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Archive for February, 2007



Not So Fun When They Shoot Back

February 28th, 2007 at 1:37 pm by Cranky

Do you older conservatives remember the days when an outspoken media figure would say some deeply stupid things and there could be no rebuttal?

Many liberals cannot stand the very existence of Fox News because it gives an opposing voice to the “conventional wisdom.” Before that, only the truth came out. Walter Kronkite could help sink a war and the New York Times could create a homeless crisis on Reagan’s watch uncontested.

No more.

Look at poor Keith punching above his weight class and getting quick jabbed.

These are good times.

Many thanks to Olbermann Watch.

Hi. I’m From Tennessee. We’re Morons.

February 28th, 2007 at 9:32 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

I suppose it’s no mystery why the rest of the country mercilessly mocks the South. Especially when our *chuckle* best and brightest legislators do stuff like this: State Senator calls for answer on Creation of the Universe.

(Shakes head in shame…)

NASHVILLE – Sen. Raymond Finney proposes to use the legislative process to get an answer to the question of whether the universe was created by a “Supreme Being.”

Under Senate Resolution 17, introduced by the Maryville Republican, the answer would come from state Education Commissioner Lana Seivers “in report form” no later than Jan. 15, 2008.

Can’t you just hear it? “Get me the answer to the origin of all creation – and have it on my desk by Friday…”

Then again, it’s just another political publicity stunt that further demonstrates the level of intelligent discourse that goes on in our state government. It’s hard to say for sure, but I have a feeling that our state may lead the nation in political publicity stunts.

Finney, a retired physician, said Monday that his objective is to formally prod the Department of Education into a dialogue about the teaching of evolution in school science classes without also teaching the alternative of “creationism,” or “intelligent design.”

As the resolution is written, if Seivers (TN Dept of Education Commissioner) does answer no to the first question – stating that the universe was not created by a Supreme Being – she would be offered “the General Assembly’s admiration for being able to decide conclusively a question that has long perplexed and occupied the attention of scientists, philosophers, theologians, educators and others.”

Yep, publicity stunt.

The most embarrassing part of the whole affair may be that the Senator is going to the State Department of Education for the answer to any important question. If the topic isn’t directly related to skin-color- or sexual-orientation-based- diversity training, I’m afraid the TDOE probably doesn’t have much to offer in the way of actual answers.

UPDATE: Also see Uncle’s exclusive interview. Thanks Lissa!

What a Coincidence!

February 27th, 2007 at 9:59 am by Cranky

I use the same technique to get a park bench to myself.

Important unrelated update:

Has this ever happened to you?

You stand at the altar and you say for better or for worse, and you never imagine a rugby head.

Man, if I had a dollar…

Tired of “Goracle”?

February 26th, 2007 at 9:42 pm by Cranky

In the post MTV world of 20 second attention spans and even shorter manufactured buzzwords, Gore’s new nickname “Goracle” is already passe.

Can you think of a better one? Point Five is tracking the top ten.

Don’t Let Global Warming Kill You!

February 25th, 2007 at 8:37 pm by Cranky

Dear friend,

I write this urgent appeal on the eve of Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth receiving critical acclamation.

Global Warming has caused devastating storms across Southeastern Pennsylvania and the world. Countless oxygen producing trees have been destroyed and its up to us to make a difference.





Dear friend, won’t you please consider a generous contribution to combat Global Warming?

Your gift of $3.00 will buy 50 lbs. of potting soil.

$12.00 buys a lovely dwarf pear tree for the north side of my wooded back yard.

$150.00 will help me finish the oxygen generating toad pond that I need to finish this Spring.

Don’t fret that you drive your gas-consuming Jetta, give money, it will make you feel betta!

And thank you for your concern about saving the planet.


UPDATE:

Since you people obviously don’t give a rip about the environment ($0 to date), maybe you’ll care about attaining salvation. You even get a prize for donating.

iowahawk_gore.jpg

Ben Stein Throwing in The Towel on Reducing Gov’t Expenditures

February 23rd, 2007 at 10:27 am by Cranky

Is Ben Stein is getting soft or just more pragmatic? Here is his appeal to raise taxes on the rich.

He may be onto something about never being able to reduce government spending.

We the people do like our government perks. A bridge to nowhere keeps several hundred people employed for a couple of years. Bringing home millions to move brand new train tracks keeps people employed and employed people are happy people. If you’re the guy spreading so much joy, you may well get elected next time around.

