The award for “gayest sounding non-gay gift item” goes to Brazos Legends’ hot sauce sampler.

In case you can’t read the labels, this sampler offers the following varieties:

Texas Tongue Torch
Cowboy Cayenne
Butt Burner
Texas Tail Torcher
Fire In The Hole

This set would make a perfect gift for that special friend or acquaintance about whom you’ve always wondered. You know, the guy who always refers to his romantic attachments with ambiguous terms like “this person I’m seeing,” yet he never seems to bring a date to the holiday parties.

A gift like this might be the most tactfully tacky way to smoke that guy out of the closet, especially if you’re gay yourself. Give it with a wink, or two, and see what happens. You’ll either get a date out of it, or you might get slugged. Either way, your friend will end up with a pretty nice supply of condiments, with your compliments.

Also available at Cost Plus World Market.

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