It’s Time To Take A StandJune 14th, 2006 at 9:09 pm by Cranky
A great American philosopher once said, “Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.”*
We’re gonna TAKE THE COUNTRY BACK! But we need your help!
Join the Insufferable Prick Party as we offer Americans a true alternative to government that serves its own interest.
Here is your chance! Help us define a platform, develop slogans and send Washington a message this November.
Please submit your ideas in the comments section.
Samples: “Tired of your representation? This year, you can stick a prick in there.” -Doug
A billboard ad. From Kevin
Thanks to Andrew Kaduk for the logo.
Thanks to Vinnie for leading by example.
Note to Little Miss Attila and Linda: Yes, you girls can be Insufferable Pricks too. You don’t have to be a pre-op tranny, post-op tranny, hermy or generic transgender to join the party. Chicks can be Pricks too (since it’s really metaphorical and all…).
(Feel free to help us develop our platform)
What makes you think we care where you stuff your man-yams? With the $700 million we won’t earmark to move railroad tracks, you will be able to buy a locking door. Go nuts.
There is nothing more sanctimonious or arrogant than a polar ice cap. We say bring back aerosol spray cans and freon so we can show the planet who’s boss.
Teachers must be capable of passing the same exams as the students.
We’ll leave behind “No Child Left Behind”.
Vouchers aplenty… and they can be used to escape inner-city hellholes.
A length of rope with every Koran and prayer rug.
Don’t make me shoot you.
You wanna mow lawns for a living?
I did NOT say land mimes!
Chair, needle or noose – pick one.
Firing squads are very appealing, and cheap.
Enough windmills in Kennebunkport to make the Dutch blush.
Enough oil wells in ANWR to make the caribou mush.
More people died at Chappaquidick than Three Mile Island
War in Iraq
The Insufferable Pricks vow to end this PC war.
Our goal is to fight a real war.
Get the troops out of Iraq and Afganistan.
First Amendment Rights
This right must never be impinged upon, even in cases of flag desecration or “protesting” military funerals. In fact, we will extend the First Amendment to include administering a “beat down” on funeral protestors as a legitimate expression of free speech as well.
Insufferable Pricks: When all of the other pricks have gotten too soft for positions of power.
(Kevin has broken out his Jesse Jackson Rhyming Whiggity-Whack Box for the following):
*Welfare – Au Contraire!
*Taxed for dying – You must be lying!
*Judges can’t make laws – The Constitution contains no clause’
(plural, but it doesn’t rhyme well. This one should be primarily used at hippie drum circles because of the slant rhyme.)
*Close the borders – and break out the mortars, or We don’t want to whine – so line our borders with mines!
Insufferable Pricks: Pumping for oil in ANWR… and your mom.
The Insufferable Pricks- A Pig in every pot, and a Prick in every… District?
We have a hard-on for a common sense method of leading our country!
UPDATE: Join the Insufferable Pricks Party Blogroll!
* Parliament of Whores, P.J. O’Rourke