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Preston Taylor Holmes
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Archive for October, 2006



Happy Halloween

October 31st, 2006 at 7:55 pm by Cranky
deadvoter.jpg

Now this is the stuff that gives me nightmares.

(sirloin tip Florida Cracker)

Little Donkeys Are Lining Up Behind This?

October 30th, 2006 at 9:13 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

After decades of attacking the so-called religious right, the Dim-O-Cracks are hopping aboard the “we love the Lord more than you love the Lord” mantra? Oh, well. Anything to win, I suppose.

My friend Lincoln Davis who chairs our campaign says there are, there’s one big difference between us and misfortunate Republicans when it comes to our faith: he said that Republicans fear the Lord; he said Democrats fear AND love the Lord.

It’s so nice to see the Donks hop on the God Squad. It would be even nicer if it was some type of sincere demonstration of faith instead of the usual Clintonesque say-whatever-we-think-will-get-us-elected political jockeying. The next time I hear some dimwitted Tennessee leftist complain about Bushitler’s Theocratic Monarchy, I am going to be forced to remind them that Harold Gotti Jr. says they better FEAR and LOVE the Lord, or they’ll be lookin’ down the barrel of Uncle John’s shotgun before they can say hallelujah.

(Via Insty)

Before The “Peace Mom”

October 29th, 2006 at 10:35 pm by Cranky

There was Michael Berg. Berg, as you may recall had a real cool son named Nick who was murdered in Iraq. Nick Berg was a telecommunications expert and an entrepeneur who went there to help rebuild the infrastructure. While there, he was abducted and murdered by Iraqi terrorists.

I knew nothing about Nick except that he apparently was nothing like his insane father Michael – one of those souls so committed to “peace” and “social justice” that he subscribes to Communism.

After his son’s murder, he penned this lunacy for the Guardian. Note how the terrorists are actually better than George Bush because they had a chance to look into his eyes before cutting his son’s head off.

People ask me why I focus on putting the blame for my son’s tragic and atrocious end on the Bush administration. They ask: “Don’t you blame the five men who killed him?” I have answered that I blame them no more or less than the Bush administration, but I am wrong: I am sure, knowing my son, that somewhere during their association with him these men became aware of what an extraordinary man my son was. I take comfort that when they did the awful thing they did, they weren’t quite as in to it as they might have been. I am sure that they came to admire him.

I am sure that the one who wielded the knife felt Nick’s breath on his hand and knew that he had a real human being there. I am sure that the others looked into my son’s eyes and got at least a glimmer of what the rest of the world sees. And I am sure that these murderers, for just a brief moment, did not like what they were doing.

George Bush never looked into my son’s eyes. George Bush doesn’t know my son, and he is the worse for it.

So why am I rehashing this old news? Well, it appears that it’s relevant again.

bergforcongress.jpg

If the Democratic party doesn’t offer enough high grade batsh*t crazy, you can vote the Green Party candidate, Michael Berg.

If you’re wondering how the campaign is going, here is a typical scene of Green conduct.

At a recent political debate at Brandywine High School, Michael Berg tried to speak.

Berg, the father of Nicholas Berg (have we already forgotten who he was?), went to the stage and asked out loud where his seat was.

The forum moderator ignored his question and continued to call the debate to order.

Mr. Berg repeated his question and the forum moderator told him that he and other third-party candidates for office were not invited to attend the forum.

A rumbling began from all corners of the auditorium. Shocked at the disrespect this candidate was receiving, I raised my voice and said, “Michael, just grab a chair!” And that is what he did.

Michael Berg, after putting a bumper sticker across his mouth, was escorted from the forum by a New Castle County police officer. When the moderator stated that if the audience members could not show the other candidates the respect deserved, that they too could leave.

Trifecta of ‘tardation

October 29th, 2006 at 2:12 pm by Cranky

Hmmmm. Let’s see, I’m a lawyer, I drive a car that screams “pretentious a$$wipe” and I’m French. I wonder if there is anything else I could do to really drive the point home…

fronch.jpg

Until Toad Blogging Returns

October 28th, 2006 at 4:21 pm by Cranky

I’ve put on the Pith helmet and taken to photographing wildlife a little higher up the food chain. Check out my submission to Animal Planet.

