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Archive for September, 2006

Who Says Un P.C. Humor is Dead?

September 30th, 2006 at 11:10 am by Cranky

Just came across this gem. Good Stuff.

I hadn’t been watching MadTV after the first season. It seemed that they rapidly went downhill after that.

When MadTV started, I was thrilled that my childhood Mad Magazine was coming back. They had some real talent in the first season. David Herman (Michael Bolton of Office Space), Orlando Jones and Nicole Sullivan were part of the cast.

Their high quality movie spoofs were outrageously funny too. See if Gump Fiction doesn’t have you laughing out loud.

Who Is “Xxxxxxx”?

September 29th, 2006 at 9:26 pm by Cranky

Because our loyal fans demand it – Our obligatory Foley post.


Rep. Foley is a scumbag. No ifs, ands or buts about it. But why does ABC protect the identity of his chat buddy?


Where My Reparations Is At?

September 28th, 2006 at 10:50 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

A lesson in slavery and reparations over at Darleen’s Place. She deserves a piece of the pie as well, ye class-warriors and poverty pimps.

Or does her skin color not fit your agenda?


Excellent comment from Michele.

And I’ve always loved the quote from Muhammed Ali when he got back from his fight in Africa: “I’m sure glad my grandaddy got on that boat.” Well maybe it wasn’t his choice, but generations after have had choices and freedoms almost unheard of in history. Sounds like they already have their reparations to me. It’s the freedom they squander every day.

Finally, A Contest That Interests Me

September 28th, 2006 at 1:32 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s the Hottest Mom in America contest.

Hottest Mom In America™ – Motherhood Is Redefined – The search for women who define modern day motherhood; they are beautiful, smart, talented moms who also happen to be HOT!

With auditions in Dallas & Miami just completed, it’s time for the Hottest Mom In America™ to find the Hottest Mom in Chicago! 8 AM this Saturday at the Drake Hotel in Chicago is where the team will hand-select the next group of contestants for the Hottest Mom in America™

“We’re looking for Moms that turn heads wherever they go – the supermarket, the football stands, or Kindergarten. Our Casting Directors are looking for the Hottest Moms in Chicago, with style, confidence, and sexuality beyond the carpool!”

If I didn’t think it was beneath her, I’d enter Mrs. Holmes because she’s smokin’. Oh well… she’s too busy anyway.

Of course there is a photo gallery. Looks like this is where I’ll be spending my web browsing time for a while. See you later, blogosphere!

Maybe Europeans Need A Little Sharia

September 28th, 2006 at 12:51 pm by Cranky

Yeesh! Safe for work but not advisable right after lunch.

If this is indeed the logical progression for “anything goes” liberalism, then I guess there is something to be said for slippery slope arguments.

Isn’t there any middle ground with these people? Is it either this or rigid Islamic law?

An American Tragedy

September 27th, 2006 at 9:02 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

I bought this guitar for Preston Jr. six months before he was born. It took him nearly four and a half years to destroy it.

And here I was, hoping beyond all hope, that he would become the next Tracy Chapman, allowing me to live my failed dreams vicariously through him.

It was not meant to be.

Spawn Theory

September 27th, 2006 at 11:14 am by Smantix

From Mike Lester with Cagle Cartoons:

Stand Back

T.O. = O.D.?

September 27th, 2006 at 10:28 am by Smantix

The sports world was rocked this morning as news of the bashful and introverted alleged Wide Receiver Terrell Owens was rushed to hospital after what authorities are calling “a suicide attempt”:

The friend, who is not identified in the report, “noticed that (his) prescription pain medication was empty and observed (Owens) putting two pills in his mouth,” the police report said.

The friend attempted to pry them out with her fingers, then was told by Owens that before this incident he’d taken only five of the 40 pain pills in the bottle he’d emptied. Owens was asked by rescue workers “if he was attempting to harm himself, at which time (he) stated, `Yes.’”

“Friend” = Random Skank #2 with an itchy 9-1-1 finger

What some kids will go through to get out of their contracts. I usually give The Tuna the benefit of the doubt when landing a carp like Owens but given the way T.O. ripped off San Fran and Philly this looks like a PR attempt for the most overrated receiver of the decade to make another couple of million without having to do his job.

