There was some debate here at the Buffet whether we should rise to the bait put out by Sadly No.

Strangely enough, we never actually received an email with this challenge.

Truth is, we’re not participating in this year’s Weblog Awards, hence we have no real motivation to descend to the gutter. Besides, there were too many cheesewipes wandering in from Jesus General (no link) last year. It just wasn’t worth it.

However, the challenge was out there. Smantix and I put down our cognac snifters and Cohibas and collectively decided to engage in this Photoshop competition. Also, Letterman was a re-run.

For our worthy opponents at Sadly, No we offer Silent Scope – that fun sniper video game which inspired Deb Frisch to go after Jeff Goldstein’s kid.

The arcade version of Silent Scope is enjoying a resurgence in popularity ever since Anderson Cooper used it to take potshots at our troops in Iraq.

Out of quarters? Don’t despair! You can relive the 60s and snipe at our troops from your parent’s basements with the PS2 home edition. Comes with a cheat guide too!!

We haven’t had much fun with videos lately.

This one was pretty good. I think I bought the single the weekend it came out.

Do you kids like the Teutonic pop?

How about 99 Luftballons?

Der Kommissar?

That beloved talking paperclip is back and he needs some multicultural sensitivity training.

Then I realized that when a Federal Judge speaks, get ready for comedy!

I mean, really. Give me a fucking break. Somebody add this asshat to the list of judges to impeach in 2007.

The other night, Preston Jr. was very concerned and kept getting up after being put to bed. This is unusual. He’s usually out like a light soon after prayers.

He came downstairs and with great despair, said that his piggy bank was gone. Where was he going to put his quarters (for gumballs) with his piggy bank gone? Due to the fact that we’re in the process of moving to a new house, nearly everything had been packed up, including the piggy banks.

Being the incompetent parent that I am, naturally, I assume that what he’s really upset about is the transition into a new house from the only house he’s ever known. Seemed like a logical conclusion to me. It’s not really about the piggy bank – the piggy bank merely represents his anxiety about moving to a new house and a new neighborhood. The piggy bank is just a metaphor for his pending upheaval.

He later woke us up around 1:30 am, still worried about his piggy bank. I tried to reassure him by letting him know that he’d have his piggy bank at his new house.

Demonstrating far more parental competence and understanding of child psychology, Mrs. Holmes got up, unpacked the piggy bank, put it back in his room (precisely where he demanded) and off he went to sleep. When I brought it up later, she emphasized, “he really wanted his piggy bank.”

Sometimes a piggy bank is just a piggy bank.

10 dead in group home fire in Missouri.

Janet Reno’s whereabouts are still unknown as of press time. If anyone sees the former pyromaniac Attorney General, please contact local authorities.

If you’re a major metro newspaper in a rapidly growing city with a skyrocketing violent crime rate, would you:

a) Dedicate more staff to covering the Police Beat.

b) Run more in-depth thought pieces on the “root causes” of crime.

or,

c) Just cut back on covering crime all together.

No Time for Crime at 1100 Broadway
[...]
The Tennessean, Rex has learned, is preparing to cut back on its coverage of crime in the Music City, according to Tennessean newsroom sources.

Which, six months into the Police Department’s acknowledgement that Nashville has a serious gang problem, the announcement by a Mayoral candidate that he’s running to put more cops on the street, and an up-tick in Nashville’s ranking on the “most dangerous cities” in the country list only makes perfect sense if you speak Gannettese..
Nashville was named Friday as one of 18 cities and sprawling suburban regions picked by the federal government to be the subject of a national crime study on why homicides and other violent crimes are on the rise nationally.

The City Paper notes that a federal study indicating a national 2.2% overall violent crime rate rise since 2001, however, Nashville’s rate has gone well into the double digit under Chief Spanky’s Reign of Error.

Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

Didja hear the one about the shaheed grandma and her forty-one(!) ‘lil bombers?

If not, check out Mark Steyn’s take on it, then come back and witness the birth of a new Palestinian sitcom.