I think I could take over for Steve Irwin.

It’s Jihad, Charlie Brown

October 28th, 2006 at 2:07 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

(Via the Jawa)

Funniest, most offensive thing I’ve seen in a long time (especially since I’ve always been a big Peanuts fan). Reminds me of this oldie, but goodie.

The Untriumphant Return of Football Friday

October 27th, 2006 at 1:33 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

It’s been a crazy few weeks. Ever since MKH lost her bet (for which she has yet to pay up… wink wink…), it seems like I’ve been on the road and more out-of-touch than usual. But, weep no more, Football Friday freaks, the picks you use to bet against are back.

This week, we’ll make it quick and get straight to it. First, my beloved Large Orange, who are, inexplicably, 6-1 at this stage in the season, will hammer the South Carolina Gamecocks, 39-17.

Why the confidence, which flies in the face of any Fulmer team taking on Steve Superior? Simple, we’re on the road. We don’t play worth a crap at home, which is why we lost to Florida and why we’ll probably lose to LSU. We play well when we don’t have to deal with our own weak home field, with its octogenarian-filled stadium, which has become about as intimidating as Carson-Newman Stadium in Jefferson City.

We play well on the road because at most other SEC stadiums, there are fans who actually make noise and get involved in the game – at Tennessee, the fans are too busy changing their depends or talking on their cell phones to be bothered with the game.

Elsewhere in the NCAA….

  • Florida 44, Georgia 14Georgia is horrible. Sorry, MKH.
  • Nebraska 34, Okie St 21Vinnie’s boys will bring the hammer down.
  • Georgia Tech 30, Miami State Correctional Facility 12Miami’s only hope in this one is that another bench-clearing brawl will end the game early.
  • Kentucky 1, Mississippi St. 0Only a Randy Sanders-guided offense could figure out a way to only score one point against the hapless Bulldawgs.

In the big leagues, the Mighty Titans continue their winning streak. I was proud of them for knocking off the Redskins, I just haven’t had time to call them and tell them. This week, the winning streak continues against the Texas Texans, Titans win 22-19. Elsewhere…

  • Steelers 31 Oakland 17The Raiders are just what the doctor ordered for the ailing Steelers. Last week’s Pitt/Atl game was one of the best games I’ve seen in years. It was also one of the only games I’ve actually been able to sit down and watch in years.
  • Colts 29 Broncos 17Peyton just has the Broncos’ number.
  • Vikings 33 Patsies 27I don’t think the Pats will be able to knock off the Vikings in the dome, but it should be a good game. I’m glad it’s a night game so I can watch it.
  • Carolina 26 Dallas 20Just who the hell is Tony Romo? And as long as Jerry Jones’ personnel decisions result in Terrell Owens being a loser, I’m all for ‘em.

That’s it for this week. I’m seriously considering live-blogging the South Carolina game Saturday night since I’ll be home watching it anyway, so stand by for announcements regarding this potentially exciting non-event!

Cosmic Injustice

October 27th, 2006 at 1:30 pm by Cranky

Ever come across a blog posting that speaks for you so perfectly you wonder if there is a tiny microphone in your filling?

No? Yah, me neither. But the Hatemongers get awfully close.

Fat guys with perfect heads of hair are a complete waste of genetic material.

Four Firefighters Killed By Arsonist, California Officials Pledge “Justice”

October 27th, 2006 at 8:33 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Four firefighters were killed yesterday fighting a California wildfire that was allegedly set by arsonist(s).

CABAZON, Calif. — Four firefighters were killed yesterday when a fast-moving arson fire fed by Santa Ana winds charged through the rugged, wild terrain of Riverside County, destroying homes and forcing hundreds of residents to flee.

The Esperanza fire burned more than 10,000 acres near Cabazon, 90 miles east of Los Angeles and about 20 miles northwest of Palm Springs.

