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This Just In – Puritans Hate Crap

April 3rd, 2006 at 2:24 pm by Cranky

The new Puritans are at it again. Witness:

Paul Verhoeven, director of the first “Basic Instinct” (which scored $353 million worldwide) as well as the widely ridiculed “Showgirls” (now regarded as something of a camp classic), attributes the genre’s demise to the current American political climate.

“Anything that is erotic has been banned in the United States,” said the Dutch native.

That chill wind you’re feeling? It’s not your assless chaps this time. No sirree, it’s censorship!

Continuing…

“Look at the people at the top (of the government). We are living under a government that is constantly hammering out Christian values. And Christianity and sex have never been good friends.”

Scribe Nicholas Meyer, who was an uncredited writer on 1987′s seminal sex-fueled cautionary tale “Fatal Attraction,” agrees, noting that the genre’s downfall coincides with the ascent of the conservative political movement.

“We’re in a big puritanical mode,” he said. “Now, it’s like the McCarthy era, except it’s not ‘Are you a communist?’ but ‘Have you ever put sex in a movie?’”

That’s right, whatever the Religious Right dictates, Hollywood blithely complies. Remember when Dr. Dobson said we needed more gay sheepherders portrayed in cinema?

So what’s all the fuss anyway? Glad you asked:

“Basic Instinct 2″ limped into 10th place upon its arrival this weekend, grossing just $3.2 million.

Bad box office.

Could there be a reason other than the damned Puritans making their voodoo-curse prayers against Hollywood?

But in recent years, some high-profile actors have tackled the genre with mixed results. Meg Ryan, who made her career cultivating a girl-next-door persona, teamed with Oscar-nominated director Jane Campion in 2003 for the titillating “In the Cut.” Ryan’s performance was widely panned, and the Screen Gems film was a box office dud, earning less than $19 million worldwide.

But Diane Lane’s 2002 turn as an adulterous wife in Adrian Lyne’s “Unfaithful” revived her career, earning her a best actress Oscar nomination. The 20th Century Fox film also proved to be a surprise hit, grossing $122 million worldwide.

…

For producer JC Spink, the genre’s demise has little to do with politics, scripts or willing talent and everything to do with the Internet, which became ubiquitous in American homes around the same time studio executives were suffering through such debacles as “Body of Evidence,” “Showgirls” and “Jade.”

But what about the Puritans? They’re the ones screwing everything up. Why just last Tuesday a bunch of black hat wearing, musket toting Puritans jacked my car!

Listen before it’s too late!

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7 Responses to “This Just In – Puritans Hate Crap”

Swamp Rabbit Says:
April 3rd, 2006 at 3:40 pm
These people suck, their movies suck, their whining about how stupid people are because they won’t go see their movies sucks. Let’s see, 1..2.3,,, yeah I worked three sucks in there,, oh now it’s four…….
FreakyBoy Says:
April 3rd, 2006 at 3:53 pm
Hey Paul, send over something really erotic and we’ll watch it – not this steaming pantload.
Van Helsing Says:
April 3rd, 2006 at 5:13 pm
When is someone going to start an anti-Hollywood that cares what normal Americans want to see?
Cranky Says:
April 3rd, 2006 at 10:19 pm
Van, when people like me get the good sense to stop paying to see crud like “V for Vendetta”.

I can’t believe I’ve enriched Hollywood this last weekend. Still feeling icky…
The Unabrewer Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 12:29 am
They could have tried this in, oh, 1995, when people still gave a rat’s ass about Basic Instinct and Sharon Stone.
Jeff_W Says:
April 4th, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Eh, I thought the original Basic Instink was stupid and really not that sexy.

Now, if Jedidiah takes time from plowing the fields and recommends Jennifer Love Hewitt or Stacy Keibler for the role I might shell out the money.
annika Says:
April 5th, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Sorry to hear about your car dude.

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