5 pills does not a suicide attempt make T.O. Especially for someone so void of any traces of self-loathing. Some of us call that “any other night”. For your $25 Million (boohoo) contract, we’d be inclined to say every night.

Try running across the middle once in a while and I’ll start re-evaluating whether you have a death wish or not, Princess.

Compare-n-Contrast UPDATE:

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. – Two miners whose jobs included watching for safety hazards inside the Sago Mine before the deadly explosion last January committed suicide in the past month.

Neither man had been blamed for the disaster that killed 12 of their comrades, and neither one’s family has definitively linked the suicides to the accident. But those who knew the men say there is little doubt the tragedy haunted them.

Not unlike the tragedy of being benched while collecting a fat bankroll.

RANDOM SKANK SNITCH UPDATE: Random Skank #2 has now been identified as his publicist.

Wow. Talk about getting your client good press. All this morning, co-workers of the female persuasion have been down on me because I don’t understand all of society’s pressures that are placed on poor T.O., that he was abused as a child (?), and that chirren from all over the world look up to him. For reasons other than his height. And I should not judge him until I’ve swam a lap in his Olympic size pool.

As Deion Sanders reports (didn’t see that coming didja?) – that Owens claims “man, that didn’t happen”. There’s going to be a press conference if anybody feels the urge to feed The Ego That Ate San Francisco.

“You Don’t Want To Go Here”

September 26th, 2006 at 10:19 pm by annika

I really think too much ink has been wasted on this whole Clinton vs. Wallace brouhaha. However, it’s instructive to remember the last time Bill Clinton wagged his finger in the face of a respected journalist. It was November 18, 2004, and the interviewer was the late Peter Jennings. Only that time, Jennings escaped being called a monkey by Keith Olbermann.

It’s evident that Clinton still carries a humongous chip on his shoulder, as this video illustrates so well. It’s therefore not surprising that he’d lay into Chris Wallace as he did. What is surprising, to me at least, is that anybody even cares what Bill Clinton says — about anything.

h/t Hot Air

We Are The World

September 26th, 2006 at 12:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes


Welcome To The Club, Bluehairs

September 25th, 2006 at 10:02 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It appears that the AARP – of all groups! – have joined my Stop the Vote! campaign.

They’ve done so by creating a site called I saw an ad for this earlier this evening and couldn’t believe my freakin’ eyes. I assumed it was some gimmick aimed at reminding seniors to get out and vote for anyone with a “D” by their name, because the other guys are going to take away your social security and make you eat dog food.

But, no. It’s a site that actually recommends that you “Don’t vote unless you know where the candidates stand on the issues.” Will wonders never cease?! Good for you, bluehairs. Finally, some common sense from your demographic.

We Declare Jihad on High Prices!

September 25th, 2006 at 12:51 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

This is really good stuff.

CINCINNATI – A car commercial proclaiming a jihad on the U.S. auto market and offering “Fatwa Fridays” with free swords for the kids is offensive and should not be aired, Muslim leaders said on Sunday.

The radio advertisement for the Dennis Mitsubishi car dealership in Columbus, Ohio, has “a whole jihad theme,” said Adnan Mirza, director of the Columbus office of the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

“They are planning on launching a jihad on the automotive market and their representatives would be wearing burqas … ,” Mirza said. “They mentioned the pope in there and also about giving rubber swords out to the kiddies — really just reprehensible-type comments.”

If a dealership did that around here, I’d make damn sure that I bought my next car from them. Hell, I may even make the short drive up to Cincy and buy a Mitsubishi when my ’72 pinto finally gives up the ghost. Fatwa Fridays! Indeed!

He also said the Council on American-Islamic Relations would likely contact the dealer to “offer some kind of cultural or sensitivity awareness training.”