The MSM, as predictable as a dog salivating at the ringing of the bell, immediately does a human interest piece at a homeless shelter at the first hint of cutting government programs. John Stossel is the notable exception since his investigative reporting has opened his eyes to the beauty of libertarianism. (non-commissioned Amazon link)

Celebrity Pile-On

February 23rd, 2007 at 9:23 am by Cranky

We at the Buffet have avoided the Britney (no, not THAT Brittney) meltdown. It’s not that we don’t care, which we don’t. Nor is it that we avoid taking cheap shots – certainly you know us better than that.

No, the reason for no Britney postings is that when one starts at zero, the trip to the bottom is unremarkable.

However, this Photoshop contest requires your immediate attention.

brit.jpg

(Sirloin Tip Agent Bedhead – your source of all celebrity trash)

Global Warming Fever, Catch It!

February 22nd, 2007 at 9:37 pm by Cranky

The apocolyptic visions of Global Warming are intended to provoke the masses to action. Hence, every week a new alarming report is released.

Sooner or later, the alarmists will probably overplay their hand and these doomsday pronounciations will become farcical.

Actually, I think they just did.

The new study found that temperature rises had a significant impact on the number of pre-schoolers presenting to emergency departments for fever and gastroenteritis.

The University of Sydney research is the first to make a solid link between climate changes and childhood illness.

“And now global warming is becoming more apparent, it is highly likely an increasing number of young children will be turning up at hospital departments with these kinds of common illnesses,” said researcher Lawrence Lam, a paediatrics specialist.

Fact – High temperature corollates with an increase in children with fevers.

Conclusion – Global Warming will cause children’s heath to suffer.

Also uncovered;

  • Severe foot injuries will increase due to heavy equipment slipping out of blue-collar worker’s sweaty hands. Thereby increasing disparity between economic classes.
  • Many more thighs will suffer second and third degree burns directly caused by Global Warming’s effect on leather car upholstery.
  • Places like Arizona and New Mexico will suffer from “extreme dry heat”.

Egads.

UPDATE: Should temperatures reach 450 degrees F. for 30 minutes, one will be able to cook a delicious Tombstone pizza right on the street!!

UPDATE II: Seriously, there may be the beginnings of backlash over the Global Warming hysteria.

From NewsBusters, The Toronto Star on the “Green Jitters”:

One mother, unable to get tickets to the [Al Gore live] show, called U of T and lamented that her daughter, a high-school student, has been unable to sleep since seeing Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth and hoped seeing him live would make her feel better.

ps. Mom is an idiot.

Our very own dsmith points to this article.

Pete Williams, of Somerfield, said: “Concerns over our environment dominate the media at present and kids are exposed to the hard facts as much as anybody.

“While many adults may look the other way, this study should show that global warming is not only hurting the children of the future, it’s affecting the welfare of kids now.

pps More idiocy. Note that kids’ sanity is just another casualty of Global Warming and not say, hysterical grown up like Pete Williams.

I’ve touched on the unnecessary stress put on children with the ecopocolypse hysteria previously.

Dennis Miller, Just Because

February 22nd, 2007 at 12:10 pm by Cranky

No special reason for posting this except that Miller is appearing to mellow into his role as the Libertarian Hollywood Commentator.

While you wait to see if Red Eye and The 1/2 News Hour will make it, check this out.

Love the way O’Reilly has to translate Miller’s obscure analogies.

ps Listen closely at the beginning of the video. Did he say that Miller is getting his own radio show? Freakin’ A!

UPDATE: Thanks to Right Wing Duck for providing the actual dates of the show because I’m too lazy to type “Dennis Miller Radio Show” into that little box on the Google site and actually press the “Submit” button..

The program is scheduled to debut March 26, 2007, and will air live from 10am to 1pm Eastern Time, with re-feeds from 1pm to 4pm Eastern Time and 4pm to 7pm Eastern Time.

How To Survive In South Central America

February 22nd, 2007 at 7:56 am by Smantix

Pressure on Brazil’s leftist “populist” Lula de Silva got stepped up yesterday with Argentina’s President Nestor Kirchner announcing that:

Argentina would gladly join a Bank of the South proposed by Mr Chavez to finance regional projects, he said.

“It cannot be that it bothers anyone that our nations become integrated,” Mr Kirchner said.

“Much has been said recently that… in [Brazilian] President Lula’s case or in my case that we had to contain President Chavez – an absolute error.”

The “regional project” in question will be a trans-Brazilian oil pipeline between Venezuela and Argentina that will have Russian backing.

