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Give to Habitat for InHumanity – They Need Help Now More Than Ever

February 1st, 2006 at 9:29 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Hi. I’m Jimmy Carter. You may remember me from such events as my failed presidency and the original Iranian hostage crisis. You remember that retro hostage crisis – it’s so freakin’ retro, it should be on vinyl. Now a-days you can’t walk down the muslim street without tripping over a western hostage. Or at least their dismembered body. But it’s not the muslims’ fault – you’d do the same thing if you were living in the 7th century. That’s why we need your help. Give to the good people of Palestine. Give to Habitat for InHumanity.

At Habitat for InHumanity, we recognize that many governments will no longer shovel funds to the P.A. now that admitted terrorists are in power. Gone are the good old days of a gay pedophile leading the Palestinian people and stealing their money to enrich his own bank accounts. Governments couldn’t wait to write checks to the old P.A., but now it looks like the well off financial goodwill may sadly be drying up. Sure, you can say Palestine is not a real country, but you’d just be another lying Zionist dog who should taste his own blood.

I am proud of the Palestinian people for participating in a fair election, which, unlike elections in Iraq and the United States, was free from any election fraud or other voting-machine-related cheating.

Also, unlike elections in the United States, this election was free from race-based voter intimidation. We could learn a lot from these good people. Say what you will about Hamas, but at least Hamas is not corrupt. At least the government of Hamas has not exchanged “special” handshakes with Jack Abramoff.

This is why I ask you, the American people, to pick up and do the important work that our government will not. Give to Habitat for InHumanity. The good people of Hamas need your help to build new homes, as many of their old homes were bulldozed by the evil Zionists. The good people of Hamas need your help to buy nails, bolts, screws and other assorted metal bits for their improvised explosive devices.

If you can’t give money, at least send messages of hope. Have your kids make “peace cards” for the future suicide bombers of Hamas. Your child’s message could be that last bit of inspiration that a young suicide bomber needs to complete his mission. Perhaps you could make a “peace quilt” and send it to Hamas. Everyone likes quilts. Even murderers like quilts.

The democratic republic of Hamas needs your help now more than ever. Um… did I say Hamas? I meant Palestine.

Did you know that “the Palestinian Authority now has 60,000 members of its security force. Only ten per cent of them have been permitted to have weapons, side arms?”

In addition, “they have not been accused – even by the Israelis – of promoting any sort of violent actions. They have not been accused of being corrupt. And I think it was that record that they had established in their own administration of local governments that was one of the major factors in their success on the 25th.”

Hamas has no history of violence, and I believe this election proves that.

Just remember, your spare change could buy a Palestinian an AK-47. Please give. Give ’til it hurts. Literally.


17 Responses to “Give to Habitat for InHumanity – They Need Help Now More Than Ever”

  1. Riehl World View Says:

    You Know What Is Was?

    I’ve never been able to figure out Jimmy Carter since he left office. Now, I know. It had to have been all those years on those damn submarines.

  2. Agent Bedhead Says:

    Ah Preston. There will be a special place in hell for us humourists. At least we’ll be together. :twisted:

  3. Chad Evans Says:

    Hah! Very nice. The line “pusing Jews into the Sea is hard work” cause me to spit my coffee out this morning. Thanks.

  4. Rhod Says:

    Carter is a preening, sanctimonious sewer trout, with all the charm of a syphilis chancre. When this Godawful piece of garbage departs the public scene, we should have a day of national celebration.

  5. Dan Patterson Says:

    #3 Rhod. “…sanctimonious sewer trout”. Heh. And I was going to say that he was as crazy as a shithouse rat. You bested me and I’m thankful for it.

    The unthinkable sympathy for tyrannical dictators and murderous animals continues to shock, no matter how often expressed and how predictable the source.

    Dan Patterson
    Arrogant Infidel
    The Holy City of Winston-Salem

  6. utron Says:

    It had to have been all those years on those damn submarines.

    “Maybe it’s the saltwater in my veins, or the nitrogen bubbles in my brain,…”
    –Captain Tenille, The Simpsons

  7. Rhod Says:

    Dan:

    Carter is the nastiest and most rotten collection of cells ever assembled in a biped. Particularly, as you noted, in his slavish and clearly sado-masochistic urges with dictators and mass murderers.

    We have his political history to read, and everything prior to his tyrannoassmunching in later years was there even before he walked Pennsylvania Avenue. He was a lying, anal, closet racist hypocrite in Georgia and he dragged his sensibilities into the White House and beyond.

    The man is awful beyond description. Billy was a giant by comparison.

  8. Rusty Says:

    I’m not sure who this Carter fella you refer to is.

  9. Jeremiah Says:

    Oh, the Peanut! The Peanut!

  10. Agent Bedhead Says:

    Yeah, who is Jimmy Carter anyway? I keep getting him confused with Johnny Carson.

