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Archive for November, 2006



We’ve Been Challenged

November 30th, 2006 at 9:52 pm by Cranky

There was some debate here at the Buffet whether we should rise to the bait put out by Sadly No.

Right-wing sites of similar traffic that are not yet proven abject cowards, and have not yet begged off on our Photoshop Duel challenge, despite sucking:

1) Dan Riehl
2) Six-Meat Buffet
3) Does anyone else on the right even do Photoshop?
4) Yeah, you. We challenge you, chunderbot. Here’s a bullet. Aroo! Aroo!

Strangely enough, we never actually received an email with this challenge.

Truth is, we’re not participating in this year’s Weblog Awards, hence we have no real motivation to descend to the gutter. Besides, there were too many cheesewipes wandering in from Jesus General (no link) last year. It just wasn’t worth it.

However, the challenge was out there. Smantix and I put down our cognac snifters and Cohibas and collectively decided to engage in this Photoshop competition. Also, Letterman was a re-run.


For our worthy opponents at Sadly, No we offer Silent Scope – that fun sniper video game which inspired Deb Frisch to go after Jeff Goldstein’s kid.

silent_scope1.jpg

The arcade version of Silent Scope is enjoying a resurgence in popularity ever since Anderson Cooper used it to take potshots at our troops in Iraq.

Out of quarters? Don’t despair! You can relive the 60s and snipe at our troops from your parent’s basements with the PS2 home edition. Comes with a cheat guide too!!

silent_scope2.jpg

UPDATE: Just dug this up from the archives… Understanding the mind of the Far Left

More 80s Videos

November 30th, 2006 at 9:09 pm by Cranky

We haven’t had much fun with videos lately.

This one was pretty good. I think I bought the single the weekend it came out.

Do you kids like the Teutonic pop?

How about 99 Luftballons?

Der Kommissar?

Clippy’s Back!

November 29th, 2006 at 12:48 pm by Cranky

That beloved talking paperclip is back and he needs some multicultural sensitivity training.

I Initially Thought This Was a Joke

November 28th, 2006 at 6:19 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Then I realized that when a Federal Judge speaks, get ready for comedy!

WASHINGTON — By keeping all U.S. currency the same size and texture, the government has denied blind people meaningful access to money, a federal judge said Tuesday.

U.S. District Judge James Robertson said the Treasury Department has violated the law, and he ordered the government to come up with ways for the blind to tell bills apart.

He said he wouldn’t tell officials how to fix the problem, but he ordered them to begin working on it within 10 days. The American Council of the Blind has proposed several options, including printing bills of differing sizes, adding embossed dots or foil to the paper or using raised ink.

“Of the more than 180 countries that issue paper currency, only the United States prints bills that are identical in size and color in all their denominations,” Robertson wrote. “More than 100 of the other issuers vary their bills in size according to denomination, and every other issuer includes at least some features that help the visually impaired.”

I mean, really. Give me a fucking break. Somebody add this asshat to the list of judges to impeach in 2007.

Note To Self: 4-Year-Olds Don’t Speak in Metaphors

November 28th, 2006 at 12:39 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

The other night, Preston Jr. was very concerned and kept getting up after being put to bed. This is unusual. He’s usually out like a light soon after prayers.

He came downstairs and with great despair, said that his piggy bank was gone. Where was he going to put his quarters (for gumballs) with his piggy bank gone? Due to the fact that we’re in the process of moving to a new house, nearly everything had been packed up, including the piggy banks.

Being the incompetent parent that I am, naturally, I assume that what he’s really upset about is the transition into a new house from the only house he’s ever known. Seemed like a logical conclusion to me. It’s not really about the piggy bank – the piggy bank merely represents his anxiety about moving to a new house and a new neighborhood. The piggy bank is just a metaphor for his pending upheaval.

He later woke us up around 1:30 am, still worried about his piggy bank. I tried to reassure him by letting him know that he’d have his piggy bank at his new house.

Demonstrating far more parental competence and understanding of child psychology, Mrs. Holmes got up, unpacked the piggy bank, put it back in his room (precisely where he demanded) and off he went to sleep. When I brought it up later, she emphasized, “he really wanted his piggy bank.”

Sometimes a piggy bank is just a piggy bank.

Calling Janet Reno

November 27th, 2006 at 4:14 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

10 dead in group home fire in Missouri.

At least 10 people were killed in a fire early Monday at a state-run group home for the mentally disabled in southwest Missouri, the state fire marshal said.
At least 12 people were taken to hospitals from the Anderson Guest House south of Joplin, Fire Marshal Randy Cole said. Authorities believe about 35 people were in the home at the time, he said.

