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moon phases


Friday, July 7, 2006


 

Lesser Known North Korean Missiles

By now, everyone who follows the news vigilantly (like your average Six Meat Buffet consumer) is familiar with the Taepodong-2 missile. That’s the big ICBM that the North Koreans shot off a few days ago, which supposedly can reach the western United States.

You are no doubt also aware that the three stage missile failed about 40 seconds after launch. Taepodong is Korean for “big cannon,” but perhaps they should have named it “big lemon.”

Now I know a lot of you are nervous about the whole Korean missile threat. But don’t worry. I happen to know a lot about missiles. You may wonder how come I am such an expert, but really it’s not rocket science. With a little research, you too can be an expert.

Take for instance the various prototype missiles in the Taepodong series. I looked these bad boys up and I found out that they were all failures, just like the new Taepodong-2. It seems the North Koreans just don’t make very good missiles. If you’ve ever driven a Hyundai, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you.

For your edification, here are four North Korean missile prototypes that for one reason or another sucked.

failed missiles

1. Taep-Udon - This missile failed repeatedly due to the difficulty in keeping the slippery noodle warhead from sloshing out of the missile during flight. It also required the use of chopsticks for maximum effect.

2. Taepo-Dung - Simply stated, this missile was a piece of crap.

3. Taepo-Bong - Whenever Korean scientists lit this missile up, they seemed to lose all interest in further testing. The rocket never got off the ground, although the scientists reportedly hit the stratosphere.

4. Taep-Odom - Designers promised that this missile could hit an 18 inch circular target from short range or from beyond the arc. Although capable of going coast to coast at great speed, the weapon had one strange quirk: when launched out of Los Angeles, it landed back in Los Angeles.

So you see, there’s no reason to worry about the North Korean missile threat. I hear that their next rocket will have a creamy filling and be covered with chocolate. It will be called the Taepo-Ding-Dong.

Posted by annika @ 2:48 am
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:: Trackbacks/Pingbacks ::

  1. Bush seeks united stand against N. Korea

    The White House said Thursday that any attempt by North Korea to gain concessions following its miss…

    Trackback by Unpartisan.com Political News and Blog Aggregator — Friday, July 7, 2006 6:48 am | permalink


  2. [...] Six Meat Buffet looks at more DPKR missles. [...]

    Pingback by basil's blog » Blog Archive » Picnic 2006-07-07 — Friday, July 7, 2006 7:02 am | permalink


:: Comments ::

  1. Awesome! :mrgreen:

    comment by Gordon — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 10:15 am


  2. Have I mentioned how glad I am that you’re here? Well I am.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 10:31 am


  3. Preston,

    You forgot the Taepolongdukdong…

    The “Donger needs food” to operate…it’s especially effective falling out of a tree

    comment by Billy — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 2:41 pm


  4. After the failure of the missile tests, the following conversation was heard by a Fly On The Wall somewhere near Pyongyang….

    comment by Macker — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 8:28 pm


  5. Billy, I wish I could take credit for this excellent post, but it was the lovely Annika. You’ll have to tell her.

    comment by Preston Taylor Holmes — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 9:52 pm


  6. Sorry Annika…I should have known a post about rockets only lasting 40 seconds (and being critical about it) would have come from you…

    Brilliant post…

    comment by Billy — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 10:29 pm


  7. Youre obviously referring to the Taepo-schlong rocket.:wink:

    comment by annika — Friday, July 7, 2006 @ 11:23 pm


  8. Billy, how could you confuse the issue?

    Preston is the 10 second NoDong.

    comment by Vinnie — Saturday, July 8, 2006 @ 1:25 am


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