WORD about Six Meat Buffet.

If you enjoy the stuff we do around here and you have friends, relations, acquaintances, cellmates, strangers, enemies you think we would either entertain or enrage, tell them about us! If something here makes you laugh until you spray milk out your nose, or makes you so angry that your spleen explodes, causing great internal bleeding, forward it to your friends.

Word of mouth is a good thing. Use your words and invite others to the buffet. Next to big piles of money, it’s the best Christmas present you could give us.

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