Nothing beats a good apples to eggplants comparison:

U.S. involved in Iraq longer than WWII

By TOM RAUM, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON – The war in Iraq has now lasted longer than the U.S. involvement in the war that President Bush’s father fought in, World War II. As of Sunday, the conflict in Iraq has raged for three years and just over eight

Only the Vietnam War (eight years, five months), the Revolutionary War (six years, nine months), and the Civil War (four years), have engaged America longer.

In related news, the insurgent AP’s Strawman Rebellion has lasted considerably longer than Nat Turner’s Rebellion.

And now you know.

For those of you who continue to deny the existence of left-leaning bias in the Old Media, MKH has a delightful case study which demonstrates this bias, and how subtle it can be.

She has several other good examples – read the whole thing.

There are a few things you can count on when the Donks are in control of the federal government. The economy will always be good – nay, great!, all military action initiated by Dim-O-Cracks will be justified, and you’re all about to get your asses taxed into oblivion to pay for LBJ’s great (welfare) society.

Not since the theft of the nunbun has religious persecution been so prevalent within the country confines of our Volunteer Auschwitz. The Excitably Passive-Aggressive Sully alerts us that the racist Senator-elect Bob Corker lynched the aging Madonna “Esther” Ciccone outside of her dressing room on Thanksgiving! Bloodying the varicose veins on her Holy Cankles by bringing down the full fascist force of the Tennessee Taliban upon her.

Does it pay you more to walk on water than to wear your crown of thorns?

For those who believe Bob Corker won because of racism, rest assured he won on religious fundamentalism. Proof in point: last night in Chattanooga, TN (Bob Corker’s hometown) NBC aired “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” instead of the Madonna concert. Our children and grandchildren learn to cut school, be cool, borrow Dad’s Ferrari and tell a few harmless lies. But by the Grace of God, our community protects impressionable youth from that sexual and religious deviant Madonna.

Who’s supposed to be insulted here exactly? The racist, homophobic Corker or the light-loafered Matthew Broderick who, though “the Sausage King of Chicago”, is apparently not gay enough for Excitable’s Chattabootie connection?

From the station manager:

Station President and general manager Tom Tolar watched a preview of “Madonna: The Confessions Tour Live,” set for the 8-10 p.m. slot tonight and said viewers will instead see the 1986 film, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Toplar said it is a prime time for families to get together, and the show just did not seem appropriate.

Tolar said an N-B-C representative told him the program was not cleared to air by at least 18 percent of affiliates around the country.

Hrm. So an NBC affiliate that has no problem running “Will & Grace” decides not to air Grandma running around stage in her panties and pointy-coned flapjacks. Obvious homophobia rooted in a lack of faith in Jesus’ teachings:

And yet she is banned in Tennessee. As a reader once put it to me, these fundamentalists may believe in Jesus, but many sure don’t believe Jesus.

Madonna is closer to Jesus’ authentic teachings in this respect than many Christianists.

And there you have it. A Chattanooga station manager’s decision to not air a Madonna concert is a statewide indictment of the “Christianist” threat to Christianity. As opposed to the casual blasphemy of an AARP centerfold putting herself on the crucifix somehow constituting “authentic teachings”. I definitely missed the sermon that day.

Throw those King James Bibles in the trash, I say. Replace them with a copies of the soundtrack to “Dick Tracy”. Not be presumptuous, but I believe I speak for Jesus when I say “he would have wanted it that way”.

Way to challenge those stereotypes, Sully. Gushing, hypersensitive queens who sit around listening to Madonna mp3′s all day like it’s the Gospel.

And for the record, televised assplay is usually reserved for your appearances on Real Time with Bill Maher.

This bird will not be pardoned. Under normal circumstances, a rack like that would cause me to grant leniency, but in this case, it just makes me hungrier.

Today I give thanks for my wonderful family (of which I’m not worthy) as well as my friends, blog-related and otherwise. I hope you all have a delightful thanksgiving. May your stomachs be full and your brain be booze-addled.

The Llamas have just turned three years old! In Blogosphere years, they’re about as old as the Batman TV show.

