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Football Friday

December 2nd, 2005 at 12:29 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

This is one of those rare times when I’m kind of glad the football season is winding down – even though I was an almost-respectable 3/5 in semi-pro and 4/5 in the NFL last week.

With the back-to-the-future hiring of David Cutcliffe and merciful dismissal of Jimmy Ray Stephens and Pat Washington, the Vols may or may not be on the road to recovery. I’m not 100% sold on Cutcliffe, but he does have a solid track record. At least this is more than just the window-dressing crap that The Great Pumpkin pulled after the failed 2003 season.

And speaking of the Great Pumpkin, I’m starting to recognize the genius behind the 2005 season. Just like many others in the world of NFL-Farm-League (NCAA) football, Fulmer realized that this season belonged to USC from the very beginning. UCLA isn’t going to beat them this weekend and they’re going to brutalize Texas in the National Championship game. You know it, I know it, the American people know it.

Realizing this, Fulmer and his cohorts hatched an evil plan to phone in the 2005 season. The players followed their fearless leader’s example and phoned it in as well. No one really wanted to face USC this post-season. I, for one, celebrate Fulmer’s foresight in devising this plot and I thank him for allowing us to avoid big-time bowl humiliation, much as we’ve suffered in the past to the likes of Nebraska, Kansas State, Clemson and (ugh) Maryland. Thanks, Coach!

This weekend’s big games as we say goodnight and goodbye to the college football season:

  • USC 37 UCLA 28I’d LOVE to see the Bruins pull this one out, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
  • Georgia 29 LSU 22Yeah, I know LSU is 10-1, but I still don’t think they’re all that. They did lose to Tennessee, remember.
  • Texas 59 Colorado 12Since the Puffs don’t stand a chance, I’d kind of enjoy watching Texas hang 100 on them. But if Texas sleepwalks through this one like they did last week, they’ll only win by 25 or so.
  • Va Tech 39 Florida State 17Florida State really is horrible.
  • Army 24 Navy 21I’m just glad they don’t let them use munitions during this one.

On to the NFL… I couldn’t have been more incorrect about the Chiefs/Patriots game. New England can thank their lucky stars that they’re in the shittiest division in the AFC. They’re 6-5 and STILL comfortably in the division lead over Buffalo, Miami and the Jets. If they were in a real division, they could be in trouble.

I really wanted to pick the Titans over the Colts this weekend. But after giving it more than a moment’s thought, there is no escaping the conclusion that Indy will win handily, 41-21. If our secondary wasn’t so young, I’d consider giving the Titans a chance, but it’s just not going to happen. But remember, if it does happen, you almost heard it here first! Elsewhere…

  • Da Bears 30 Packers 10Looks like the Bears are for real. The defense is starting to bring back memories of the 2000 Ravens. Without all the stabbing.
  • Carolina 27 Ron Mexico 17All Atlanta has is Ron Mexico. I’m optimistic that the Panthers will take advantage of that. I’m also hopeful that a couple of Panthers cheerleaders will take advantage of each other this weekend. Preferably on video.
  • Denver 33 Kansas City 30Yeah, I know I sold KC short last week. But this rivalry game will bring out the best in the Broncos. Plus Christian Okoye just isn’t himself these days.
  • Giants 27 Cowpokes 20How would you like to be Giants’ placekicker Jay Feely after his 3-miss collapse last weekend in Seattle? I’m really surprised he’s still on the team this week. Anyhoo, they’ll bounce back against the Cowboys this weekend.

4 Responses to “Football Friday”

  1. MacStansbury Says:

    YEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! that’s more like it! ALL KINDA WRONG!!!!

    let the schooling begin.

    1. The Vols were laying dormant because of VANDERBUILT’S National Championship team. I think we should really be looking at how Vanderbuilt blew it this season, rather than Tennessee. Still, I agree with the overall Rovian plot there.

    2. ussk will beat ook-la on a last second Adam Vinatiari field goal, and Tom Brady will win the MVP.

    3. Georgia will win the game, but LSU will still go to the BCS bowl game. The UGA AD will be all over the BCS committee, but nobody will bother to believe them, as none of them will bother to watch the game, and will merely just pick LSU cause it’s easier to spell.

    4. Army will beat Navy cause…they’re gay. And stupid. I dunno, you’re the football expert. Stupid Navy.

    GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

    5. Indy will lose their fist game of the season, as the Titans lay the smack down with 400 points and over 2,000 yards of offense. Ms. Pacman will actually make a couple of good defensive plays.

    Peyton Manning will be interviewed after the game. “Yeah, I was watching, and I kept couldn’t believing they were doing so well. They really outplayed us. I mentioned to Marvin on the other end of the couch, that we should’ve actually made the trip with the team, but Edge made this wonderful cheese dip, and we needed some time to bond.”

    6. Da Bears -6 Green Day -40 see what I did there? negative scores? huh? never mind.

    7. I’d just like to take a moment to point out…the AFC East is the worst division in football. This, while there’s still an NFC West, NFC North, and NFC East.

    cripes, Tennessee could win the NFC North. the ones who wear Orange, I mean.

  2. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Me thinks that Mac has been drinking.

  3. Lawrence Says:

    Wrong again with your K.C. @ home pick, Preston. K.C. will hand Denver loss # 3 for the year and my Chargers will kick some Raidah azz and move up a game in the division. Why would the Chiefs need Christain Okoye when they already have Barry Ward! Duh!!

  4. Vinnie Says:

    Almost, man, almost.

    Texas beat Colorado 70-3.

    I wonder how the riots in Boulder are going?

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