Fueled by dry wood, high temperatures, and winds gusting to more than 30 miles per hour, the blaze burned out of control despite the efforts of more than 700 firefighters . The fire was reported about 1:10 a.m.

“This is an arson fire . . . A deliberately set arson fire that leads to the death of anyone constitutes murder,” Chief John Hawkins told reporters. Hawkins is head of the Riverside County Fire Department, which is part of the state’s fire agency.

The county will offer a $100,000 reward to find the arsonist, officials said.

The fire continues to burn out of control this morning.

Regarding the arsonist(s), California officials are stating that this is now a murder investigation. And, as is the case with murderers in California, the murderer(s) in question will receive the harshest punishment possible under California law – nine months in prison and one year probation, followed by a 12:00 curfew and no television for six weeks.

Walk, Don’t Run

October 26th, 2006 at 10:16 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Or is it the other way around?

Anyhoo, Mrs. Holmes and I are running in the Komen Race for the Cure on Saturday morning at the crack of dawn in the damn rain. But, it’s for a good cause, so I’m not weaseling out, I promise….

I was supposed to spend most of October training for the race, but instead of training, I wound up eating a lot of fatty foods and drinking a lot of vodka. It will undoubtedly take several hours to reach the finish line.

If you’d like to donate to Knoxville’s chapter and support the fight against breast cancer, you can do it here. I’d post a link to our “official” donation page, but that would blow this whole Preston Taylor Holmes thing, now wouldn’t it. You can also find your local race and donate locally here.

For those of you real life people who have donated and helped us pass our goal, thanks!

UPDATE:

Race update… The rain held off. There were a ton of people down there and (despite my cantankerous demeanor) it was a fun event. Once we got out of the massive pack of people at the starting line, the Mrs. and I actually ran the whole thing, which is why I’m in such discomfort right now.

Let’s just say that when you find yourself jogging past cancer survivors, people wearing signs that said In Memory Of So-and-So and a guy with an artificial leg, you’re humbled pretty quick. In addition to the exercise, it was a good reminder of what’s important in life.

Whenever they get the photo gallery up, I’ll post a link, provided I’m not in any of the pictures, of course.

Deliciously Funny

October 26th, 2006 at 7:00 pm by annika

Islamic Rage Boy covers Chicago . . . right before your very eyes.

hat tip to Beth!

Stem Cell PSA

October 25th, 2006 at 9:19 pm by Cranky

And, our very first YouTube!!

Meet Peter Pumpkin

October 25th, 2006 at 3:11 pm by Cranky

A b*tchy pumpkin? Oh yes.

80′s Nostalgia / Max Headroom Bleg

October 25th, 2006 at 11:47 am by Cranky

Some of us at the Buffet have had a grand old time trading 80 music trivia and memories. So without further ado, Eighties Icon, Max Headroom.

Now for the bleg part. Does anyone have an avi or wmv of Max? It need only be a couple of seconds. I have something nasty in mind.

Thanks.

Toad Blogging?

October 24th, 2006 at 7:22 pm by Cranky
toad_catbat_newt.jpg
Ribbit, ribbit. Hey I’m a toad. What the f&*# you lookin’ at? You think I’m a newt? Say dat to my face.

Image courtesy of CatBat who couldn’t bear the thought of no Toad Blogging. A shout out to annika too. Skul, where ya at?

I Mean, Really… Come On….

October 24th, 2006 at 6:04 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

So, Mr. Harold “Lookie At Me, I Go To Church” Ford Jr. went to a Playboy party? So did he or didn’t he?

In Ford’s own words, he told interviewer George Stephanopoulos a couple of Sundays ago, “I’ve never been to a Playboy mansion party.”

In a September interview on WVLZ-AM in East Tennessee, Ford was asked by a listener about the party and he said, “Yeah, when I was at the Super Bowl one year, I believe I was at a party that, that Hugh Hefner or somebody from Playboy may have been at. … I was at a party where I learned later … that Hugh Hefner may have been there.” A transcript of the interview on The Voice radio show was released by the Tennessee Republican Party.

