Step into the world of a cold-blooded moron for hire, poppin’ collars and evading coppers. Weaving in and out of traffic in a reckless game of asshat assassin:

Maurice Clarett, already facing a trial Monday for robbery, is back in the Franklin County jail today under a $1.1 million bail after being arrested overnight for carrying a concealed weapon after a highway chase.

Assistant Franklin County Prosecutor Tim Mitchell requested a higher bail in court today, saying Clarett was found on Brice Road about a block away from where one of the robbery victims lives.

Mitchell said Clarett was found with four loaded weapons and wearing body armor. After being chased by police, his SUV struck a cruiser, and officers had to use Mace to subdue him. A stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

A half-bottle of vodka was found in the car.

Let’s not jump to conclusions, Detective. We wouldn’t want to speculate where the other half of the bottle of vodka was. Not to worry sports fans, Clarett’s new legitimate employ with the appropriately named Mahoning Valley Hitmen of the Eastern Indoor Felon League will not be hampered, so sayeth his Parole Officer the team’s head coach:

The arrest will not affect Clarett’s status with the team, Terry said.

“We gave him a chance and now we’ll wait to see what happens,” he said. “I’ve seen far worse situations than this.”

Ahhh…indoor football. For the discerning convict who is uncomfortable running through the sweet Fall air without being in leg shackles and a pumpkin suit. But to say that you’ve seen worse…did Terry used to coach the Rapid City Rapists or Boston Stranglers?

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