Gee, thanks CAIR. If anyone knows about issuing Fatwas and waging Jihad, it’s you pussies. Why don’t you send yourselves to western civilization sensitivity training? Maybe that will help you dislodge your heads from your collective rectum, you hypersensitive pansies.

h/t Canuck

9-11 Memorial Accused of Having “Hidden Agenda”

September 24th, 2006 at 1:16 pm by Cranky

Would you entrust your nation’s security to people who feel that the United States brought 9-11 on itself? What if an opportunity to remember the those murdered in a terrorist attack was used to present alternative viewpoints which often decry American aggression and global malfeasance?

You might get this.


I wonder why elected Democrats feel this way about our country?

Given their drothers, we might be facing worse. Something like this:




Ace has much more.

UPDATE: The story is gaining traction. Hot Air has video from Fox News.

In other news, Eric Foner has volunteered to move the monument to Columbia University. (OK, I made that up).

UPDATE II: The Professor X to my Wolverine, Sean Gleeson brings on more AZ Memorial Moonbattery.

More pix here: Macker’s Moonbat memorial!

Mutiny On The High Sí (Or Why Republicans Deserve To Lose)

September 24th, 2006 at 8:13 am by Smantix

The Anti-Wall Street Journal injects another performance enhancing anabolic editorial into its thigh in their Olympic quest for the record distance in borderjumping with an increasingly tepid (and self-defeating) racebait against those of us who support a physical barrier between us and the barrio:

But on Sept. 14 House Republicans passed a bill to construct a 700-mile, double-layered fence along the Mexican border while also approving a study on building a similar wall-like structure along the Canadian border. Price tag for the Mexican portion: $7 billion.

$7 Billion? That’s almost real money. Seeing as how illegals soak up an estimated $22 Billion or more in services every year, this one time cost would pay for itself...if it stops just one illegal.

Where else is this logic sound? The Drug War for one. Federal, local, and state officials spend upwards of $72 Billion a year to fight this unwinnable “war” but the Journal doesn’t deem that 10 times as expensive annual extravagance at the expense of our civil liberties as being worthy to rail against on their opinion page.

We are paying the government 10 times more a year to tap our phones, monitor our e-mails, confiscate our money and property (without a trial), no-knock raids on your neighbors, and building more prisons to criminalize millions of our own citizens and our Border Benedict Arnolds have the nerve to complain about $7 Billion to keep out illegals.

A “drug problem” that would not even be possible were it not for the same market forces that magnetically draw our Mexican interlopers to El Norte. You want to fight the drug war, well, illegal aliens are the footsoldiers buzzing in their own Berlin Airlift of coke, pills, and pot.


Toad Blogging

September 23rd, 2006 at 9:40 pm by Cranky

Sometimes manning the Buffet is a thankless job. Then something like this happens. This Thursday, I’m working the mail room – sorting out Smantix’s penile enlargement meds, Preston’s Florida real estate seminar tapes, etc. when this package arrived.

There was no return address, so if I had any common sense, I would have called the FBI or flushed the package. However, it was addressed to Toad Blogging c/o Cranky.

What could I do? Like a child on Christmas morning, I ripped the package open and found the above snapshot and this movie (warning, slow load times – hardcore Toad Blogging fans only, please).

Thanks again to Doug.

Intergalactic Space Homies From Planet Parliament Call Brother Farrakhan Home

September 23rd, 2006 at 2:30 am by Smantix
For Allah so Loved the World, that He Gave It His Only Begotten Funk

Nation of Islam cult-leader and murderer of Malcolm X, Louis Farrakhan, has unknowingly allowed the Jews to spread the cancer, previously confined to his diseased mind, to his prostate and the eerily hasidic-looking Grim Reaper is waiting to collect on his soul like an invoice from an attorney – 120 days past due:

The Grim Kvetcher

In an open letter to members, the 73-year-old said he was suffering pain like that he had felt in 1998 when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

He requested that his followers carry on with his movement after his death.

He supports African-Americans having their own nation and is regarded as one of the most controversial and charismatic African-Americans alive.

He has also been accused (emphasis: mine) of being an anti-Semite.

He revealed his health problems in a letter on Friday to Nation of Islam members in its newspaper, the Final Call, in which he compared his health problems to those of Fidel Castro.

A multi-millionaire that’s sequestered away from the flocks he’s fleeced for decades like a wretched dog curled up in a corner? Refusing to let a camera get a peak at the horrors God has cursed upon his mortal frame for the plague of his existence?