If this is Corker’s ace in the hole, the GOP is in trouble. Even if he did attend a party where sweet-assed bunnies were hopping about.

The first Republican commercial to mention the party began airing Oct. 3 by the National Republican Senatorial Committee. It played off a Ford campaign commercial, filmed in Ford’s Memphis church, by saying, “So what kind of man parties with Playboy playmates in lingerie, then films commercials from a church pew?”

The latest commercial to feature the Playboy party began running last Friday by the Republican National Committee. This ad takes shots at some of Ford’s most liberal votes in Congress and includes a woman, presumably an actress, saying, “I met Harold at the Playboy party.”

Hell, knowing that Ford may have attended a Playboy party and that “he likes football and he likes girls” makes me like him a little bit more. Still not enough to vote for him, but at least we share the same affection for football and girls. In the unlikely event that Ford is elected, we’ll know that we have at least one heterosexual in the Senate. Oh well, I’ll probably still vote for Corker when I early vote on Friday.

Video at (where else?) Hot Air.

UPDATE:

Kelvin Moxley provides this link to the original Ford Jr. interview. If you’re in the Knoxville area, you should tune into Lloyd & Kelvin on 1180 am when you can (I believe they’re on in the mornings before Basilio’s show). I’ve tuned in many times and it’s good stuff.

Family Guy Flashback (Fall Edition)

October 23rd, 2006 at 9:28 pm by Smantix

I couldn’t help but think that this afternoon would have been a resplendent opportunity for The Golden Autumn Day Strangler.

GoldenAutumn

So much so that I had to call up a professor at a local university to ask what word would best describe it.

Thanks, Professor.

Didja Get The Memo? We ARE Going To Stage A Coup!

October 23rd, 2006 at 11:52 am by Cranky

You think the last six years of the Bush Regime was great? Well, hang on to your jack boots, cause the next thirty will be awesome!

Yep, we’re here to stay. Except for the last bastions of democracy in Hollywood, Manhattan and Berkeley, we are gonna take the country for keeps.

Just ask Norman Lear’s wife:

All week I’ve been reading in disparate sources from Drudge to US News and World Report about Bush, Rove and Cheney being overly confident about the midterm elections. Even Republican strategists are increasingly concerned because the White House doesn’t have a plan if they lose. This lack of planning shouldn’t surprise anyone, but if you really think about it a creepy, crawly feeling grows in your gut.

Here are some questions: Are these guys simply narcissistic idiots Rove-ing around in some never-never land bubble or do they know something we don’t? Have they planned a grab bag nose punch of an October/November surprise? Or have Diebold, ES&S, and local state secretaries assured them that they will do “whatever it takes” to get a Republican Congress elected again?

Well? What about that, eh? The Democrats can only lose by Rethug malfeasance. Just like 2000.

Damn, as a Neocon, sometimes I scare myself.

So what is their next move? You guess it. Take to the streets!

Therefore we should all be on alert. If for whatever reason we don’t win back Congress in November the only real answer will be to take to the streets.

Kids, they’re not screwing around. We’re talking open revolt.

We must keep them down. When you see Boobs, Not Bombs on your lilly-white suburban street, please, shoot first, throw up later.

Talal Is Sagging in The Polls

October 23rd, 2006 at 10:04 am by Cranky

… and can use your support.

As the election draws near, Talal Arimah has been dragged into the ugly political mudslinging.

Help this upright candidate fight back against the political smear machine and stand tall.

(Yes, I feel like a 14 yr. old with all the d*ck jokes. But you know what? It’s not something we guys ever mature out of. We just stop telling them when you’re around.)

Toad Blogging

October 22nd, 2006 at 9:05 pm by Cranky

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Toad Blogging has been suspended until further notice.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

-The Management

Toad Blogging Archives.

Convalescing in Chitown

October 22nd, 2006 at 4:03 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Still all up in the big city – Mrs. Holmes has headed back down south to continue rearing the kids. It was an excellent weekend away and much needed break for us, but it’s back to harsh reality now.

