Comments on: Earph Day

By: Andrew Kaduk

Andrew Kaduk — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 16:04:12 +0000

I usually celebrate Earph day all year long…I save all of my fast food garbage, empty smoke packs, and porn catalogs I get in the mail, then when Earph day actually arrives, I typically grab a friend, load them in the car with me and we clean the son-of-a-bitch out along the interstate (usually screaming “EVERYDAY IS EARTH DAY!!!” at the top of our lungs as the armloads of refuse get catapulted out the windows and sunroof). It’s also my little contribution to inmate rehabilitation, because I’ve heard from a lot of people that it’s the highlight of a prisoner’s week to go wear the orange vest and pick up shit from the side of the road.

By: Billy

Billy — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 14:44:31 +0000

Thanks for the advice y’all…after Church I plan on renting a Hummer, driving to a Home Depot 50 miles away (although there is one just down the street), loading it with the most chemically complex fertilizer I can find, and dumping it across their lawn.

One problem. Since they are all still passed out in the back yard, am I liable if they wake up, try to smoke it, and choke to death?

By: Preston Taylor Holmes

Preston Taylor Holmes — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 14:18:34 +0000

Good point, Feisty, as usual. I should have remembered this from the Tenacious D “Jesus Ranch” episode where they used the commune’s fecal matter to grow mammoth baked potatoes.

“I’m takin’ a walk in the woods
It’s nice outside,
smells of shit…”

By: Feisty

Feisty — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 13:06:08 +0000

PTH, while the shitting thing is symbolic of your annoyance and all, you do realize that shit is an effective organic fertilizer and you’d probably make them all HAPPY by taking a fantastic dump on their lawn? Hell, they’d cheer, get out the yard rakes and spread it all over the damn place.

Ironically, a more diabolical scheme would be to sneak in under cover of darkness and use chemically-enriched commercial FERTILIZER on their lawn. That’d REALLY piss ‘em off.

By: Preston Taylor Holmes

Preston Taylor Holmes — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 12:50:55 +0000

No, no, I’m relying on you to spread earth day cheer by going over and shitting in the middle of their drum circle.

By: Billy

Billy — Sun, 23 Apr 2006 05:57:48 +0000

My hippie neighbors are having a freakin’ EARPH DAY party! Can you believe that crap? I think they are celebrating by smoking some of the lettuce they grow.

Preston, maybe you can come over and take a shit in THEIR yard?