How Does She Do It?
August 21st, 2006 at 8:10 pm by CrankyOprah, that is. As our ancient predecessors looked to Mount Olympus for guidance from the gods, so too has our culture found its guiding light.
But unlike Aphrodite and Diana, our modern goddess really has the merchandising down tight.
Witness the ultimate tribute to mighty Narcissus:
This, my friends, is the ultimate DVD collection of Oprah episodes – the Magna Carta of televised pop spirituality and entertainment.
Because there is no “I” in “Oprah” but there dang well ought to be.
Perhaps the most magnificent tribute to mighty Oprah’s super well-grounded sense of self-esteem is this:
Peasants may view from behind the barricades, please.
Yes, dear mortal, this is a video of Oprah’s 50th Birthday Party. And you can pay to watch it.
Yes, you can pay to see Oprah doing it up with famous celebrity best friends at a feast prepared by some of Stardom’s greatest chefs.
Perhaps the real deity belongs to Oprah’s promoters who apparently can sell anything to the faithful.
Like the Shroud of Turin!
August 21st, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Need I point out that you apparently have a copy of this DVD, of which you took many photos to display here? Shameful. And don’t pretend like it’s someone else’s or that someone let you borrow it or that you found it or that Oprah herself gave it to you or aliens dropped it on your lawn or some B.S. We all know better.
August 21st, 2006 at 8:53 pm
If I told you that the wife and here sisters brought it down to the shore for their weepy girl-bonding experience, would you believe me?
If not, would you accept that me and the boys turned it into a drinking game? Every affirmation is one shot, every tear-inducing story of triumph over disease/handicap/racism is the whole freakin’ bottle.
No? OK, I’m a bitch.
August 21st, 2006 at 9:18 pm
What’s up with the DVD of Stevie Wonder blowing out a candle? Isn’t that like Beethoven turning down a stereo?
August 21st, 2006 at 11:49 pm
She just happens to have found a niche market–also known as “the 50% of U.S. residents with vaginas.”
It’s the female equivalent of Bill France or Vince McMahon, really. Why own a single team or franchise when you can own the entire league and be worth a bazillion dollars? Brilliant marketing, really, and I don’t begrudge her for it. Hell, I’m jealous.
August 22nd, 2006 at 5:59 am
But don’t you see? This marketing isn’t for profit or anything as tawdry as that for that offends the Oprah. Just look at the cover. It’s for “the Benefit of Oprah’s Angels”, the charitable foundation to help blah blah blah… Granted, “blah” wasn’t the exact term used in the mission statement, but I took some artistic license in interpreting it. Anyway, it’s all for the kids.
How dare you impugn the intentions of those honoring us with this sure-to-be bestselling masterpiece. What? Don’t you like children?
Besides, who doesn’t like a gilded turd every once in a while? They break the monotony.
August 22nd, 2006 at 10:44 am
hey my mom has that cd and she loves it!
It’s all about the O
August 22nd, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Oh *GAG*!! I can’t stand Oprah.
August 22nd, 2006 at 1:30 pm
[...] FOR OPRAH’S VERSION 6MB IS HERE. [...]