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I Initially Thought This Was a Joke

November 28th, 2006 at 6:19 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Then I realized that when a Federal Judge speaks, get ready for comedy!

WASHINGTON — By keeping all U.S. currency the same size and texture, the government has denied blind people meaningful access to money, a federal judge said Tuesday.

U.S. District Judge James Robertson said the Treasury Department has violated the law, and he ordered the government to come up with ways for the blind to tell bills apart.

He said he wouldn’t tell officials how to fix the problem, but he ordered them to begin working on it within 10 days. The American Council of the Blind has proposed several options, including printing bills of differing sizes, adding embossed dots or foil to the paper or using raised ink.

“Of the more than 180 countries that issue paper currency, only the United States prints bills that are identical in size and color in all their denominations,” Robertson wrote. “More than 100 of the other issuers vary their bills in size according to denomination, and every other issuer includes at least some features that help the visually impaired.”

I mean, really. Give me a fucking break. Somebody add this asshat to the list of judges to impeach in 2007.


14 Responses to “I Initially Thought This Was a Joke”

  1. michele Says:

    First you post about a little boy who missed his piggy bank, now you’re pondering currency-size. Money is much on your mind today, no?

  2. Preston Taylor Holmes Says:

    Nah. I just hate blind people and money. So it all wrapped up really nicely today.

    No… wait. I like money. Eh. Forget it.

  3. marble Says:

    With this I will have to be giving them the right amount. Those bastards!

  4. Yiddish Steel Says:

    It’s like the time that Ray Charles, Ronnie Milsap, and Jeff Healy all came into the bar I was working at… All 3 decided to pay their tabs seperately… In cash, no less… So, being the insufferable prick that I am, accept their large bills with the face of Ben Franklin on them for their measley tabs, each of which amounted to no more than $18.42… So, I reach for the small bills and count back the change with 4 singles, “twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, and fifty eight cents makes a c-note!… Y’all come back now!” :twisted:

  5. Billy Says:

    I came home and saw this on Fox News and I thought “I’ll bet one of the 6 Meat dudes is all over this one…”

    I logged on and Presto(n)!

  6. pandelume Says:

    I hate judicial overreach as much as the next guy, but would it really kill us to put a couple of dots on a bill? Just askin’.

  7. Unpartisan.com Political News and Blog Aggregator Says:

    U.S. Currency Design Ruled Discriminatory…

    A dollar bill feels very much like a five or a twenty, and that’s a problem, according to a federal …

  8. Jenn Says:

    I posted on this too. Politically correct crap.

  9. phineas g. Says:

    Let them use change.
    Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and the dollar are all different sizes.

    If they masturbated enough to go blind their fore-arms must look like Pop-Eye’s, so lugging around all that change will give the perverts a chance to bulk up the rest of their body.

  10. Swamp Rabbit Says:

    # 8.

    Bahaahaaah hhahahhha hhhhaahh,,, (pant, pant),, Baahhahahh hhahhhahhah ahhhaahhhha,,

    (whew, wiping tear from my eye)

  11. The Maximum Leader Says:

    What? They let blind people have money?

  12. Stiknstein Says:

    Gee…..all of a sudden
    Did ya know that U.S. bills have been the same size since 1929?
    WTF have we been doing since then? I say an apology and retroactive compensation is in order.
    TAP…TAP…tap…tap….tap…….

  13. Kevin Says:

    You said ‘fucking’ and ‘asshat’. That’s two swear words in two sentences. Are you becoming a liberal, Mr. Holmes?

  14. cold pizza Says:

    uhhh, plastic? Debit cards? Credit Cards? Oh, I guess they’d need paper money for those road tolls. Or maybe it’s so they know how much they’re tipping the lap dancer. -cp