Scientists: Global Warming “Bitchin’”
January 30th, 2007 at 3:00 pm by CrankyA consortium of climatologists today released a UN sponsored report on the medium-term effects of global warming.
Highlights of the report:
- If left unchecked, global warming will have a profound effect on human and, more significantly, all other life on this planet.
- An increase of just two tenths of a degree Farenheit could cause significant rainfall over traditionally arid places like the American Southwest. Diverse desert life like cacti and those giant turtles could be endangered as grasslands and forests encroach on their habitat.
- Agriculture could spread to areas of Canada currently too cold to cultivate. The resulting increase in the food supply may encourage more people to eat and subsequently breed. Many of these people would be Canadian.
- Places which encourage depression and suicide like Portland, Oregon could possibily become “downright Costa Rican” by mid-century. Important social movements like “Grunge”, already endangered, may well go extinct.
Or if you prefer, here’s the standard doom ‘n gloom. Their stuff is more accurate anyway:
Global warm-monger Stephen Schneider ramps up the fear in 1996:
On the one hand, as scientists we are ethically bound to the scientific method, in effect promising to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but — which means that we must include all the doubts, the caveats, the ifs, ands, and buts. On the other hand, we are not just scientists but human beings as well.
…
So we have to offer up scary scenarios, make simplified, dramatic statements, and make little mention of any doubts we might have. This ‘double ethical bind’ we frequently find ourselves in cannot be solved by any formula. Each of us has to decide what the right balance is between being effective and being honest. I hope that means being both.
Be afraid. They need you to be afraid.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Your analysis is much more accurate, Cranky. Can you imagine what will happen when those freakin’ Canadians have a population explosion?
HOCKEY! And bad beer!
And the northern border is unprotected…
January 31st, 2007 at 12:08 am
Ok, so if there are more Canadiens, then maybe we’ll get a few more funny guys like “Red Green.” Fuck the rain–maybe it’ll drown the snakes…
January 31st, 2007 at 11:12 am
I am, however, extremely concerned about the toads.
Cranky, the toads have practically disappeared from our part of the world. Have they migrated north to Canada?
January 31st, 2007 at 11:22 am
“bad beer”?
Labatt’s kicks Budweiser’s ass
January 31st, 2007 at 12:37 pm
more food = more breeding of pigs = MORE BACK BACON!
and donuts. can’t forget the donuts.
January 31st, 2007 at 2:35 pm
The toads shall return, Billy. Mark my words.
BTW, I was born in Montreal to parents who couldn’t wait to get to sunny CA.
I don’t think of myself as Canadian except for a fondness for Molson (Hate to admit it, but Sean is right there).
Canuck5, don’t they have those Tim Horton’s in the U.S. now?
January 31st, 2007 at 9:49 pm
yes, cranky, they do.
if i’ve said it once, i’ll say it again -it’s not the mexicans the US has to worry about. it’s those flapping-headed canadians. they may come off as a passive people, but they are slowly trying to make the United States it’s 11 province.
February 1st, 2007 at 8:16 am
Stop the Canadification of the US!
February 1st, 2007 at 11:43 am
If we get annexed by Canada, I’m moving here:
http://hotair.com/archives/2007/01/31/quebec-town-warns-immigrants-no-burning-women-alive/
February 2nd, 2007 at 8:32 am
They don’t have enought Tim Horton’s. There ain’t-a-one in Maryland.
Hey, how come no one ever mentions the globe has been warming since the end of the Ice Age? Must have been all those saber-tooth tigers driving their SUVs, fueled by the LaBrea Tar Pits.
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I would like to take this opportunity to thank (GW) I mean Global Warming. Because without it Cavemen would not be our ancestors and Al Gore would never had invented the internet.