“I Am A Douchetool” by Nikki Giovanni
October 15th, 2006 at 2:49 pm by SmantixThis is why we can never have anything nice. At the reopening of the Fountain Square in Cincinnati this weekend, aging Poet Laureate/Poet Leftard and Knoxville native Nikki Giovanni had to Amiri Baraka herself out of only being recognized by militant feminist English professors:
If Ken Blackwell becomes Ohio’s governor, don’t look for Nikki Giovanni to be appointed the state’s poet laureate.
Giovanni shocked the crowd Saturday as she read her dedicatory poem on Fountain Square by referring to Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell, the Republican gubernatorial candidate, as a “son of a bitch” and a “political whore.”
For a small waft of why Giovanni is so qualified and classless, let’s look at her prose:
I am Cincinnati
I ran from the whips and the dogs
Across the frozen pond
I made my home in the West End
When the Civil War came I dug the trenches
(ed. note – she did look old but honestly I had no idea she was that old)
Showing the South
Free men live here
Who are unwilling to yield
I kept the city safe
I am the Seven Hills
I am the neighborhoods
Community centers
Shopping malls
Churches
Libraries
I am the Bengals
The Reds
And much like the old joke – she’s the best professional Poet Laureate in Cincinnati. But no, she doesn’t stop there:
I am the best 3-way chili in the world
I am Montgomery ribs
. . .
I am Spring Grove Cemetery
My dead rest in beauty and peace
. . .I have watched policemen
Shoot young black men in the back
. . .I am not a son of a bitch like Kenny Blackwell
…
I will not use the color of my skin to cover the hatred in my heart
I am not a political whore jumping from bed to bed to see who will stroke my knee
After all, why pay for something she gives away like tickets to the Shriner’s circus.
…
I slaughter hogs and make soap
I am the biggest Oktoberfest outside Munich, Germany
Though I have been boycottedI am not shirking my responsibilities to the next generation
I am finding a way to be great again
I am the lady in the fountain
Let my waters cleanse and refresh you
(ed note: Thus, I am a douchetool)
Let my waters heal
I’m pretty sure she left out “The blacker the berry the sweeter the douche” in there somewhere.
For someone so high on Cincinnati then why are you a professor at Virginia Tech?
October 15th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
Smantix, I’ve been fooled before with fake poems on 6MB, so please tell me that this is satire, and not a real poem.
Politics aside, to quote Zoolander, she took a dump, wrapped it in tin foil, put some fishhooks in it, and called it jewelry. (Or in this case, poetry.)
Damn, back in college, the average sophomore taking entry-level creative writing class because it’s “fun” and an “easy A” wrote equivalent if not better stuff.
So not only does her politics suck, her poetry, on a purely aesthetic scale, is even worse.
October 15th, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Unhinged in Ohio…
If I were a Tenured Professor of Poesy, I could perhaps write a long disquisition on the difference between poetry and propaganda. As it is, I have to fall back on the old “I know it when I see it”……
October 15th, 2006 at 4:47 pm
One of the things that gets me is, like commencement speakers, people like her totally spoil what should be a uniting event with her septic politics.
I’m sure there were probably little kids in the audience while Lady Smith Black Mambozo starts calling another black public official curse words because he doesn’t believe in wealth redistribution.
I’m never a “for the children” argument making person but damn. Save it for the kids who are old enough and whose parents are paying you to infect their minds.
October 15th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
I’m not sure I’d wanna be the Bengals today considering they lost to previously winless Tampa Bay.
I used to write a lot of poetry back in my junior high days, hoping to become the next voice of a generation a la Dylan. 99.9% of it was pure crap. At least 55% of it was better than N.G.’s poem, if that really is her poem and not some Onion parody.
But, I do have to say that Cincinnati chili is pretty damn good, so, I guess being 3-way kinda balances out being the Bengals.
October 15th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
Is this “three-way chili” something dirty as well?
THINK OF THE CHILDREN, YOU FILTHY BUCKEYE PERVERTS.
October 15th, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Surely this is an indictment of our public education system, as well as our civic organizations. Why would this person be employed by a university, and why would she be invited to speak at a dedication ceremony? Somebody needs to be fired.
October 15th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
When I read that one, I was sure the next line would be:
“I am a polish bicycle ride.”
October 15th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
It’s so cool that Afros are back in style.
I am El Paso
I ran from the fence and the Border Patrol
Across the muddy river
I made my home in the Barrio Segundo
When the migra came I dug tunnels
Showing the Southwest
Free and legal men live here
Who are unwilling to yield to immigration laws
I kept the coyotes safe from arrest
I am the Central District
I am the safehouse hotels
Taxi companies that transport illegals
Wal-Mart that is cheaper than the one in Juarez
Churches whose “migrants welcome” banners have blown
down and not been fixed
Detention centers
I am the Diablos
The DEA
October 15th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
That’s not bad Tiki. And now I’ve got a hankering for chili verde.
October 16th, 2006 at 7:02 am
Once Again, I’m Teetering On The Brink Of Expulsion From Conservatism…
My man Smantix has some thoughts over at Six Meat Buffet. Now, normally I tend to agree with the underlying premise of Smantix, Preston, et. al even if I’m not down with their delivery. Today, though, we have to disagree…….
October 17th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Is it my imagination, or does Nikki Giovanni look and sound just like Steve Urkel?