Not since the theft of the nunbun has religious persecution been so prevalent within the country confines of our Volunteer Auschwitz. The Excitably Passive-Aggressive Sully alerts us that the racist Senator-elect Bob Corker lynched the aging Madonna “Esther” Ciccone outside of her dressing room on Thanksgiving! Bloodying the varicose veins on her Holy Cankles by bringing down the full fascist force of the Tennessee Taliban upon her.

Does it pay you more to walk on water than to wear your crown of thorns?

For those who believe Bob Corker won because of racism, rest assured he won on religious fundamentalism. Proof in point: last night in Chattanooga, TN (Bob Corker’s hometown) NBC aired “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” instead of the Madonna concert. Our children and grandchildren learn to cut school, be cool, borrow Dad’s Ferrari and tell a few harmless lies. But by the Grace of God, our community protects impressionable youth from that sexual and religious deviant Madonna.

Who’s supposed to be insulted here exactly? The racist, homophobic Corker or the light-loafered Matthew Broderick who, though “the Sausage King of Chicago”, is apparently not gay enough for Excitable’s Chattabootie connection?

From the station manager:

Station President and general manager Tom Tolar watched a preview of “Madonna: The Confessions Tour Live,” set for the 8-10 p.m. slot tonight and said viewers will instead see the 1986 film, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Toplar said it is a prime time for families to get together, and the show just did not seem appropriate.

Tolar said an N-B-C representative told him the program was not cleared to air by at least 18 percent of affiliates around the country.

Hrm. So an NBC affiliate that has no problem running “Will & Grace” decides not to air Grandma running around stage in her panties and pointy-coned flapjacks. Obvious homophobia rooted in a lack of faith in Jesus’ teachings:

And yet she is banned in Tennessee. As a reader once put it to me, these fundamentalists may believe in Jesus, but many sure don’t believe Jesus.

Madonna is closer to Jesus’ authentic teachings in this respect than many Christianists.

And there you have it. A Chattanooga station manager’s decision to not air a Madonna concert is a statewide indictment of the “Christianist” threat to Christianity. As opposed to the casual blasphemy of an AARP centerfold putting herself on the crucifix somehow constituting “authentic teachings”. I definitely missed the sermon that day.

Throw those King James Bibles in the trash, I say. Replace them with a copies of the soundtrack to “Dick Tracy”. Not be presumptuous, but I believe I speak for Jesus when I say “he would have wanted it that way”.

Way to challenge those stereotypes, Sully. Gushing, hypersensitive queens who sit around listening to Madonna mp3′s all day like it’s the Gospel.

And for the record, televised assplay is usually reserved for your appearances on Real Time with Bill Maher.

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