Somebody had a theory that was aptly applied in Southeast Asia and neatly encapsulates what’s happening in South America…oh..what was it called? Oh, yea.

Dominos Mofos
Dominos m*@^%&*$*!#rs.

Mr. Egyptian (Cartoonist)

February 21st, 2007 at 9:19 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

From the Memri Blog, it’s one of those wacky islamic cartoonists. I suppose we should all riot and kill each other in the streets now that this one has been published.

Inset: <<“Hillary” and “Obama” – A Woman and a Negro are Participating in the Campaign for the American Presidency >>

The Religious Man: “This is another sign of the collapse of the Western civilization”

Those izlammmms – they’re a freakin’ riot. It’s a good thing they’re a protected political class or women and blacks would surely voice their outrage. Right? Right?

(via LGF)

A Jihad Tutorial

February 21st, 2007 at 8:15 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

(via Robert Spencer)

David Horowitz, one of my all-time favorite writers, has launched the Terrorism Awareness Project.

Here is a sample presentation: What Every American Needs to Know About Jihad. It’s a pretty good summary – could be better – completely misses Beslan, but it’s a start.

Browse the site. Educate yourself or the dimwits around you. Not that Buffet regulars need education on the topic, but it’s a good resource.

Give ‘Til It Hurts

February 21st, 2007 at 12:21 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Feed the supermodels. Really. Somebody please feed the supermodels.

Video below the fold.

(more…)

Edwards: Those Dirty Jooos

February 21st, 2007 at 9:35 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

JohnBoy Edwards took a break this week from channeling the ghosts of dead children to point out – once again, and emphatically, for the Defeatocrat lobby – that the greatest threat to world peace is indeed the Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos.

There are other emerging fissures, as well. The aggressively photogenic John Edwards was cruising along, detailing his litany of liberal causes last week until, during question time, he invoked the “I” word — Israel. Perhaps the greatest short-term threat to world peace, Edwards remarked, was the possibility that Israel would bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities. As a chill descended on the gathering, the Edwards event was brought to a polite close.

Support for Israel in the U.S. has lately become bafflingly multi-cultural, representing an alliance between diaspora Jews, traditional Zionists and evangelicals. Support from Christian zealots, who now represent about one third of Israel’s tourist business, is welcomed even though, according to evangelical doctrine, Judgment Day will bring the ultimate destruction of Israel and death to most of its residents.

Shortly after the interview, the Vanity Fair journalist tried his best to suck the pants off of Edwards in the green room, but was beaten back by Edwards’ staff of bodyguards.

And, inexplicably, a bafflingly high number of liberal Joooooooooooooos will waddle up to the voting booth and vote Defeatocrat in ’08. Maybe some of my yiddish commenters can enlighten me on how that happens year after year.

(via THS)

Mullah Mur-diddly-urdler!

February 20th, 2007 at 4:25 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

There is a minor uproar in the bedwetter-o-sphere over Insty’s alleged call for the murder of our enemies.

In fact, pants-shitting Colorado law professor Paul Campos openly wept onto the pages of the Rocky Mountain News recently in a limp-wristed attack on Insty due to Insty’s hurtful commentary.

Murder is the premeditated unlawful killing of a human being. Glenn Reynolds, the well-known University of Tennessee law professor who authors one of the Internet’s most popular blogs, recently advocated the murder of Iranian scientists and clerics.
“We should be responding quietly, killing radical mullahs and Iranian atomic scientists . . . Basically, stepping on the Iranians’ toes hard enough to make them reconsider their not-so-covert war against us in Iraq,” Reynolds wrote.

Of course Iran is not at war with America, but just as Reynolds spent years repeating Bush administration propaganda about Iraq’s nonexistent weapons of mass destruction, he’s now dutifully repeating the administration’s claims about supposed Iranian government involvement in Iraq’s civil war.

Mmmmmkay….. Campos’ trademark lefty moral-outrage-driven hyperventilation is amusing at best, and tedious at worst. This is just a sample of the drivel that is cascading from the keyboards of the ass-o-sphere as a result of Reynolds’ excellent recommendation. There was really no need for Insty to defend himself, but, as usual, he does so with aplomb.

Personally, I believe we should go a hell of a lot further than simply whacking some scientists, mad mullahs and other government officials. It’s time for the little Hitlers in Teheran and Damascus to glow in the dark. Turn the Syrian and Iranian Governments into radiation-emitting rubble. The best way to help the Iranian government with its nuclear program is to give them an up-close look at how atomic weaponry works.