The building was “very heavily damaged” before the fire was brought under control just before daylight, Cole said.

The cause was under investigation, and names of the victims had not been released.

The home is run by the Missouri Mental Health Department and Department of Health and Senior Services, he said. Health and Senior Services said they did not immediately have any information on the fire, and the mental health department did not immediately return a message seeking comment.

Janet Reno’s whereabouts are still unknown as of press time. If anyone sees the former pyromaniac Attorney General, please contact local authorities.

To Advertise and Misinform

November 27th, 2006 at 9:10 am by Smantix
Serpas

If you’re a major metro newspaper in a rapidly growing city with a skyrocketing violent crime rate, would you:

a) Dedicate more staff to covering the Police Beat.

b) Run more in-depth thought pieces on the “root causes” of crime.

or,

c) Just cut back on covering crime all together.

No Time for Crime at 1100 Broadway
[...]
The Tennessean, Rex has learned, is preparing to cut back on its coverage of crime in the Music City, according to Tennessean newsroom sources.

Which, six months into the Police Department’s acknowledgement that Nashville has a serious gang problem, the announcement by a Mayoral candidate that he’s running to put more cops on the street, and an up-tick in Nashville’s ranking on the “most dangerous cities” in the country list only makes perfect sense if you speak Gannettese..
Nashville was named Friday as one of 18 cities and sprawling suburban regions picked by the federal government to be the subject of a national crime study on why homicides and other violent crimes are on the rise nationally.

The City Paper notes that a federal study indicating a national 2.2% overall violent crime rate rise since 2001, however, Nashville’s rate has gone well into the double digit under Chief Spanky’s Reign of Error.

Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

Yours, Mine and Allah’s

November 26th, 2006 at 3:23 pm by Cranky

Didja hear the one about the shaheed grandma and her forty-one(!) ‘lil bombers?

If not, check out Mark Steyn’s take on it, then come back and witness the birth of a new Palestinian sitcom.

Stupid AP Tricks

November 26th, 2006 at 11:27 am by Smantix

Nothing beats a good apples to eggplants comparison:


U.S. involved in Iraq longer than WWII

By TOM RAUM, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON – The war in Iraq has now lasted longer than the U.S. involvement in the war that President Bush’s father fought in, World War II. As of Sunday, the conflict in Iraq has raged for three years and just over eight

Only the Vietnam War (eight years, five months), the Revolutionary War (six years, nine months), and the Civil War (four years), have engaged America longer.

In related news, the insurgent AP’s Strawman Rebellion has lasted considerably longer than Nat Turner’s Rebellion.

And now you know.

And Knowing Is Half the Battle

Imaginary Media Bias

November 26th, 2006 at 9:11 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

For those of you who continue to deny the existence of left-leaning bias in the Old Media, MKH has a delightful case study which demonstrates this bias, and how subtle it can be.

Early reports last year seemed to indicate that the season would be good, and it was, but a lot of news outlets did their darndest to hide the good under gloomy headlines and misleading ledes on this day a year ago. But now that the New Age of Prosperity in a Time of Democratic Control TM has dawned, the stories look very different on this day after Black Friday, 2006. Let’s compare and contrast.

Baltimore Sun, 2005:

The Baltimore Sun says, “although retailers face a challenging economy, early reports yesterday indicated a strong first day for the official shopping season.”

Baltimore Sun, 2006: Holiday Shopping Starts With a Roar

You might as well put exclamation points on this kind of copy:

The holiday shopping season kicked off in typical frenzied fashion yesterday with pre-dawn bargains, midnight store openings, clogged Internet sites and long lines, fueling a cultural tradition that helps to set the tone for how retailers finish out the year.

Early reports by retail executives predicted strong sales yesterday. And the industry hoped that showing would continue throughout the weekend, when 137 million people are expected to visit stores.

How quickly that “challenging economy” has disappeared since the Democrats took control, huh?

She has several other good examples – read the whole thing.

There are a few things you can count on when the Donks are in control of the federal government. The economy will always be good – nay, great!, all military action initiated by Dim-O-Cracks will be justified, and you’re all about to get your asses taxed into oblivion to pay for LBJ’s great (welfare) society.

Save Ferris From Bob Corker

November 25th, 2006 at 12:57 pm by Smantix

Not since the theft of the nunbun has religious persecution been so prevalent within the country confines of our Volunteer Auschwitz. The Excitably Passive-Aggressive Sully alerts us that the racist Senator-elect Bob Corker lynched the aging Madonna “Esther” Ciccone outside of her dressing room on Thanksgiving! Bloodying the varicose veins on her Holy Cankles by bringing down the full fascist force of the Tennessee Taliban upon her.