Yep, sounds like Castro.

Do the world a favor, Calypso – abandon Mothership Earth for that great Anal Probe In the Sky that you claimed gave you the cosmic high colonic back in the ’90s.

As Salaam Alakium
What up, homes? We’ve been bangin’ some Matisyahu in the G-Ride on the way over here. Hope you don’t mind.

International House O’ Flapjacks

September 23rd, 2006 at 12:30 am by Smantix

Uh…yea. I’ll have an order of the runny eggs hanging on a rusty nail.


Umm..with a side of flapjacks.

(Wonderbra snap to that sissy Drudge)

I still look young for my age though my bacon strip is a little worse for the wear.

Words Fail Me

September 22nd, 2006 at 4:13 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Baby dies after falling in a bucket of mom’s puke.

A baby died after rolling off a bed and falling into a bucket of her teenage mother’s vomit at a homeless shelter, police said.

The mother, Savarin DeJesus, 18, was charged with criminally negligent homicide and endangering the welfare of a child, and could get five years behind bars.

The young woman trembled and wept as she faced a judge Friday. “I loved my baby. I want you to know that,” she said.

Authorities said DeJesus spent the evening of Sept. 15 downing gin and smoking cigarettes and then returned before dawn to the shelter where she lived with the 4-month old girl, Niah. DeJesus threw up into a bucket of cleaning solution next to her bed, then passed out on the bed, clutching Niah’s legs, authorities said.

When she awoke about 10 hours later, she found the baby with her head in the bucket, which contained about six inches of liquid, according to court papers.

The cause of death was either asphyxiation or drowning, the medical examiner’s office said.

DeJesus “loved her baby and would never hurt her,” said her lawyer, Kenneth Gilbert.

She loved her baby enough to kill her. Now, that’s love with a capital-L. They should find a big bucket, fill it with puke and dispose of the mother in the same fashion. This would undoubtedly be a great loss to society, given the mother’s current and future societal contributions, but I think we would find a way to move on.

Football Friday

September 22nd, 2006 at 11:02 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

We’ve come upon yet another Football Friday. Last week’s hangover is over and it’s time to strap it on (no, not that, Feisty) and toss the pigskin around again. And you know how we like pigskin. And pork rinds. And what-not.

Anyway, my friend Chris sent me this column on men shaking pom-poms at football games and it really got me a-thinkin’. Especially since I’ve been known to hoist a shaker or two in celebration of a touchdown/sack/interception/beating in my day. Really, how gay is it to shake a pom-pom, and is it really unique to SEC men?


Painting With A More Narrow Brush

September 22nd, 2006 at 8:58 am by Cranky

Islamic terrorism needs to be smashed unmercifully. I don’t think there is a 6MB reader that disagrees with that. Screaming guy (here) is the perfect embodiment of all that is wrong with Islam.

That said, we must acknowledge that there are many Muslims here in the United States who have nothing to do with the madness which seems to be engulfing the Middle East.

Here is a great case in point:

Hoping to foster goodwill, a group of Tampa Bay Muslims is launching a nationwide effort to raise money to repair Christian churches in the Middle East that were damaged by Muslims after a controversial speech by Pope Benedict XVI.

Local Muslims, led by the Central Florida Chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, or CAIR, plan to announce their campaign this afternoon at the headquarters of the Roman Catholic Diocese of St. Petersburg.

We have family friends who moved here from Egypt. They both have earned PhDs in the sciences and live in a McMansion. Our children are very close.

They are my reminder in my most furious moments that even though I support the war on Islamic terror, I cannot paint the entire faith with the same brush.

Oops, I left something out. What would a Cranky post be without a requisite slam against Loonie Lefties?

Unquestioning support of the “brown people” by our immature friends on the Left does no service to moderate Muslims.

Many Muslims do not speak against the violence because they fear falling victim to it themselves. I wonder if on a campus somewhere, a Muslim is not speaking up against violence because a white “Support the Insurgency” idiot is showing is solidarity with the terrorists.

