Toad Blogging
August 28th, 2006 at 12:01 pm by CrankyIn my day to day life I am often asked, “Cranky, what should I do if I’m attacked by a toad?”
Very patiently I explain that they should not feel humiliated as this happens more often than the MSM would let on. Then I’ll take about 20 minutes to explain the important and potentially life-saving actions one must take to survive a full-on toad attack.
Reproduced for your convenience is the Toad Attack Survival Guide.
Toads are known for the ability to put animals larger than themselves into their mouths. If attacked, you shouldn’t panic, but you ought to – they’re vicious.
Toads will go for the throat in an effort to bring down a large animal. You must allow them to “size you up” as you remain motionless. Eventually even the greediest toad will realize that you’re too big to eat.
Nothing will cause to toad to lose interest in you faster than when it thinks you are dead. Toads eat only live prey.
Other helpful tips to prevent toad attacks:
- Do not have any insects anywhere in your home. Toads are attracted to crickets, moths and other small insects.
- Do not have any standing water within 100 yards of your home. Toads, like frogs will lay their eggs in just about any body of water. In a few short weeks, you will be dealing with hundreds if not a thousand young killers.
- Do not, under any circumstances loan any money to toads. This will only encourage their behavior and bring them back your way soon.
More Toad Blogging:
Sean Gleeson finds another vicious toad.
Toad Blogging gallery.
August 28th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
My, my, looks like someone has too much time on his hands. Perhaps he’s enjoying his job too much! Wink-wink.
August 28th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
OMG!!! Count Toadula! Toothpicks make dandy little wooden stakes. The horror of it all.
August 28th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
I showed this to my son in the hopes that it may save his life one day.
August 28th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
We believe that by submitting passively to Toad attacks, you are merely encouraging future generations of Toads. We’ve also noticed in previous Toad posts, photographs of a “toad” pond on your property.
Now, by your own admission this “training camp” has been a “blessing” to your frog and toad “friends”.
We are watching you……
August 28th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
Uh…was googling Toad and found this….
Mating usually commences at nighttime with males grasping the females just in front of the hind limbs, a position known as lumbar amplexus. To aid their grip, males are equipped with rough, horny nuptial pads on the inner thumbs although unresponsive females are inevitably able to squirm their way out. Such is the frenzy that males will often work themselves into, they will accidentally grasp on to anything that looks remotely worth mating with …..
….sooo, when was this pic taken?
http://www.amphibian.co.uk/bombina.html
August 28th, 2006 at 11:31 pm
Eeewwww. It looks all WARTY, and you let it walk, er, hop on you! Ewwww!
August 28th, 2006 at 11:34 pm
Words to the wise, indeed.
Neck warts are a small price to pay for the survival of humanity.:eek:
August 29th, 2006 at 7:22 am
….sooo, when was this pic taken?
Well, I don’t see a cigarette, so I assume this is before.
Beth, I do it for the children. The U.S. Citizen gets it.
August 29th, 2006 at 10:51 am
Cranky,
I was once a victim of a gang of serial toad killers, called the Killer Kermits.
Let me just say, you have given out some very valuable advice here. Had I had this information when I was attacked, I just might have survived with my neck and the backs of my legs intact.
Now, I have to live with the painful warts and wet, slick spots where they had their way with me. No amount of Jerkins lotion will make my skin human again.
And let it be known, these killers are still out there! Don’t be a victim like I was!
August 29th, 2006 at 10:56 am
You’re really playing with fire here, Cranky. One of these days, we’ll see this gutsy instructor or an amateur/showoff on Faces of Death – When Amphibians Attack. You know, some faint at the sight of saliva or mucous?