If we weren’t a third(second?)-tier blog, some Churchillian faculty ass-clown might produce some emotional column attacking us, but alas…

Speaking of target-rich environments, here is an excellent location to hit first.

Get Prepared For 2027

February 20th, 2007 at 1:13 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

More geek humor. I’m starting to wonder if we’re narrowing our demographic with this nonsense. Oh well. Start saving now for that McWindows OS-based toaster.

(via the RMBlog)

Throw Pacman From The Train

February 20th, 2007 at 9:23 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Titanic Thug Pacman Jones have did it again. This time, Pac was kickin’ it with the rest of the thugs at the NBA “All Star” weekend in Vegas.

Cofield said Jones, accompanied by a large posse, entered the club late Sunday night with a “Glad Bag” full of dollar bills, and soon began throwing the money at the dancers (“making it rain”). Rappers Nelly and Jermaine Dupri were also at the club, and were throwing money at the dancers from “blocks of singles”.

Two of the strippers allegedly began to fight over the cash, and in part because of that confusion, the club owners turned on the lights in an effort to get all the patrons to exit the club.

Cofield noted that after Jones and his group left the club, there were allegedly multiple gunshots from automatic weapons coming from Jones’ entourage, resulting in two bouncers being shot (both are in critical condition) and a woman also getting hit with the gunfire (condition unknown).

The XM Fox Sports radio report I just listened to reported that when Pac was asked to leave the B.O.C. (breast observation center), he let the security guards know that he was “gonna kill them”. Instead he sent some of his homies to do the job.

So, Coach Fisher, does Pac get a pass on this once as well since he didn’t spit on any of his bizitches or beat any of his hos?

UPDATE: Allegedly.

Meet The Truthers

February 19th, 2007 at 8:35 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

(via Ace)

Certainly by now, you’re familiar with the cult of the Truther. They’re a group of mental midgets who lash out at society by claiming that 9/11 was an inside job, blah, blah, blah. They really don’t merit any attention, but it’s fun when someone takes the time to set their stupidity to digital media. The following video is part 1 of 5 – it sets the tone for you, but you should go through and watch all of them.

It’s simultaneously funny and pathetic that these walking, talking stool samples get any type of exposure, but, again, it’s always best to know the enemy. With any luck, Michael Moore will mistake some of these fuckers for 5-foot fried chicken tenders at their next get-together and consume them with honey-mustard. And not in the usual way the truthers lay around gobbling up each others’ tragic naked leavings after they oil themselves up during a particularly exciting episode of Hardball.

If You Think This Is Funny

February 19th, 2007 at 1:52 pm by Cranky

… you’re probably a geek like me.

Does it work for you? if so why?

Sirloin tip, McGehee

Sudden Jihadi Speedbump Syndrome

February 19th, 2007 at 10:53 am by Smantix

Another case of Sudden Jihadi Rage Syndrome or typical Nashville driver? You be the judge:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A local cab driver allegedly tried to run over two customers after a fight over religion became heated.
The incident happened early Sunday morning on the Vanderbilt campus and left one man hospitalized and a cab driver arrested, said police

Two students visiting from Ohio were coming from a bar downtown when they got into an argument with their driver over religion, said police. After they paid the driver he allegedly ran them down in a parking lot.

Nothing fosters multicultural understanding like converting your opposition by treating them like speed bumps in front of the Loews Vanderbilt Plaza.

Ibrihim Ahmned, of United Cab, was arrested and charged with assault, attempted homicide and theft.

Turns out the cabbie was also driving on a suspended license and a stolen license plate.

No word yet on whether this will be prosecuted as a hate crime. And doubtful we will.

Throw Omar From The Train

February 18th, 2007 at 4:53 pm by Smantix

Say, you’re a London HR generalist and you’ve got a position to fill for a graveyard shift schlep job cleaning train cars at night.

Would you hire this guy? (anonymous tip to Sweetness & Light)

New Hire

A convicted drugs dealer, Khayam wore a suicidebomber style vest at a London protest last year.

Fanatics around him waved placards supporting the July 7 London bombings and called for new terror attacks in the demonstration outside the Danish embassy.

Of course not, that’s why you’re not a London HR generalist you rabid Islamophobe.

Subway stations across the UK remain on high alert for other suicide bombers qualified applicants to take his place.

A writer writes always
Just make it look like an accident!
Like when I went on The View.

