Famous Foleys Throughout History
October 5th, 2006 at 1:24 am by annikaAs a former history student, I thought it might be interesting to review some of the famous Foleys of history, some of whom you’ve probably heard of and some perhaps less familiar.
Foley Scrotumacles, Greek philosopher (465-492 B.C.)
A contemporary of Socrates, this lesser known Greek philosopher was most famous for his 13 volume history of the ancient Olympians. Here’s an excerpt (it’s a rough translation, my Greek’s a little rusty):
“The victorious wrestler Apollonios strode mightily from the ring, his scrotal sac dangling like two great kalamatas weeping brine. He acts much older than his age. And he’s in really great shape. What’s school like for you this year?”
I’m not quite sure about the last sentence, like I said my translation skills ain’t that good.
Wu-Ju Chokhme Mongke-Foley, barbarian invader (c. 1000-1079 A.D.)
Mongke-Foley is often overlooked by students of the Barbarian Invasions, but he was as fierce as they come. Yet he also had a softer side. He often took time out from pillaging to write messages to an unknown sweetheart back home. Some of these scrolls have survived in fragments, as shown in this example.
“… I want see you … we drink in my tent … won’t get busted … we eat … drink mead … who knows … hang out … late into night … swing my war axe … cute butt bouncing in air … ok i go burn and kill now … did you know you would have this effect on me …”
The Comte François de Foley, French aristocrat and essayist (1699-1782 A.D.)
The Comte de Foley was most renowned for his lifestyle of dissipation and scandalous excess. He published a treatise on masturbation that was one of the most widely read books of the French Renaissance. Late in life he was arrested for pickpocketing (his own pocket), but escaped being thrown into the Bastille when he announced that he was gay, a drunk, and a hopeless coward, which only increased his cultural hero status among the French populace.
Axel Foley, fictional police detective (c. 1984)
Famous for sticking his banana where it don’t belong, Axel Foley once contracted the previously unknown STD called herpes simplex ten. He was also really fond of Rosewood.
Mark Foley, future Oprah guest, (b. 1954)
Mark Foley is a former Republican Congressman from Florida. He is best known for single-handedly (unless you count the hand he kept on the keyboard) delivered the U.S. House of Representatives into the clutches of the Democratic Party.
October 5th, 2006 at 1:46 am
“The victorious wrestler Apollonios strode mightily from the ring, his scrotal sac dangling like two great kalamatas weeping brine.”
OMG…Annika, you are paying for my carpet cleaning after I sprayed soda all over the place after reading that.
Good thing I read it tonight instead of waiting until morning. Coffee stains are a bitch.
That’s it! Offically 2nd Tier Status!
October 5th, 2006 at 7:10 am
There’s no feeling like waking up to an instant classic.
October 5th, 2006 at 7:25 am
Now, THAT, is funny.
What’s school like for you this year…
:grin:
This is even funnier than Dixie Thoughts.
October 5th, 2006 at 7:34 am
Am I crazy or is that a picture of Chris Tucker and not Eddie Murphy under Axel Foley?
October 5th, 2006 at 8:01 am
That’s easy – you’re crazy.
And on a related note, the Hawk/Animal action figure isn’t actually Wu-Ju Chokhme Mongke-Foley.
Annika, you could have included Mick “Cactus Jack” Foley to keep with a wrestling theme. Just sayin’.
October 5th, 2006 at 9:00 am
Axel Foley also was known for busting the super villain “She-Boy” on Sunset Strip.
October 5th, 2006 at 9:05 am
[stands on chair clapping]
October 5th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Cranky – I just got the King Missile CD – thanks!
October 5th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
Wait ’till the kids are asleep, pour a beer, put yourself in an adolescent state of mind and enjoy.
I apologize in advance for some “rough edges” in their lyrics.
October 5th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
Where is Mick Foley aka Cactus Jack aka Mankind?
October 5th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Best Job in Town………Listening to the Congress Page Tip Line…
WHOOT!
HEH…………..
Apparently It is now out of order, or overloaded with calls. Stik just gets a dial tone.
I can imagine the Congressional rear ends puckering in dread of what kind of info will be coming in.
Actually, if you wan…
October 5th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
Ali BenDover, formerly of the Taliban, would like to speak with you Mr. Foley. Well, maybe “speak” isn’t exactly what he has in mind.
I understand Jihadists have a cure for homosexuality. And, it ain’t Jesus. BenDover!
October 5th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
What about that former Senator from Washington, Tom Foley?!
October 5th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Oh! And, it’s the same cure for nasty pederasty!
October 5th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
a) I can’t believe I get home and there aren’t 10 trackbacks to this post.
b) Drudge is screaming at the top of his page that this was all a prank and the Donks are wanting to block having the ex-head of the FBI from looking into it.
Hrm…do you get to a “do-over” or will an “I’m sorry” cut it once you’ve started calling your opponents child sex predators as the Reverend Harold Gotti, Jr. has started to do?
October 5th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
My aunt’s last name is Foley…want me to send you a picture for this post?
October 5th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
Annika, you really should pimp this one out. I would have, but I haven’t had damn time.