Insufferable Prick: The Merchandise
June 17th, 2006 at 1:45 pm by annikaWithout asking permission, I have unilaterally appointed myself “Director of Marketing and Outreach, Designate” for the Insufferable Pricks Party!
As DMO-D, it is my duty to promote the Party, it’s goals, agenda and candidates through a creative marketing plan that seeks to reach out (that’s the “outreach” part) to potential voters and contributors in the Party’s target demographic.
And so, as you can see, I have come up with the perfect product proposal for the Insufferable Prick Party’s first merchandise item: Insufferable Prick Party Condoms!
When used within the confines of a committed relationship such as traditional marriage, Insufferable Prick Party Condoms can be an effective way to avoid unwanted pregnancy, and several sexually transmitted diseases.*
Insufferable Prick Party Condoms are made from only the finest latex** and are specially shaped to fit right-leaning ding-a-lings. Yes, that means they’ll even fit tricky dicks!
They also come in a number of different varieties to enhance her experience, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. However, you won’t find any French ticklers here. Rather, we have renamed our most popular specialty condom, the Freedom Tickler!
Insufferable Prick Party Condoms are fantastic! But don’t take my word for it. Here are some product endorsements from actual IPPC users:
“My boyfriend loved Insufferable Prick Party Condoms so much, I bought a box for my husband!”
–a satisfied user“Insufferable Prick Party Condoms are so durable, you can use them to make sandbags next time a hurricane hits.”
–Michael Brown“They make me feel sexy . . . democracy whiskey sexy!
–a prominent blogger“I used one of your condoms the other night. Afterwards, she said I was ‘insufferable.’ Is that good or bad?”
–a less prominent blogger
So when you’re sticking it to the two-party system, be safe. Always use Insufferable Prick Party brand condoms!
_______________
* They’re great for gay guys too!
** Each Insufferable Prick Party Condom is fully tested on animals before it leaves our factory, so you know it’s safe.
June 17th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
OH MY GOSH! Annika’s first post…coffee out my nose and all over my keyboard…
Her posts should come with a warning from now on…”reading this may cause irreparable damage to your laptop…”
June 17th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
“My boyfriend loved Insufferable Prick Party Condoms so much, I bought a box for my husband!”
Oh the humanity!
June 17th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Insufferable Prick Party Condoms…
What’s this all about? Check Preston’s blog for details…….
June 17th, 2006 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for explaing the outreach thingy. Can we get these subsidized by welfare? INcluded in school lunches? Modeled by Chris Mathews?
ewwwwwww Ok that was over the line
June 17th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Modeled by Chris Matthews?! That’s just wrong!
Are they available in a “Magnum” design for an Insufferable Prick like me that’s well endowed?!
June 17th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Of course. They come in all sizes, from Magnum all the way down to Democrat-sized.
June 17th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FABULOUS!!! Ooof, I wish Blogger supported trackbacks, I’d totally belly up to the buffet on this one…
June 18th, 2006 at 3:01 am
I love Jane, just love her to pieces. It’s no wonder the Yemeni Islamofascistpricktocracy trembles before her.
June 18th, 2006 at 3:03 am
Ultra thin XXL condoms? Strawcocks, I call those.
June 18th, 2006 at 4:44 am
Yiddish,
You’re oversized and (probably) Jewish?
Take two insufferable condoms and call me in the morning.
June 19th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
I just get back into town and annika has laid down this instant classic for an inaugural post. Hilarity.
June 19th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
That was hilarious!