I have a special place in my heart for Steve-O and Robbo. It was skewering them where I honed my P-shop skills and they were one of the first blogs to give my old Cranky Neocon site a link.

They are the first place I go when I want to know which dead British admiral is having his birthday. It is also the only place on the entire Internet where you can get a cultural mashup of Battlestar Galactica, French newsbabes and reviews of new Netflix releases. In other words the ideal home of the post-thirtysomething family geek. I love it. Oh yeah, there is gardening tips too.

Go there and wish them happy yips.

…is the soul of wit. Thomas Sowell on Trent Lott:

…he is a pure politician, untainted by any tinge of statesman.

Watch and learn, grasshoppers.

From Tim Blair:

Sounds like a typical day in San Francisco except that the flogging would be paid for by the recipients.

This is disturbing. California Representative Henry Waxman has assumed the position of the Chairman of the House Government Reform Committee. With it comes the threat that this extreme liberal will use his position to harass the Bush administration and deliver some payback for the Clinton Impeachment.

Here he is on Fox being as creepy as ever.

(more…)

The scene. I’m sitting in my doctor’s waiting room. A friendly 70+ lady is seated next to me and we’re having a pleasant chat about computers.

[Me] I always thought it would be nice to teach computer use at the neighborhood nursing homes. You could be quickly in touch with family, get to know people through blogs or lists. You could even…

[Friendly 70+ lady] Oh no. Did you see on the news about that fella who raped women he met on the computer?

[Me] Um, yes.

[F 70+ L] Oh no. Raped five or six women.

[Me] Hmm. I was just thinking that elderly people, sometimes, you know, feel isolated and want …

[F 70+ L] Nope, not for me.

[Me] Been seeing Dr. Brandt for a while?

[F 70+ L] Yes. Great doctor.

[Me] Good. Good.

Didja see the big TomKat wedding thing covered on all the news channels this weekend?

Celebrity weddings are supposed to be visions of opulence; pageants that we ordinary people stare at slack jawed.

I don’t think, however, that they’re supposed to be this freaky.

Communism, Cialis, Unsexy!

More effluvium from San Fransissy’s “They’re Not Like Us” files:

Anti-war couple conceive new way to generate peace

Joe Garofoli, Chronicle Staff Writer

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Living on their houseboat off the Marin County coast, anti-war activists Donna Sheehan and her partner, Paul Reffel, concocted a way for the world to communally create a lot of peaceful vibes.

They want everyone to have an orgasm on the same day.
[...]
Once you’ve committed, there’s even a secret sign to show others that you plan to take part: Flash the universal “OK” sign and wink. Or, as it has been redubbed, “The O” sign.

And hopefully everyone who finds the idea of grandma putting on her slinky Depends ™ Thong and reheating a romantic squash casserole dinner by candlelight will join me in their nausea by driving with their headlights on tonight.

Personally, Sheehan’s experiences with the Baring Witness (link Not Safe For Anyone) demonstrations opened up new avenues of self-exploration for the 76-year-old artist. Since then, she has learned more about how women can initiate courtship, sex and peace, culminating this year in a book she and Reffel wrote, “Redefining Seduction.”

Whether or not the 76-year old silver fox’s cozies match her doilies is definitely “Redefining Seduction” in my book but I expect no better from the city that brought us “Harold and Maude”.

Not surprisingly, the Global O isn’t the first effort to synchronize pleasure in the name of peace. Or even just in the name of synchronized pleasure. For several years, a weekly climax has been coordinated online (Webcams optional), and sexuality experts say there have been several other attempts to link pleasure and peace.

But they’re not all Kool-Aid drinkers out on the Left Coast:

Even skeptics like Jim Underdown, who investigates paranormal matters in California for the Center for Inquiry-West, plans to join in the fun — even if he believes there is no way to transmit energy from one’s brain to achieve a physical result.

“You don’t need a good reason to have an orgasm,” he said. “Even a stupid one is OK.”

As your parents, Gaia rest their souls, would no doubt agree.

Death to Israel! Death to America!

