This morning, I put myself through excruciating torture. Worse than that of any inmate at the Gitmo chicken coops. Worse than anything suffered by the victims at the many CIA Secret Prisons.

I went to a local salon and got my first (and possibly last) ever back wax.

Yeah, for those of you who didn’t just vomit out your nose and mouth, that’s right, back wax. Now, I’m no Jerry Lawler or Dirty Dutch Mantell, but I’ve got my fair share of back decoration.

In fact, if you’ll look at this chart…

… you’ll see that I register as a 6 on the official Dozier/Sasquatch Back Hair scale. By comparison, Dutch Mantell would register as a full-on 10 on the scale.

Consequently, I stand here with back that feels like I’ve been lashed with a cat-o-nine-tails and a feeling of violation that I haven’t experienced since an uncomfortable afternoon in my high school locker room.

Do I recommend it? If you’re a masochist, absolutely. If not, give it serious consideration.

I’ll probably keep going back because the girl who did it was delightfully tall drink of water that I wouldn’t mind torturing me on a regular basis….

We now end this post, which has provided more information than you could ever have wanted. For that, I apologize. It’s a shame I don’t have editors at a time like this.

Posted by Preston Taylor Holmes @ 11:26 am
16 Comments and 2 Trackbacks | Permalink | Trackback URI

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2. [...] Six Meat Buffet » Vanity, Thy Name Is Preston This morning, I put myself through excruciating torture. Worse than that of any inmate at the Gitmo chicken coops. Worse than anything suffered by the victims at the many CIA Secret Prisons.   [Permalink] [Trackback URL] Trackback URL for this entry: http://acepilots.com/mt/2006/05/14/too-much-information/trackback/ [...]

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:: Comments ::

1. Oh, I feel the pain…

   A girl my roommate in college was dating was in cosmetology school wanted to practice her newly learned skills, and I was the torture recipient. I’ll personally never do that again. I realize she was learning, but damnit, that was worse than anything I’ve ever endured. The aftermath was worse… I hope they did something to prevent ingrown hairs when they start growing back.

   comment by chip — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 11:50 am

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2. Uh. Listen guys: Men don’t wax their stuff. Men don’t dye their hair. Men don’t get botox injections. Men don’t carry “bags”. Got it?
   Men fart and scratch. Men make money. Men build stuff. Men break stuff. Men protect and serve.
   Oh. And men chase after cool and just-a- little-trashy blog-babes like the Feisty Republican Whore. She’ll wax something for you.

   Dan Patterson
   Arrogant Infidel

   comment by Dan Patterson — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 12:40 pm

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3. And men chase after cool and just-a- little-trashy blog-babes like the Feisty Republican Whore. She’ll wax something for you.

   Duh; however, I’d tie him up and strip him naked first.

   Have your woman rub some Nair on your back after it starts to grow out again, if you want to puss out, darling. That’ll take it right off without an ounce ‘o pain.

   comment by Feisty — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 12:50 pm

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4. Geez, Preston. You *paid* cash money for that when we could have held an online auction to fleece the screaming 6MB vagotariat? For the sweet, sweet privilege of hearing you purr like a baby walrus?

   This must be for that new upcoming country album you said you were working on, “Did I Shave My Taint For This?”

   No George “The Animal” Steele?

   comment by Smantix — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 2:41 pm

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5. I heard there’ll be a live showing of Preston’s freshly waxed back today a 7:00pm.

   I’m so there.

   comment by canuck5 — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 5:31 pm

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6. What’s Smantix going to have to grab onto now?

   

   comment by Vinnie — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 6:09 pm

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7. Coming to 6MB on a weekend and finding this post is like discovering HBOs late night programming. First, you’re shocked and appalled. But inexplicably, you find yourself watching.

   comment by Cranky — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 6:12 pm

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8. What’s Smantix going to have to grab onto now?

   What else have I got to grab onto, Vinnie? Except the memory of you.

   Good point Cranky. I’ve been waiting for HBO’s After Dark Brazilian Bikini Wax Confessions myself.

   comment by Smantix — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 6:55 pm

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9. yowch. Do the initials TMI mean nothing to you!

   comment by annika — Saturday, May 13, 2006 @ 11:02 pm

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10. Oh! That brings back memories…

    I and my two brothers (all of us in the 6′4″, 250+ defensive lineman mold), would, of an evening, put on our coveralls and a nice CAT or Falstaff baseball hats, and, en masse, shamble in, Skoal-in-cheek and spitcups in hand, on the chic-est hair salon in the toniest shopping mall we could find.

    Why? To get an estimate on a bikini wax, of course!

    The look of horror on beehive-head behind the counter as the request sunk in and these three slabs of beef began unbuttoning shoulder straps was nothing short of priceless!

    “No, no, no, NONONONO!” would come the gagging response! “We don’t do that for…” Men? Wookies? Neanderthals? They never finished the sentence for some reason.

    A few indignant remarks about sexism, lawsuits and protests was usually enough to garner the price of a six-pack of Pabst and a bottle of Jagie.

    Ah, good times, good times.

    Young, huge and hairy. Not just a condition, it’s a lifestyle!

    comment by heldmyw — Sunday, May 14, 2006 @ 8:45 am

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11. I’ll probably keep going back because the girl who did it was delightfully tall drink of water that I wouldn’t mind torturing me on a regular basis….

    Unfortunately, she’s dually repulsed by your buffalo hide AND your effeminate wish to have it removed.

    Best try your moves elsewhere.

    comment by Bill from INDC — Sunday, May 14, 2006 @ 10:19 pm

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12. Well, we wimmen don’t get our backs waxed, but…well, maybe you can get an inkling of what we go through. If you think getting your back waxed is tough…

    comment by Beth — Monday, May 15, 2006 @ 12:35 am

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13. I knew I was opening myself up for attack on this one, I just didn’t know it was going to come from some of the blogosphere’s most well-equipped battleships. I suppose I deserve it for some karma-related offense somewhere.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Monday, May 15, 2006 @ 7:52 am

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14. From one of the blogshpere’s more insignificant warships: jeez, don’t you know that the hair will only come back thicker and darker? Enjoy your new addiction.

    Off topic: what about a soccer world cup pool like you had for the NCAA?

    comment by Pigilito — Monday, May 15, 2006 @ 9:06 am

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15. Ummmmm, that is sooooo metrosexual.

    I agree with Dan Patterson, real men have hairy bodies. And Dutch Mantell is definitely not a 10 on the hairy scale. If I were a 10 on that scale, Dutch would only be a 7.

    comment by Izzy — Monday, May 15, 2006 @ 1:11 pm

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16. hee.hee.

    comment by michele — Monday, May 15, 2006 @ 10:25 pm

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