Does it pay you more to walk on water than to wear your crown of thorns?

For those who believe Bob Corker won because of racism, rest assured he won on religious fundamentalism. Proof in point: last night in Chattanooga, TN (Bob Corker’s hometown) NBC aired “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” instead of the Madonna concert. Our children and grandchildren learn to cut school, be cool, borrow Dad’s Ferrari and tell a few harmless lies. But by the Grace of God, our community protects impressionable youth from that sexual and religious deviant Madonna.

Who’s supposed to be insulted here exactly? The racist, homophobic Corker or the light-loafered Matthew Broderick who, though “the Sausage King of Chicago”, is apparently not gay enough for Excitable’s Chattabootie connection?

From the station manager:

Station President and general manager Tom Tolar watched a preview of “Madonna: The Confessions Tour Live,” set for the 8-10 p.m. slot tonight and said viewers will instead see the 1986 film, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Toplar said it is a prime time for families to get together, and the show just did not seem appropriate.

Tolar said an N-B-C representative told him the program was not cleared to air by at least 18 percent of affiliates around the country.

Hrm. So an NBC affiliate that has no problem running “Will & Grace” decides not to air Grandma running around stage in her panties and pointy-coned flapjacks. Obvious homophobia rooted in a lack of faith in Jesus’ teachings:

And yet she is banned in Tennessee. As a reader once put it to me, these fundamentalists may believe in Jesus, but many sure don’t believe Jesus.

Madonna is closer to Jesus’ authentic teachings in this respect than many Christianists.

And there you have it. A Chattanooga station manager’s decision to not air a Madonna concert is a statewide indictment of the “Christianist” threat to Christianity. As opposed to the casual blasphemy of an AARP centerfold putting herself on the crucifix somehow constituting “authentic teachings”. I definitely missed the sermon that day.

Throw those King James Bibles in the trash, I say. Replace them with a copies of the soundtrack to “Dick Tracy”. Not be presumptuous, but I believe I speak for Jesus when I say “he would have wanted it that way”.

Way to challenge those stereotypes, Sully. Gushing, hypersensitive queens who sit around listening to Madonna mp3′s all day like it’s the Gospel.

And for the record, televised assplay is usually reserved for your appearances on Real Time with Bill Maher.

Thankgsivingfullness

November 23rd, 2006 at 8:55 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

This bird will not be pardoned. Under normal circumstances, a rack like that would cause me to grant leniency, but in this case, it just makes me hungrier.

Today I give thanks for my wonderful family (of which I’m not worthy) as well as my friends, blog-related and otherwise. I hope you all have a delightful thanksgiving. May your stomachs be full and your brain be booze-addled.

Look Who Just Turned Three!

November 22nd, 2006 at 11:55 am by Cranky

The Llamas have just turned three years old! In Blogosphere years, they’re about as old as the Batman TV show.

I have a special place in my heart for Steve-O and Robbo. It was skewering them where I honed my P-shop skills and they were one of the first blogs to give my old Cranky Neocon site a link.

They are the first place I go when I want to know which dead British admiral is having his birthday. It is also the only place on the entire Internet where you can get a cultural mashup of Battlestar Galactica, French newsbabes and reviews of new Netflix releases. In other words the ideal home of the post-thirtysomething family geek. I love it. Oh yeah, there is gardening tips too.

Go there and wish them happy yips.

6MB Moment of Zen

November 22nd, 2006 at 1:10 am by annika

Brevity…

November 21st, 2006 at 8:25 pm by Johnny Walker Red

…is the soul of wit. Thomas Sowell on Trent Lott:

…he is a pure politician, untainted by any tinge of statesman.

Watch and learn, grasshoppers.

Yet Another Uncanny Similarity Between Lefty Loonies and Islamists

November 21st, 2006 at 8:23 am by Cranky

From Tim Blair:

Islamic religious police on Tuesday arrested 22 people for smoking in the Somali port of Kismayo, where they will be flogged if found guilty of violating a new tobacco ban, officials said.

Those detained were nabbed just days after local Islamist officials announced a total ban on the use of tobacco in the key southern port, in a new sign of their increasingly strict application of Sharia law.

Sounds like a typical day in San Francisco except that the flogging would be paid for by the recipients.

Henry Waxman on Fox News

November 20th, 2006 at 7:15 pm by Cranky

This is disturbing. California Representative Henry Waxman has assumed the position of the Chairman of the House Government Reform Committee. With it comes the threat that this extreme liberal will use his position to harass the Bush administration and deliver some payback for the Clinton Impeachment.

waxman-henry.gif

Here he is on Fox being as creepy as ever.