Nothing helps prepare the future tinpot dictators of tomorrow like brainwashing our youth with some delusional Kumbaya “hands on” training today. The daily disgrace that is the Gannett owned “Tennessean” newspaper, puffily covers how the YMCA is hosting a “Mock UN” conference that should, at the very least, mock the international joke that is the real-life UN. Once you get past the hilarious resolutions, like Afghanistan sponsoring legislation to fight AIDS in Africa, the Congo demanding that an armed UN force invade their country and overthrow local warlords, or Burma (aka Myanmar) condemning itself for all of the opium it slangs to the world, you get down to the honest-to-Allah’s truth of what the UN’s about. Take the Saudi Arabian delegation’s proposal for example:

Acknowledging that the 9 million Palestinian people do not currently have a homeland due to the Zionist revolution of the 1940’s, Fully aware that the Zionists have taken control over what was once Palestinian land, Conscious that attacks on Israel and the United States of America will be increased if the Holy Land is not restored to its proper owner,
Stressing that the Palestinian people will not settle for half or only part of their own land,

The delegation for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia hereby:

Calls for the expulsion of the Zionist terrorists that currently occupy the Holy Land and request that control of the land be handed over to the Palestine National Authority under the leadership of Mahmoud Abbas. We request that the United Nations and several of its member states assist in the building of the Palestinian nation.

Emphasizing: May praise be for Allah and peace upon the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam)!

Is our chirren learning? I think so. Though I could not find any cultural exceptions for honor stonings in the YMCA’s Codes of Conduct.

The delegation comes complete with the patented UN Build Your Own Misogynistic, Theocratic Regime Kit ™ as seen here. Dressing up high school students in burqas while calling for the destruction of Israel and threats of future attacks on the US, finally, someone has taught these kids what the United Nations is all about.

The only real question is whether the YMCA, whose mission statement is allegedly “A worldwide charitable fellowship united by a common loyalty to Jesus Christ for the purpose of helping persons grow in spirit, mind and body”, is living up to it’s creed by worshiping this false idol of feigned tolerant multiculturalism.

Meanwhile, back in reality, the only man in the world willing to stand up to the UN is getting ready to be handed his walking papers. But is refusing to go gently into that good night.

England’s Church of Eating Babies says – save the disabled ones for us!

Butler added that, because they were running low on fresh babies for the organ and tissue harvesting farm at his Parish, they’ve lowered their standards to take on babies of all kinds – even those that aren’t quite “up to snuff”. Many of the Parish’s Sunday night dinner attendees have also developed a taste for infant that has proved to be more of a drain on the baby supply than planned.

h/t: Therapist

This is the full ABSCAM video, starring Jack “I never took that money” Murtha. It’s fifty-three minutes and forty seconds long, but I was fascinated by the entire thing.

6MB readers are pretty well informed, but on the off chance that you need some background, here’s the setup. Back in the waning days of the Carter administration, while Tip O’Neill was House Speaker, there was a junior congressman named John Murtha. He’s the dude that’s sitting on the couch in the video, the one with the elevated opinion of himself.

The FBI created a sting operation in which they approached 31 congressmen and told them a couple of rich Saudi princes needed help getting into the United States. The Saudi princes were fictitious, but Murtha and the other congressmen didn’t know that. All they knew was that the offering price was $50,000 per prince.

You may read elsewhere that Murtha was clean, because he didn’t take the money. You won’t find a perfect smoking gun soundbite in this video. The dude was careful. But after listening to the totality of the shit that comes out of his mouth during this haggling session, there was no doubt in my mind: that asshole’s dirty.

Did you hear that our very own Bill of INDC Journal is going to Iraq? No, there’s no punchline. He is really going to Iraq.

In what is either a really brave bit of journalism or the stupidest dare ever taken, Bill is going to:

Please help properly equip Bill for his trip there. Your kind donation can help Bill load up on these essentials:

Godspeed, Bill. Godspeed.

The GOP has elected pork-loving (and not the good kind of pork) Trent Lott to Senate Minority Whip, in an effort to guarantee GOP minority status for as many years into the future as possible.