That’s right, Preston. We had to call in an extra custodian for mop-up duty that night, that’s for sure. There is nothing more exciting than a first-round women’s NCAA basketball game. With the depth of talent from the 1st seed to the 16th seed, you know you’re in for a good game in each and every bracket.

We were glued to our seats as well, Nancy.

Well, I may have been workin’ the sidelines, but I’m not ashamed to admit I had my own little tingly-feeling going.

The game lacked the professionalism of the WNBA playoffs, but I enjoyed it just the same, I suppose. Have I shown you my f***ing trophy?

We believe all forms of competition are inherently evil. These teams were just following a tradition started by abusive misogynists throwing a ball in a peach bucket. Shameful.

Good point girls. In fact, I’ve written a song about the oppressive patriarchal nature of the sport and I’d like to share it with you….

That won’t be necessary, but thanks. Have you been enjoying the tournament, Billie Jean?

Wrong sport.

You know, there is an oppressive patriarchy at work in stand-up comedy as well. There isn’t a hurdle I haven’t jumped to get where I am today. Which is… um…. where am I?

Well, since you asked, I’ve got a lot of things lined up. You know, after playing the emotionally draining, but award-winning, role of Beth last year, it’s been hard to get back on track. But my agent says…

Actually, we were asking about the women’s NCAA tournament, Rosie.

Venezuela is for lovers.

You know, it’s really wrong for you guys to stifle Ani’s freedom of expression. I realize that we’re living under the brutal theocratic regime of Chimpy McHitler, but Ani should still be able sing her song about the injustices inherent in competitive sports. Regime change now!

Just to be clear about this, I support the woman’s right to choose whether to dunk the ball, fingertip roll the ball and grab the net, lay it up off the glass, or bomb in the trey from behind the arc. And I support the President and his tacit acceptance of illegal immigration, even at the expense of national security. Thank you.

We have totally missed the point of racial discrimination in the ESPN building itself. Everytime I go in there, someone makes a wisecrack about me using the correct water fountain. I am not putting up with it any more. They don’t pull that crap at ABC.

I know I seem angry, but once you get to know me, you’ll realize how funny I really am. I’m hilarious. And I’m not just saying that – people have told me that.

Where the hell did you come from?

Swish! Three points!

Wrong sport.