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Dear Hustler, I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me…

June 10th, 2006 at 6:03 pm by Smantix

Heaves2Muthatoids
“A vote for me is a vote to bring the cold-blooded murderers of Prince Al-Zarqawi to Justice!”, so says House Majority Hopeful Howlin’ Mad Murtha (D-EAF)

Despite the nattering nabobs of nutball decrying the futility of the exile for Iraq’s Ace freedom fighter to the land of 72 thong-wearing white raisins, bin Laden’s HR Department is okaying a little OT this weekend as they’re feeling, er…short staffed:

The raids came as al-Qaida issued urgent appeals for money and volunteers to fight U.S. forces, a day after the news of al-Zarqawi’s death left the organization without a clearly identifiable leader.
[...]
Two official statements posted on the Web site used by al-Qaida in Iraq urged Muslims to volunteer to fight in Iraq, saying al-Zarqawi’s death should remind them of their “duty” to fight infidels.

Iraq is the front line of defense for Islam and Muslims. So, don’t miss this opportunity to join the Mujahedeen and the martyrs,” said one signed by Abdullah Rasheed al-Baghdadi, who succeeded al-Zarqawi this year as head of the Mujahedeen Shura Council, the umbrella group that includes al-Qaida in Iraq.

“This is a compulsory duty for all Muslims in these days,” it said.
[...]
Another statement in the name of Hamil al-Rashash (Holder of the Rifle) struck a more desperate note.

Help, help! Support, support!” it said addressing the Islamic ummah, or community. “Assistance, assistance! Where is your money? And where are your men? There is no excuse for you.

Mmm…the stink of desperation. Maybe they could get Godsmack to help confuse the kids into joining the jihad.

In related news, as the rubble of Zarqawi’s Hibhib hideout is being examined, Mr. Holier Than Thou really likes liked his holies:

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was accompanied by women who wore skimpy clothes and read magazines on current affairs and militant propaganda, an inspection of the house he was killed in showed on Saturday.

propaganda

The remains of Zarqawi’s isolated “safe house” also suggested that the al-Qaeda leader in Iraq and his companions – which an Iraqi army officer said included two women and an eight-year-old girl – lived with few luxuries.
[...]
There were few clues on Zarqawi’s extreme ideology or the militant groups he was linked to in the rubble of the building that was pulverised by two 227kg bombs in a US air strike on Wednesday.

One leaflet identified a radio station in Latifiya south of the capital as an apparent target.

A few feet away was a magazine picture of former US president Franklin D Roosevelt.

Also beside the slabs of concrete was a woman’s leopard skin nightgown and other skimpy women’s clothes.


Grrr…rear.

In a Six Meat Exclusive (must credit Six Meat), we have obtained a candid moment of the former charismatic leader who sent thousands to their graves.

Al-Masturbator

If Zarqawi is able to take time away from his raisins and wrangle up a dial-up connection in Hell, I can’t help but think that he’ll be back in touch with his colleagues in no time. Manipulating the Old Media in ways he was never able to before -

Dear al-masri
Dear Hustler, I never thought it could happen to me….

6 Responses to “Dear Hustler, I Never Thought It Would Happen To Me…”

  1. LissaKay Says:

    Heh … I have a slightly different take on the lingerie deal … hit my page to see.

    I\’ll be hiding from AQ for the rest of my life. Oh well …

  2. Smantix Says:

    I kinda thought that too Lis. I linked to that Atlantic article and he sounds like the freaking Jim Jones of Islam. Per that piece, he couldn’t even write his own fatwas. Just another frustrated beat-off whose mother didn’t love him enough. Looking for that jailbait who’ll gaze into his eyes, rub his stumpy leg and tell him everything’s gonna be ok.

    Freak.

  3. Stop The ACLU Says:

    Sunday Funnies…

    image courtesty of Cox and Forkum
    Point Five previews Brokeback Al Zaraqawi
    America’s North Shore Journal gives us a glimpse of Zarqawi’s paradise
    Yippee Ki Yay has a humerous jab at at D.C.’s Fat Cat spending.
    Wuzzadem enters KOS …

  4. TC@LeatherPenguin Says:

    Put the Utne in the dead dog’s hand, and I may.. MAY, I say! send you a bucket of my home grown “your eyes go blind” magux micks!

    (and that ain’t misspellinck.)

  5. annika's journal Says:

    Code Red To The Zark Man’s Head!…

    Does it even need to be said that if this questionable rumor is true, I hope our boys took a few extra hard swings just for me? Update: AQ feelin the heat just a little? Via Preston, whom all the……

  6. Unpartisan.com Political News and Blog Aggregator Says:

    Bush Trumpets Iraq Terror Leader’s Death…

    President Bush was celebrating “a good week for the cause of freedom,” with the killing of terrorist…