Top Secret Government Data-Mining Revealed!!
May 17th, 2006 at 9:12 pm by CrankyCheck out this little code-snippet I found while hacking the NSA sub-net and downloading the packets using an IP socket into my PDA (Thanks, Chloe O’Brien)!
SELECT *
FROM ATT_DB, VERIZON
WHERE caller LIKE ‘Jihadi%’ OR ‘Terrorist%’ OR ‘Paranoid Leftie’
OR
caller_gender=’male’ AND last_site_visited = ‘MarthaStewartLiving.com’
OR
caller_name = ‘Tom Hanks’ AND last_hit_film = ‘SavingPrivateRyan’
FROM ATT_DB, VERIZON
WHERE caller LIKE ‘Jihadi%’ OR ‘Terrorist%’ OR ‘Paranoid Leftie’
OR
caller_gender=’male’ AND last_site_visited = ‘MarthaStewartLiving.com’
OR
caller_name = ‘Tom Hanks’ AND last_hit_film = ‘SavingPrivateRyan’
IF @@RECORDCOUNT > 0
Exec dispatchBlackHelicopter()
Like it or not, Big Brother is here.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:03 pm
Your SQL blows chimps.
May 17th, 2006 at 10:09 pm
ChimpyMcBusHitler’s even.
What’s an SQL?
May 18th, 2006 at 1:54 am
Haha! This made me laugh. There’s a first time for everything Cranky.
May 18th, 2006 at 10:29 am
Data Mining Revealed…
Cranky from over at Six Meat has broken the current NSA / CIA / FBI / DHS / AAA / DOT / FHA / FFA / 4H / FICA / CCC / WAM / WAC / BBD / BVD / STD / CDB / PDF / EXE / HTM / SWF / DMV / VHS / DVD / CDR / RTB / TCB case wide open with his post revealing t…
May 18th, 2006 at 10:56 am
Where’s the JOIN statement?
BTW, funny and geeky.
May 18th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
sSQL = “SELECT * ” &_
“FROM ATT_DB AS a ” &_
“WHERE (a.caller LIKE ‘Jihadi%’ OR ‘Terrorist%’ OR ‘Paranoid Leftie’) ” &_
“OR ” &_
“(a.caller_gender=’male’ AND a.last_site_visited = ‘MarthaStewartLiving.com’) ” &_
“OR ” &_
“(a.caller_name = ‘Tom Hanks’ AND a.last_hit_film = ‘SavingPrivateRyan’) ” &_
“UNION ” &_
“SELECT * ” &_
“FROM VERIZON AS v ” &_
“WHERE (v.caller LIKE ‘Jihadi%’ OR ‘Terrorist%’ OR ‘Paranoid Leftie’) ” &_
“OR ” &_
“(v.caller_gender=’male’ AND v.last_site_visited = ‘MarthaStewartLiving.com’) ” &_
“OR ” &_
“(v.caller_name = ‘Tom Hanks’ AND v.last_hit_film = ‘SavingPrivateRyan’) ”
aResultSet = DBQuery(sSQL)
If UBound(aResultSet,2) = 0 THEN
Call dispatchBlackHelicopter()
oCaller.wireTap = True
iGitmoReservations = GitmoReservations + 1
End If
And that’s assuming that your ERD looks like a Kentucky family tree.
May 18th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Whoopsie.
If UBound(aResultSet,2) > 0 THEN
May 18th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
I love you geeks!
May 18th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
101st Blog Of The Day…
Marching on in my self-imposed project to visit one member of the fighting 101st each day, today I quick timed over to Six Meat Buffet for a quick meal. Well, figuratively speaking. Cranky found absolute proof positive that Big Brother is alr…
May 18th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
This has officially gone over the top. Excellent.
May 20th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
Snooping Around…
Washington County, Pennsylvania Commissioner, Diana Irey is challenging long-time Congressman John Murtha for the 12th Pennsylvania District Congressional Seat….