(more…)

How Dreams Die

November 20th, 2006 at 10:27 am by Cranky

The scene. I’m sitting in my doctor’s waiting room. A friendly 70+ lady is seated next to me and we’re having a pleasant chat about computers.

[Me] I always thought it would be nice to teach computer use at the neighborhood nursing homes. You could be quickly in touch with family, get to know people through blogs or lists. You could even…

[Friendly 70+ lady] Oh no. Did you see on the news about that fella who raped women he met on the computer?

[Me] Um, yes.

[F 70+ L] Oh no. Raped five or six women.

[Me] Hmm. I was just thinking that elderly people, sometimes, you know, feel isolated and want …

[F 70+ L] Nope, not for me.

[Me] Been seeing Dr. Brandt for a while?

[F 70+ L] Yes. Great doctor.

[Me] Good. Good.

Celebrity Weddings

November 19th, 2006 at 6:06 pm by Cranky

Didja see the big TomKat wedding thing covered on all the news channels this weekend?

Celebrity weddings are supposed to be visions of opulence; pageants that we ordinary people stare at slack jawed.

I don’t think, however, that they’re supposed to be this freaky.

Global Orgasm Day Sank My Battleship

November 19th, 2006 at 12:31 pm by Smantix

Communism, Cialis, Unsexy!

More effluvium from San Fransissy’s “They’re Not Like Us” files:

Anti-war couple conceive new way to generate peace

Joe Garofoli, Chronicle Staff Writer

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Living on their houseboat off the Marin County coast, anti-war activists Donna Sheehan and her partner, Paul Reffel, concocted a way for the world to communally create a lot of peaceful vibes.

They want everyone to have an orgasm on the same day.
[...]
Once you’ve committed, there’s even a secret sign to show others that you plan to take part: Flash the universal “OK” sign and wink. Or, as it has been redubbed, “The O” sign.

Fudging Nasty

And hopefully everyone who finds the idea of grandma putting on her slinky Depends ™ Thong and reheating a romantic squash casserole dinner by candlelight will join me in their nausea by driving with their headlights on tonight.

Personally, Sheehan’s experiences with the Baring Witness (link Not Safe For Anyone) demonstrations opened up new avenues of self-exploration for the 76-year-old artist. Since then, she has learned more about how women can initiate courtship, sex and peace, culminating this year in a book she and Reffel wrote, “Redefining Seduction.”

Whether or not the 76-year old silver fox’s cozies match her doilies is definitely “Redefining Seduction” in my book but I expect no better from the city that brought us “Harold and Maude”.

Not surprisingly, the Global O isn’t the first effort to synchronize pleasure in the name of peace. Or even just in the name of synchronized pleasure. For several years, a weekly climax has been coordinated online (Webcams optional), and sexuality experts say there have been several other attempts to link pleasure and peace.

But they’re not all Kool-Aid drinkers out on the Left Coast:

Even skeptics like Jim Underdown, who investigates paranormal matters in California for the Center for Inquiry-West, plans to join in the fun — even if he believes there is no way to transmit energy from one’s brain to achieve a physical result.

“You don’t need a good reason to have an orgasm,” he said. “Even a stupid one is OK.”

As your parents, Gaia rest their souls, would no doubt agree.

The Mock US Out of The Mock UN

November 19th, 2006 at 10:17 am by Smantix

Death to Israel! Death to America!

Get The Fudge Out

Nothing helps prepare the future tinpot dictators of tomorrow like brainwashing our youth with some delusional Kumbaya “hands on” training today. The daily disgrace that is the Gannett owned “Tennessean” newspaper, puffily covers how the YMCA is hosting a “Mock UN” conference that should, at the very least, mock the international joke that is the real-life UN. Once you get past the hilarious resolutions, like Afghanistan sponsoring legislation to fight AIDS in Africa, the Congo demanding that an armed UN force invade their country and overthrow local warlords, or Burma (aka Myanmar) condemning itself for all of the opium it slangs to the world, you get down to the honest-to-Allah’s truth of what the UN’s about. Take the Saudi Arabian delegation’s proposal for example:

Acknowledging that the 9 million Palestinian people do not currently have a homeland due to the Zionist revolution of the 1940’s, Fully aware that the Zionists have taken control over what was once Palestinian land, Conscious that attacks on Israel and the United States of America will be increased if the Holy Land is not restored to its proper owner,
Stressing that the Palestinian people will not settle for half or only part of their own land,

The delegation for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia hereby:

Calls for the expulsion of the Zionist terrorists that currently occupy the Holy Land and request that control of the land be handed over to the Palestine National Authority under the leadership of Mahmoud Abbas. We request that the United Nations and several of its member states assist in the building of the Palestinian nation.