(more…)

The Podunk People’s Daily Heralds Peaceful ChiComs

October 22nd, 2006 at 12:08 pm by Smantix

Our Daily Disgrace of a statewide newspaper making treasonous and amoral editorials is par for the course. And ordinarily, I let a majority of their garbage slide since no one reads it anyway. But today they’re praising the ChiComs for having “cooler heads” in dealing with the NorK problem and and I just can’t take it:

Cooler heads take lead on North Korea
China plays a key role in dispute, and the United States must be flexible

A glimmer of optimism has shown through in the nuclear crisis with North Korea.

China signaled on Friday that it is willing to do more to impose sanctions on its belligerent neighbor if North Korea, the United States and South Korea will demonstrate “coolheadedness” and “adhere to peaceful dialogue.”
[...]
China’s velvet-gloved approach of voting to impose U.N. sanctions, while insisting the U.S.-backed sanctions be watered down, appears to have made the difference in Kim’s stance.

In a meeting with a visiting Chinese envoy on Friday, Kim also raised the possibility the country would return to arms talks if Washington agrees to drop financial sanctions.

Ah, yes. The famous Chinese Velvet Glove treatment.

First off, let’s concede that China and Russia tacitly approve of transferring nuclear and missile technology to the NorKs. Having the NorK’s head screwball threatening everyone is a nice distraction from their innumerable human rights abuses.

But “cooler heads”?

Kim Jong-Il just let off a nuclear bomb. What you’re saying is the equivalent of handing over your purse to a man who puts a gun in your face in hopes that he won’t come back next week demanding more. The only difference is the man putting the gun in your face in this scenario has an ocean between us and instead of a gun he’s working on nuclear tipped ICBMs.

These overtures should prove a critical test for Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and the White House — now is not the time to play hardball.

I’m dying to hear when exactly is the right time to play hardball. After Kim Jong-Il attacks South Korea? Japan? Los Angeles?

Maybe if he launched an ICBM into the Kyoto Forest that would send The Tennessean off the rails.

Another thing for Washington to think about: If sanctions fail because they are not enforced, the only alternatives left may be the bilateral talks it has stubbornly avoided, or military action. Americans fed up with a war in Iraq are unlikely to support the latter.

Yeehaw! An endorsement for unilateral cowboy diplomacy.

Lucky for us the ChiComs who forces abortions, attack and kidnap US soldiers, are threatening to invade Taiwan, have no free press or free speech, counterfeit our money, widespread religious persecution and murder, blocking any sanctions against Iran, North Korea, and the Sudan, harvesting human organs from their political dissidents, and shooting pilgrims are the “cooler heads”?

I am unconvinced, despite their best efforts, that China will be able to hammer and sickle any of their good table manners into Rice’s thick American skull after only spending a few days in such a heady, tolerant, and compromising climate.

If she orders US troops to open fire in the lobby of 1100 Broadway, I’ll know the re-education took. If she slaps the Koran out of the first Muslims hands she sees at the airport, I will recognize the headway the ChiComs made. And if she gives a loaded pistol to a 5 year-old who’s stomping his foot because his Mommy won’t enter multi-lateral talks with his friends to take him to the movies, consider me swayed.

A guy can dream can’t he?

In the future, stick to promoting illegal immigration, undermining support for Iraq, promoting socialized healthcare, rooting for a Big Brother society under constant surveillance, and asking if Kim Jong-Il has an e-mail address. Because when it comes to dealing with a despotic cult leader with a nuclear arsenal, your entire staff is too dangerously inept to be allowed to attempt to influence the opinions of anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on.

UPDATE: Last week I mentioned that the Tennessean had already endorsed Harold Ford, Jr. for Senate. I omitted that they also only endorsed Democrats for every office available. I apologize for that oversight.

UPDATE 2:
They still have not written about Prince Harold’s ill-fated bum rush of Corker’s campaign stop that made national headlines.

UPDATE 3: As Iran is watching everything going on with the NorKs, today they are saying:

“Iran’s position is that you cannot use the policy of ‘carrot and stick’ at the same time because it is an incompetent policy and it will result in failure.”