  11. Cranky Says:

    When describing Carter in generous terms, I’d hear, “he was a good man but a rotten President.”

    That was my opinion up until the point where he stepped of the roof at Habitat and fell flat into the arms of any anti-American dictator who would have him.

  12. john ryan Says:

    well at leaast he didn’t have to give pardons away to his own people to keep them out of jail

  13. MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy » Blog Archive » WTW - OH HAY I FERGAT SOME THANG Says:

    [...] YAH YAH BLAH BLAH MR ALL GRAMMER AND SHIT BUTT I IS TELLIN YA;LL IF’N U DINT GO HELP D-SIDE WHAT SHE. SHOUD WARE THEN U MISSEN OUT. MISS BETH THAT BITCH SHE BIN LAZEY AND I NO I NO ITS BIN LIKE 3 DAY’S SINTS JEFFRO AXED. THE QUESCHIN BUTT HOW BOUT HEPPIN OUT!!!! HOW THE HELL SHE GUNNA HOOK UP WITH THAT HUGE CHE OR WHAT EVOR HIS NAME IS IF SHE BE LOOKIN LIKE HELL LIKE THAT!!! AND LOOKY, JIMMUH CARTOR PROLLY WOOD DO HER TO IF SHE WOOD GIT PURTIED UP CUZ HE A HARD WORKIN MAN AND HE PROLLY WANT’S A NOTHER CRAZEY PERSON CUZ OL ROZ AINT CRAZEY ENUFF FER HIM. NE-WAYZ., SHE GOT’S TO DO SOME DAM THANG WITH THAT LOOK!!!! I DONE TOLD JEFFRO IN THEM COMMINT’S, THAT HOAR NEEDS A MULLU OMARR SUIT SO SHE KIN COVER UP HER UGGLYASS FACE AND THAT HAIR LAWDY LARD!!!!!111!! AND HOW ABOUT A LITTLE MAKE UP BUTT NO SO SHE OTTA BE COVORED FROM HER LIL ACORN HEAD DOWN TO HER FAT DONUT ANKEL’S!!! AND HER STANKY ASS BEAR FEET THAY GOT MUD IN THEM NARLY TOE’S SO SHE NEED BOOT’S NOT NO DAMN SLINGER BACK’S!!!!11! I THANK I NEED TO TRY TO GIVE HER FUGLY OL MAN LOOKIN ASS A MAKE OVOR AGIN BUTT LAST TIME I TRYED ME AND PRESSTIN GOT IN A FITE WITH ALLA THEM DAM DITCH HIPPY’S SO IT AINT WORKED OUT. WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME!!! BUTT IF NOT THEN IT IS THE BLACK GOAST LOOKIN THANG AND WITH THEM SCAREY BEEDY EYE’S COVERED TO!!!! LAWDY LORD!!!! NOW GIT!!! LOVEXOXOXO!!! BEULAH MAE!!!! o hell i allway’s fuck up them cap’s lockin butt i aint tipping the hole damn thang ovor agin so ya;ll;s r gonna have 2 deal with it ya’ll. damn. o yah and i spect some buddy to speek to me gaddangit wat’s the mattor wtih yal’l makeing me talk at my own sef?!!!! say some thang damit!!! and read my othor thang about scarey fat ass mr roger’s!!! [...]

  14. In the Bullpen » Carter Believes ‘There’s a Good Chance’ Hamas will Become Non-Violent Says:

    [...] Six Meat Buffet has a parody of President Jimmy Carter and his decision to stand with Hamas. [...]

  15. The Politburo Diktat » Blog Archive » A Few Good Posts Says:

    [...] Six Meat Buffet » Give to Habitat for InHumanity – They Need Help Now More Than Ever Hi. I’m Jimmy Carter. You may remember me from such events as my failed presidency and the original Iranian hostage crisis. You remember that retro hostage crisis – it’s so freakin’ retro, it should be on vinyl. Now a-days you can’t walk down the muslim street without tripping over a western hostage. Or at least their dismembered body. But it’s not the muslims’ fault – you’d do the same thing if you were living in the 7th century. That’s why we need your help. Give to the good people of Palestine. Give to Habitat for InHumanity.   [Permalink] [Trackback URL] Trackback URL for this entry: http://acepilots.com/mt/2006/02/02/a-few-good-posts/trackback/ [...]

  16. Cold Fury Says:

    Would it surprise anybody?

    Mr. Peanut-head shills for a “good” cause:
    Hi. I’m Jimmy Carter. You may remember me from such events as my failed presidency and the original Iranian hostage crisis. You remember that retro hostage crisis – it’s so freakin’ retro, it…

  17. Cranky Says:

    Wow, that’s high praise. I turned everything I touched into crap, but hey, I wasn’t Nixon!

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