Things I Hate About Corporate Life (1 of 1)

September 22nd, 2006 at 8:31 am by Cranky

You know that drinking fountain in the hallway between the men’s and women’s bathrooms?

I hate when I’m drinking from it and I hear a toilet flush and then the water pressure in the fountain drops.

I hate that.

Stop The Vote!

September 21st, 2006 at 1:20 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Earlier this week, I heard something on the way to work that sent me into my usual morning rage. I was listening to Hal Hill’s show on WNOX (because I was feeling particularly milquetoast that morning…) and they announced that they were giving away $1,000 to some randomly chosen voter.

That’s right, $1,000 cash will be handed out to some lucky voter, plucked at random from the voter lists after the election. Have we truly fallen this far? It certainly seems we have.

I’m sure there were thousands of mental deficients listening to the show thinking to themselves, well isn’t that nice. What a nice idea to get people out to vote… All it did for me was make me want to run down pedestrians at random in a blind rage with my ’72 Pinto.

It’s bad enough that the Donks bus irresponsible voters to the polls from the caverns in which they lurk, but to encourage the lottery classes to go vote because they might win some money is nothing short of criminal.

There are countries where simply going to the polls will get you killed. But the fat-assed Oprah-watching cretins in the USA need some type of handout or bus ride to exercise the cornerstone of their evaporating freedom.

Not only is providing financial incentive to voters shameful, we should go completely in the other direction. We need to develop some type of baseline certification exam for voters. Nothing too complicated – just a short questionnaire on U.S. Government, History and Current Events. Something so easy that even Sean Penn would have a reasonable shot at passing.

Voting is a responsibility that should be taken seriously. If you’re calling in to vote for American Idol, there should be some mechanism in place to stop you from voting in elections that actually count. Low turnout numbers are a good thing. The lower the turnout, odds are, the smaller the percentage of irresponsible voters.

Really, lottery classes, do the rest of us a favor and stay the hell home. We don’t want your uninformed asses at the polls – STAY HOME.

Also see Stop The Vote 2004 Election Edition


Swap Blog reports that the $1,000 idea has been canned. Good.

How To Stop A Raging Mob

September 20th, 2006 at 8:24 pm by Cranky




Murray Head Finally Speaks Out On Thai Coup

September 20th, 2006 at 1:44 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Thai enthusiast Murray Head is reported to be distraught over yesterday’s Thai coup, where chess pieces were strewn all about Bangkok with little regard for the rules of the game. In response to the fairly peaceful military takeover, Head was quoted as stating that he “gets his kicks above the waistline, Sunshine.”

For the record, this is not the first Murray Head reference at the Buffet.

WTW: A Tale of Two Killers

September 20th, 2006 at 10:01 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s been a while since we’ve had a WTW post, but this week’s news cycle is just full of white trash everywhere you look. Today’s episode will be a veritable celebration of human debris – not the funny kind, but the scum-of-the-earth-should-already-be-dead kind.

First, let’s take a look at multiple-child-killer Daryl Keith Holton. A sympathetic hero of the Tennessee leftosphere, Holton had a “special” day with his kids (and his stepdaughter) in 1997, which resulted in his incarceration.

In a twisted attempt to resolve a child custody fight, on November 30, 1997, Daryl Keith Holton shot his three children and his ex-wife’s 4-year-old daughter and surrendered to police. After the killing Holton — who lived in Shelbyville, Tennessee — went to the police station and confessed. He said he killed the kids because he was afraid he would never gain custody of his three sons. He also told police he had made some bombs that were in his apartment. Investigators don’t know why he made the bombs.

“It all just built up and he snapped,” his cousin Keisha Leverette said. “He’s always been a very quiet man, moody. But there was never any indication of this. He was very concerned about his children.” The children — Stephen, 13, Brent, 10, and Eric, 7, and Kayla, 4 — were shot to death with a Russian SKS semiautomatic assault rifle, police said. Kayla was not Holton’s daughter, but he considered her his child, Leverette said.