The AP goes on to note: “France, Britain and Germany are drafting a Security Council resolution on sanctions and have been discussing it with the United States, which wants tougher measures. Russia and China, which can veto a resolution, are wary of imposing penalties.”

BOLD PREDICTION - The Tennessean will endorse a bold new “candy and roses” policy towards Iran that’s sure to win over the Islamic hardliners. Preferably delivered at a Ramadan celebration in the Oval Office as the President bows to Mecca.

Yo! Bum Rush The Press Conference

October 21st, 2006 at 1:22 pm by Smantix
YoBumRushThaPressConference
My MSPaint Weighs A Ton

Not since KRS-One bum rushed PM Dawn on stage has a mic-jack backfired so badly.

Your local Know-It-All mentioned it last week and it seems my Karnac turban was securely fastened. Though Drudge is running the video and the usual blogotards are cheering Harold Ford’s staged crashing of a Corker campaign stop, our statewide paper (that endorsed Ford last week) has yet to even deem the story worthy of a thimble full of ink.

After all, isn’t it easier to ignore this story outright and continue demanding that the Corker people magically pull an ad that’s being run by a PAC?

I was going to sit this one out. Me, of all people.

I wanted Ed Bryant to beat Corker in the primary and feel that the underhanded candidate Van Hilleary was running at the request of Corker to split the conservative vote. I still feel that way.

But thanks to the Reverend Harold Gotti, Jr., I’ll be spending this sunny Saturday afternoon to go early vote for his opponent.

Some have said “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. I prefer to say that the loser doesn’t fall from from the bastard.

I can choose to hold my nose for 5 minutes and pull the lever for Corker or be forced to hold my nose for six years while the stench of the Ford Crime Family’s corruption makes it’s way through the Senate.

Those of us who don’t live in Memphis have never been able to register a vote against the kleptocratic thugocracy that has reigned in the Mud City for the last 40 years. For me, that changed today.

Thank you Harold Gotti! Link to the video.

Fried Friday

October 20th, 2006 at 8:54 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Here’s a quick roundup of linkage before I get on a winged girder-bird this afternoon departing for the Windy City.

T-Man takes CNN to the woodshed for showing a video of a sniper killing a U.S. soldier in broad daylight. CNN has been in the camp of the enemy since the very beginning. This is simply the latest, and most offensive, example of their hatred for America.

Two vlogs that will keep you warm at night: Mary Katherine Ham and Annika (via Beth).

John Hawkins has an interview with Bob Corker. Still don’t know if I’m going to hold my nose and vote. I’ll keep you posted, because I know you just can’t bear the suspense.

Apparently Rush “Country Club Republican” Limbaugh has been bumbling about the blogosphere as of late. Since I haven’t tuned into Rush in the last few years, I have no idea what was said, other than that he just doesn’t get it. No big surprise there. Ali Bubba has more: ¡Reynoldistas unidos!

There’s plenty more out there – just hit the Six Meat blogrolls for the best stuff. I leave you with this warning – I will be out of town for the next 5 days or so – blogging will either be lighter or heavier. That much I can promise to you, dear reader.

In the meantime, go send the pint-sized, needle-dicked North Korean tyrant a sympathy card.

Why American Kids Need To Be Taking Computer Science.

October 19th, 2006 at 10:56 am by Cranky

Over the last three years, I have found myself increasingly in the racial minority within the IT world. As long as I’ve been in technology the programming department has always been a diverse pool of geeks from every creed, race and color. But lately, it has been difficult to find a co-worker who will join me for a burger.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy and appreciate the diversity. But sometimes I look enviously down the hall at the marketing department where all the white kids went because frankly, there is a ton of eye candy there.

No, my real gripe with the demographically rich IT groups is that, no matter how bright they are (and they are), Internationals just don’t get it.

As evidence, I offer these two unaltered screenshots of code produced by people whose first language isn’t English.

geek1.JPG
I’m sure it was

geek2.JPG
Yes, choose your Langauge from the handy Drop Down List

I think I’ll start a scrapbook, it might make a good book someday.

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