He Who Smelt It, Dealt It

February 18th, 2007 at 12:43 pm by Smantix

Mad Dog Madeline Halfbright’s hoof prints are all over the “flood the zone” coverage the Council on Foreign Relations is giving to Iran and Russia. From the NY Times, to the Tehran Times to an upcoming Newsweek piece, the CFR’s Dukakisinian helmeted think tank operators are pre-emptively striking an unconditional surrender pose as the best course of action for dealing with Ahmadinejad/the 12th imam and the rising Neo-Soviet interference in Iran and the world over:

I Want You
I WANT YOU! - to kiss Iran’s ass

The bottom line: Washington must accept certain distasteful facts—beginning with Iran’s ascendance as a regional power and the staying power of its regime. It should open talks with Iran, not in order to limit its growing power—an impossibility—but with a view toward regulating it and curbing potential excesses. In other words, Washington should embrace a policy of détente, just as it did in the past with such seemingly intractable enemies as China and the Soviet Union.

Could Tehran ultimately prove to be as willing a negotiating partner as Beijing and Moscow once were? There are reasons to hope so.

That last sentence is so loaded that it’s practically dripping with sour cream and bacon bits. And it’s a telling portent of what the Surrender Caucus of the Democrat Party inhabiting the CFR thinks our diplomatic efforts should be towards Tehran. As if our policy towards China and Russia is something worth emulating.

(more…)

Vegazuela

February 17th, 2007 at 2:12 pm by Smantix

Banned in Venezuela, we have been declared “six meats too many”.

Due to strict price controls, Six Meat Buffet will no longer be made available in Venezuela.

We regret our inability to deliver sizzling flank steaks of satire to the Cuban Venezuelan people from this point on. You have our best wishes if not our meat in your mouth.

(ed. note: You don’t win Bolivarian revolutions with salad.)

The People’s Update: The clock is ticking, by the way, on how long it’s going to take for the Neo-communist Left to punch the time clock and concede that Chavez is more than just a bit “thuggish”.

But then again, they always do tend to be the smiling grocery store greeters for South American Stalinists.

Let Them Eat King Cake

February 17th, 2007 at 1:42 pm by Smantix

“Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.”
H. L. Mencken

For anyone whoever wondered, the Chocolate City has a blood-red cordial cherry center. Ask any of the 9 people shot for the start of Mardi Gras.

Considering New Orleans’ increasing unpopularity with the US public, I suggest a non-binding resolution cutting all funding to the city. We will undermine their national efforts at tourism and strategically redeploy the New Orleans Saints to Utah and reunite them with The Jazz.

When given the choice, Americans are overwhelmingly choosing to vomit and piss themselves elsewhere.

It’s absurd that we keep trying to force democracy on these people at the end of a gun beer-soaked parade of crossdressers on party floats.

Head Nagin in Charge
New Orleans – Victims or complicit of rampant Nag-lect

They are clearly not ready to govern themselves.

Let them eat King Cake.

Of Cults, Non-Ian Astbury Related

February 17th, 2007 at 12:30 pm by Smantix

Heretical hijinks afoot in the island nation of Vanuatu. The self-proclaimed “World’s Happiest Place” has taken their beachside blasphemy to the streets to celebrate a mystical white saviour:

World War II and the arrival of US troops on Vanuatu was a defining time for the movement. They had a name for their spiritual deity. He was John Frum.

Villagers believe that their messiah was responsible for delivering to them the munificence of the US military.
[...]
They were awestruck by the army’s cargo of tanks, weapons, refrigerators, food and medicine.

“One day he will come back,” he says.

“John is our god,” declares village chief Isaac Wan, who beats his fists into the ground to emphasise his words.

Preston may have to start re-thinking his options about where to move considering this development.

You could rule Vanuatu as as their albino god with an i-Pod and a Sam’s Club membership. And unless my CIA book is wrong, you can buy some lagoon-front mansion for $40k US.

About 20% of Tanna’s population of 30,000 follow the teachings of one of the world’s last remaining cargo cults.

Other islanders can barely disguise their contempt for it.

A Christian youth worker told me how he thought the cult was childish. “It’s like a baby playing games,” he insisted. “Those people are holding on to a dream that will never come true,” he said.

Those crazy kids. While lacking a consistent source of potable water, it appears they are experiencing a surfeit of irony.

We may have to take a road trip and straighten everything out.

Da Plane Da Plane

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s three white guys from Tennessee, one from Philadelphia and a smokin’ hot chick from California!
We’re saved!

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