The children thought they were going Christmas shopping when Holton picked them up on Nov. 30, 1997. Instead, they stopped by the auto body repair shop where he worked. There, 4-year-old Kayla, ex-wife Crystle Holton’s daughter by another man, wrote a letter asking Santa Claus to bring her a “Tickle Me Elmo” doll for Christmas. Then, police said, Holton line the kids up and shot them from the back. Not satisfied with the carnage, Holton went looking for his former wife and her boyfriend but could not find them, police said, then turned himself in.

I’m sure the kids’ ghosts are tickled-me-Elmo pink at the stay of execution he’s received from the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals. The pro-criminal justice system has no time to consider Stephen, Brent, Eric and Kayla’s side of the story. They’re too busy legislating their own nauseating political agenda from the bench, taking away Holton’s right to choose the electric chair as his method of discharge. Because… wait for it… he’s… mentally ill! This handy label instantly absolves criminals of any responsibility for their actions. What a great racket the pro-criminal lobby has put together over the last several decades.

Crystle, the ex-wife, allowed the children to visit Daryl so they could go Christmas shopping. Although he visited the kids regulary, she had kept the children away from him for 2 1/2 months, after filing a protective order because “he beat the crap out of me.” She said he loved the children, especially Kayla, even though he wasn’t the girl’s biological father. “All I could be thinking about is what could possibly be going through their minds, the expressions on their face, when they realized what he was going to do,” she said tearfully.

On June 16, 1999 the infanticidal dad was sentenced to death for killing the four children. Holton refused to let anyone defend him.

If they don’t get to fire up Ol’ Sparky and send this piece of shit to hell where he belongs, let’s hope he’s allowed to spend some time with the general population at Riverbend, where he may be fortunate enough to get the Jeffrey Dahmer treatment. After a long period of repeated prison rape, of course.

Speaking of the right to choose, it’s 2005′s Reproductive Rights Superstar of the Year runner-up, Carissa Marie Roraus. Carissa, who explained it all by wrapping her newborn in swaddling plastic and dumping her in an I-75 rest-stop trash can, has also gotten a slap from the silk glove of the pro-criminal American justice system. Because… wait for it… she’s mentally ill!

JACKSBORO, Tenn. – An Indianapolis woman who wrapped her newborn daughter in plastic and left her in a trash can where she suffocated won’t be tried for murder because a judge has ruled she was legally insane.

Carissa M. Roraus, 22, of Indianapolis faced charges of first-degree murder and felony murder after the infant was found in the women’s restroom of the Tennessee Welcome Center off Interstate 75 just south of the Kentucky border in July 2005.

Campbell County Criminal Judge Shayne Sexton said Monday that prosecutors agree Roraus is not guilty by reason of insanity.

Authorities alleged Roraus gave birth in the rest stop bathroom and then, after disposing of the baby, left with her boyfriend and others.

Roraus’ boyfriend apparently was unaware of what occurred. No one else was charged.

The baby was found by an employee at the welcome center. She weighed about 6 pounds, was wrapped in plastic and couldn’t be revived by emergency crews.

Roraus, for exercising her blessed right-to-choose and self-administering a late-term abortion, has been labeled insane by the criminal “justice” system. Isn’t this an affront to progressive women everywhere? Isn’t the right-to-choose the holy sacrament that defines just how truly sane and heroic a modern woman truly is?

At least Knoxville’s single males have a hot new target to shoot at, since Carissa will be spending time at our own Lakeshore Mental Heath Institute, not far from the heart of Bearden.

Under state law, Roraus must undergo an evaluation at Lakeshore to determine what will next happen to her. If Lakeshore officials find that she is a danger to herself or others, they could recommend that she be committed to a state mental health facility.

That would seem unlikely given Hatmaker’s statement that she is mentally competent to stand trial, although Lakeshore may recommend further outpatient treatment.

Sexton is allowing Roraus, who has been free on bond and living with her parents in Indiana, to return to her home until Oct. 16, when the judge ordered her to report for her evaluation at Lakeshore.

Guys, if you want an easy mark with no consequences, get ready. Carissa’s comin’ to town and you won’t have to worry about paternity tests nine months down the road. I would recommend Michael’s or the Electric Cowboy – I’m sure she’ll make herself available once they decide she should be set free, which shouldn’t take long.

Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

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