Where is George Bush?
April 7th, 2006 at 8:58 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes
Looks like we’ve got a line of storms and twisters heading our way. These same storms have already kicked the shit out of Smantix’s section of the state, killing more than 7 people. You alright, Smantix, or are you already in Vegas?
I’ve been on the phone for the last half hour trying to get through to the White House about these storms. If I learned anything last summer, it’s that when severe weather is bearing down you, the first responsibility for your safety lies with the federal government and the White House. Why won’t you pick up the phone, Mr. President?
I’m going to sit here until an official government agency representative tells me whether or not to turn off my computer and what steps to take to ensure my safety, or until someone comes by with a check. Because it is the first of the month.
Ooooh – someone’s knockin’ at the door. Better see who it is.
UPDATE:
We made it. But there are a few stray branches in our yard. I fully expect whoever the acting director of FEMA is to come and clean this stuff up before noon. Why is nobody at FEMA answering the phone this morning?!?
April 7th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Did you try Crawford? It is, after all, a Congressional Recess. No point being in DC.
April 7th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
“Easy to be cruel”
“Easy to say no”
Oh, sorry about that, the mind drifts. Wicked! Wicked! Good luck up there.
April 7th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
Phil Bredesen doesn’t care about Trailer People. After storms tore through here last week, we were still left defenseless! Tens of thousands of undocumented workers were caught without windbreakers and umbrellas.
Dozens of tacowagons have been lost. Es muy mal.
Why wasn’t there a wall (much like the one separating Church and State) built to protect us from winds blowing over our borders from our tornado prone neighbors??? Arkansas, I’m looking in your direction.
Being the 3rd fattest state, we ran out of food like two hours ago. We’ve already looted the Food Town but global warming is causing all the ice cream to melt. That’s the only explanation that makes any sense.
If we don’t get some supplies flown in soon, we’re going to have to resort to..*gasp*…cannibalism. And start raping each other like a Duke LaCrosse party at the Superdome.
Help Mr. President! Our Governor is incompetent enough to run for your job!
April 7th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
It’s a-stormin’ here pretty good now. Funny how the TeeVee Nooz was all breathless and was giving the storm their rapt attention for hours. Then the first wave blew through, went mostly north of Knoxville and not much happened. (I thought Todd was going to have a joygasm going on about storm cells, right hooks, tornadic activity, etc etc … until Robin reminded him that the storms that were so exciting to him had already killed ten people.)
Anyway … the second wave is here, bearing down directly on Knoxville, and the TeeVee is back on their “regularly scheduled broadcast” … I guess the advertisers starting screaming or something.
Stay safe! And dry!
April 7th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Storm of the Century?…
They have been warning about this storm system for two days … it's here now. Tornados have already touched down in Middle Tennessee. There is now a tornado warning in Morgan Co, about 40 miles due west of here. It's coming this way. Will up…
April 7th, 2006 at 11:59 pm
When the San Andreas pegs the Richter at 9.9 and we here in San Diego succumb to aenima http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/TOOL/Aenima.html
and break off into the Pacific, where the hell will Chimpy McHitler be to prevent this unforseen (but, predictable) tragedy that lays demise to some 3+ million people?!
April 8th, 2006 at 1:11 am
Its me!!!!!!!!!!! Hi Preston old dude, how the heck are ya, quite a nasty storm out there, timed precisely to divert attention from the leak story, good ol’Karl.
April 8th, 2006 at 8:58 am
You people are missing the bigger picture. Bush’s callous disregard for Kyoto spawned these ginormous twisters.
By not expending the hot air on rhetoric like our European counterparts, a low pressure system developed.
April 8th, 2006 at 9:04 am
Jane! I thought the Yemeni government might have you locked up by now. Nice to see you!
This line deserves a post of its own, Cranky:
“By not expending the hot air on rhetoric like our European counterparts, a low pressure system developed.”
April 8th, 2006 at 10:17 am
Bush selects FEMA permanent director…
WASHINGTON — President Bush on Thursday nominated the acting director of the Federal Emergency…
April 8th, 2006 at 3:06 pm
California will be destroyed in the very near future for letting that God Damn idiot Mahoney build that awful pagan like cathedral.
Not so sure what all the destruction in Tenn is about. CBN has yet to take responsibility for that one!
Seriously, glad you guys escaped the storm.
April 9th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Sunday Funnies…
Nothing funny about faithmouse’s picture this week.
The Skwib has the carnival of satire
Dr. Sanity has the Carnival of Insanities
Ace shows us a big bunny
Wuzzadem tells the story of Joe “macho man” Wilson at a Starbucks.
Expose …
April 10th, 2006 at 12:34 am
Preston! Only I get to sweep you off your feet! No mere “wind” is allowed to do such things!
April 10th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Very funny, Preston. But Smantix’s response is just plain hilarious. He should probably blog somewhere. Or do stand up.
April 11th, 2006 at 10:58 pm
You could not be more right AnonymousDrivel. But what sort of tasteless, lunatic, rightwing site, that caters to the worst in humanity, would let somebody like me defile their bandwidth and subsequent reputations?
April 12th, 2006 at 12:48 am
Smantix,
Good question. You are very wise, too, Obi-wan san. Perhaps a highbrow think tank with lots of blue commentary is in your future. Why waste your talents contributing to a dump?
April 12th, 2006 at 1:24 am
Well, we’ll just have to part ways on that one AD unless you’re being sarcastic. Preston and Cranky are two of the consistently funniest and insightful guys I read. And there’s a lot of competition in that category.
The Buffet was an Institution before me as it would remain were I not here.
In the interim…
Wounded am I by my happiness: all sufferers shall be physicians unto me!
To my friends can I again go down, and also to mine enemies!
[...]
Like a cry and an huzza will I traverse wide seas, till I find the Happy Isles where my friends sojourn;-
And mine enemies amongst them! How I now love every one unto whom I may but speak! Even mine enemies pertain to my bliss.
And when I want to mount my wildest horse, then doth my spear always help me up best: it is my foot’s ever ready servant:–
The spear which I hurl at mine enemies! How grateful am I to mine enemies that I may at last hurl it!
Or however that should be interpreted.
April 12th, 2006 at 6:42 am
Smantix,
I keed, I keed. The staff usually makes coffee exit either my left or right nostril. Your post just happened to draw it from both.
As far as that high-falutin’ talk (*** passing hand over head with accompanying whooshing sound ***)… my head just ’sploded. Between that and the coffee, you’re causing quite a mess.
April 12th, 2006 at 8:30 am
Whew, thank God. I was starting to take these slings and arrows personally.