Emphasizing: May praise be for Allah and peace upon the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam)!

Death to America

Is our chirren learning? I think so. Though I could not find any cultural exceptions for honor stonings in the YMCA’s Codes of Conduct.

The delegation comes complete with the patented UN Build Your Own Misogynistic, Theocratic Regime Kit ™ as seen here. Dressing up high school students in burqas while calling for the destruction of Israel and threats of future attacks on the US, finally, someone has taught these kids what the United Nations is all about.

The only real question is whether the YMCA, whose mission statement is allegedly “A worldwide charitable fellowship united by a common loyalty to Jesus Christ for the purpose of helping persons grow in spirit, mind and body”, is living up to it’s creed by worshiping this false idol of feigned tolerant multiculturalism.

Meanwhile, back in reality, the only man in the world willing to stand up to the UN is getting ready to be handed his walking papers. But is refusing to go gently into that good night.

England’s Bishop of Southwark Lowers Standards at Infant Tissue Farms

November 18th, 2006 at 9:23 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

England’s Church of Eating Babies says – save the disabled ones for us!

The Church of England has broken with tradition dogma by calling for doctors to be allowed to let sick newborn babies die.

Christians have long argued that life should preserved at all costs – but a bishop representing the national church has now sparked controversy by arguing that there are occasions when it is compassionate to leave a severely disabled child to die.

And the Bishop of Southwark, Tom Butler, who is the vice chair of the Church of England’s Mission and Public Affairs Council, has also argued that the high financial cost of keeping desperately ill babies alive should be a factor in life or death decisions.

The shock new policy from the church has caused outrage among the disabled.

A spokeswoman for the UK Disabled People’s Council, which represents tens of thousands of members in 140 different organisations, said: “How can the Church of England say that Christian compassion includes killing of disabled babies either through the withdrawing or withholding of treatment or by active euthanasia?

“It is not for doctors or indeed anyone else to determine whether a baby’s life is worthwhile simply on the grounds of impairment or health condition.”

Butler added that, because they were running low on fresh babies for the organ and tissue harvesting farm at his Parish, they’ve lowered their standards to take on babies of all kinds – even those that aren’t quite “up to snuff”. Many of the Parish’s Sunday night dinner attendees have also developed a taste for infant that has proved to be more of a drain on the baby supply than planned.

h/t: Therapist

Fat, Dirty and Stupid Is No Way to Go Through Life

November 16th, 2006 at 10:58 pm by annika

This is the full ABSCAM video, starring Jack “I never took that money” Murtha. It’s fifty-three minutes and forty seconds long, but I was fascinated by the entire thing.

6MB readers are pretty well informed, but on the off chance that you need some background, here’s the setup. Back in the waning days of the Carter administration, while Tip O’Neill was House Speaker, there was a junior congressman named John Murtha. He’s the dude that’s sitting on the couch in the video, the one with the elevated opinion of himself.

The FBI created a sting operation in which they approached 31 congressmen and told them a couple of rich Saudi princes needed help getting into the United States. The Saudi princes were fictitious, but Murtha and the other congressmen didn’t know that. All they knew was that the offering price was $50,000 per prince.

You may read elsewhere that Murtha was clean, because he didn’t take the money. You won’t find a perfect smoking gun soundbite in this video. The dude was careful. But after listening to the totality of the shit that comes out of his mouth during this haggling session, there was no doubt in my mind: that asshole’s dirty.

INDC in Iraq

November 16th, 2006 at 10:57 pm by Cranky

Did you hear that our very own Bill of INDC Journal is going to Iraq? No, there’s no punchline. He is really going to Iraq.

In what is either a really brave bit of journalism or the stupidest dare ever taken, Bill is going to:

Starting in very late December, I’ll be traveling to Western Iraq to embed with the Marines, publishing both independent blog items and op-eds for the Washington Examiner. Specific destinations (thus far) include Ramadi, Habbaniyah (the headquarters of the Iraqi First Army and several IA boot camps), Fallujah and Baghdad.

Please help properly equip Bill for his trip there. Your kind donation can help Bill load up on these essentials:

indc_benefit.jpg

Godspeed, Bill. Godspeed.

Everything Old is New Again

November 15th, 2006 at 12:48 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

The GOP has elected pork-loving (and not the good kind of pork) Trent Lott to Senate Minority Whip, in an effort to guarantee GOP minority status for as many years into the future as possible.

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