The 12 Days of Christmas – DAY FIVE
December 16th, 2005 at 11:10 am by Preston Taylor Holmes
Continuing with the tradition, it’s now Day Five in our 12 Days of Christmas: Last Minute Gift Ideas for Liberals campaign. We’re here to help you get your left-tilted shopping done and time is running out.
Today’s Gift? SIMON! ABU GHRAIB SIGNATURE EDITION!
Passing the time away in a detention center can be rough. Sometimes your meals aren’t cooked just right. Sometimes the staff doesn’t give your prayer rugs the cleanings you’re accustomed to. Other times, the staff is busy flushing your favorite holy book down the crapper. Sometimes you’re not even allowed to garden, write poetry or eat bran muffins.
Heck, it’s almost as bad as the Soviet Gulags down at Gitmo!
How does Simon: Abu Ghraib Edition work? Glad you asked.
Not only is the new Simon: Abu Ghraib Edition fun, but it sharpens your short-term memory, your manual dexterity and your ability to take increasing jolts of high-voltage electric shocks. But don’t worry, you won’t get enough amps to kill you – just enough to help out when we need that extra tidbit of information – we know you’ve got it, and we need it.
Critics agree – if you only buy one gift for the lefties on your list this year, let it be Simon: Abu Ghraib!
“I love it! This is an excellent blend of recreation and interrogation. I wish I’d thought of it first. This is no longer one of those Known Unknowns. The secret is out!” – Donald Rumsfeld
“This is one of the most absolutely horrific and inhumane gift items I have ever seen. I am completely against this recreational device and will work to have it banned. I will also have the discussion of it banned. As well as any other form of political speech or insulting language that I find horrific and inhumane. Wait…. what were we talking about?” – John “Maverick” McCain
“I had no idea that having John McCain’s nutsack in my mouth would feel so natural AND be so flavorful!” – President Junior
Hey, fellas, practice all you want, but it
gets a little harder when it’s the real thing!
PREVIOUSLY:
- Day Four: The Race Card Game
- Day Three: Stratego For Democrats
- Day Two: Bill Frist’s Operation!
- Day One: The Ted Kennedy Bathtub Playset
December 16th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
EWWWWW! But why IS McCain teabagging Bush??
December 16th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
Bush volunteered for that political teabagging. McCain just put it out there for him.
December 16th, 2005 at 1:36 pm
Aside from the teabaggin comment, your right on track. It beats the al-quaida bill o rights mcain and the lefties are trying to dream up.
Another great gift idea, the ACLU get out of gitmo free, complements of the US congress. Not another muslim shall be tortured.
December 16th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
Last year I got the Limited Edition Iraqi Severed Hand No-spill coasters. (set of six)
The fingers can be formed around most any tumbler or tankard making for an ultra-stable drink holder safe for even the tipsiest of boozers. And the natural hairiness of the Iraqi’s serves to prevent condensation in any climate. No rings!
Just clean with warm water and anti-bacterial softsoap.
December 16th, 2005 at 3:07 pm
“Make your hands now prepared for the practicing of the Simon…”
F’in classic!
I’ll be hearing that said in Apu’s voice in my head all night long now.
Along with
”
Line:613
Char: 1
Error:Object expected
Code: 0
URL: http://sixmeatbuffet.com/archives/2005/12/16/the-12-days-of-christmas-day-five/
”
In Bill Gates’ voice.
December 16th, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Do you have to play naked in mixed company? ….mmmmm…..
December 16th, 2005 at 4:05 pm
Funny you should ask, Frothy. When Lynndie England plays the game by herself, she’s actually playing it in mixed company.
December 16th, 2005 at 4:30 pm
Yes…well she does have a little from Column X and a little from Column Y goin’ there….
And you’re on probation for making me think of Lynndie England naked, Preston. Uck.
December 16th, 2005 at 6:21 pm
The advanced al-Simon players should get to go to the bonus round to take on Christopher Walken in a Deer Hunter-like setting.
December 16th, 2005 at 8:59 pm
Please explain to me the difference between this and marriage?
December 17th, 2005 at 12:14 am
[...] Preston out did himself with day number 5 of his twelve days of Christmas for Liberal’s with the Abu Ghraib Simon, fun for all enemy combatants and their defenders. Preston even works in how to play the game at home and includes personal reference statments from all big hitter in the game. Full Post here [...]
December 17th, 2005 at 2:17 pm
Two things, PTH:
1) You are one of the few that can make me laugh about terrorism and Islamic fundamentalists.
and
2) Shouldn’t you have the correct addresses of your crushes?
I mean, how can you visit your ladies if you keep going to their abandoned places?
A change in my link, love? Thank you
December 17th, 2005 at 4:31 pm
Incredible humor.
One objection the Muslims will have is that Simon is a Jewish name.
December 18th, 2005 at 8:48 am
Check out a funny site dedicated to the absurdity and satire nature of saying “It’s All George Bush’s Fault!”
http://www.itsallgeorgebushsfault.com
Regards,
Notta Libb
February 1st, 2006 at 8:55 pm
Where are 2005’s best posts?
They’re here. A compilation of the best posts we (and our readers) could find, from 2005.