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Archive for March, 2007



Breast Kept Secret

March 30th, 2007 at 9:52 pm by Smantix

For all of the bad press spilling out of the top of the news bra this week, you would think that boobies never had a better advocate than Elizabeth Edwards. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to sit here and let Nature’s meatballs keep being maligned this way.

I am pushing myself away from the Bad Breast Buffet. I have had enough.

The UK’s Wellcome Trust has funded a survey that asserts that free range racks might just save us all from the AIDS. The “B” in BBC stands for Buxom:

Breastfeeding alone cuts HIV risk

Breastfeeding is the ‘best option’ for mothers in developing countries

Exclusively breastfeeding until a baby is six-months old can significantly reduce the risk of mother-to-child HIV transmission, an African study says.

It’s time we stop conserving our nation’s most valuable resource. It’s time to release the strategic reserves. Our lives depend on this, ladies. Big Pharma keeps trying to sell us on the hype but you’ve got the cure in your Cross-Your-Heart.

Let’s stop AIDS together and nip this thing in the bud.

Precious Natural Resources
If it fails, it won’t be because we didn’t try.

UDDERLY UPDATED: That would be funded by the UK Wellcome Trust and not the “eat beet roots to fight AIDS” mismanagers of the third world that Bone-O thinks we should send billions in foreign aid. The bad news? The UK Wellcome Trust is Margaret Sanger related so tit tang may be a trojan for eugenically wiping out the weed races.

For any readers concerned that they may be exposed to tainted titty, please forward the breasts in question for a free visual inspection to smantix(-no-)@(-spam/flapjacks-)yahoo.com.

UPDATE (Cranky):
Michele, this may or may not help. But hey, at Six Meat Buffet we try to please you, our dear customers™.

The Best Album of All Time

March 30th, 2007 at 8:55 am by Cranky

Imagine that you’re flying to Australia for a fabulous vacation. All is going well until the number three engine catches fire. The pilot in a concerned but steady voice informs you that the plane is losing altitude and that you should prepare for a water landing in the Pacific Ocean.

Fortunately for you, you were actually listening to the stewardess’ pre-flight safety instructions. The plane descends. There is turbulence and the sounds of panic from your fellow passengers. Suddenly there is a horrible noise as the plane hits the water and rebounds like a giant skipping stone. You don’t remember much beyond that – only screams of panic and gut-wrenching sounds of metal and plastic breaking.

When you regain consciousness, you are smartly attached to your floatation device and in eyeshot of an island. Tragically, no one else listened to the stewardess so you appear to be the only survivor. One idiot almost made it, but he strapped himself to the Black Box thinking it was indestructible. It is, but it also weighs 700lbs.

Where was I. Oh yeah. When you finally make it to the shore of the beach and take a personal inventory – ten toes, two arms, etc. – you conclude that you are indeed alive and well.

You are now free practice the only island discipline you prepared for throughout high school and college. You think about the one album you would have with you if you were marooned on a desert island which miraculously has a record player.

So, what is the album?

For me, it’s easy. Quadrophenia. It’s The Who at their musical high point and dang near their creative zenith. From age 16 though 41, there has always been something in those four records sides to enjoy. And don’t even get me started about the life milestones that are marked with the songs. Best songs; The Real Me, The Punk and the Godfather, I’m One and Dr. Jimmy.

(h/t to Billy for the suggestion)

Halliburton! Cheney! Feinstein?

March 29th, 2007 at 9:11 am by Cranky

Oops!

You would think that, considering all the money Feinstein’s family has pocketed by waging global warfare while ignoring the plight of wounded American soldiers, she would show a smidgeon of shame and resign from the entire Senate, not just a subcommittee. Conversely, you’d think she might stick around MILCON to try and fix the medical-care disaster she helped to engineer for the vets who were suckered into fighting her and Bush’s panoply of unjust wars.

I just love it when leftist cant is turned inwards on one of their own.

From the Jawa Report, which asks why isn’t Katie Couric and company all over it?

2008 Straw Poll

March 28th, 2007 at 9:22 pm by Cranky

Beth at My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is hosting the GOP candidate straw poll stuff.

You should participate if only to offset Fred Thompson’s huge lead. From what I know about Thompson, he’s very tough on crime and really likes to go by the book, even though that sometimes pisses off Sam Watterson.

I want Giuliani because he has proven to be a fiscal conservative and would most likely have strong appeal to left-leaning moderates.

I could be wrong, however. I just type stuff up from my basement.

Dennis Miller Schools Rosie

March 28th, 2007 at 8:43 pm by Cranky

This clip from The View may be old. But with Rosie shooting off about “Gulf of Tonkin” and Truther crap, it is very refreshing to see Dennis Miller standing in as a proxy for us and (respectfully) slaying her sacred cows.

The Human Cost of Illegal Immigration

March 27th, 2007 at 10:34 pm by Cranky

Perhaps the most important video you will see between now and ten minutes from now.

(Sirloin tip, My hero, Jonah Goldberg @ The Corner)

Pre-season Toad Blogging

March 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am by Cranky

Check out this behemoth from Australia.


I’m Juggernaut, Beayatch

Tragically, the Aussies are engaging in some Anti-South American bigotry. (Don’t read the whole article, trust me).

(Sirloin tip to Linda Sog)

This Is What You Get

March 26th, 2007 at 11:30 am by Cranky

When you reflexively choose “peace” over force or the threat of force you get this:

Carter’s resolve not to do anything sent a clear message to Iran: It’s party time with American prestige and power in the world. The 53 hostages came home alive, and thousands of people have died since as a direct result of Iran’s boldness and deceit, including hundreds of Americans murdered in cold blood. Iran did not get the Shah, the original object of the hostage seizure, but it got the gift that just keeps giving. The knowledge it can flaunt international law and push around opponents well over its weight. It has been spreading terrorism throughout the Middle East ever since, sparking and fanning the flames of war.

Since Crittenden puts it better than I could, I’ll just have you follow the links. What else can I add except that Carter still sucks?

Eat at Joe’s, Really Good Crap!

March 26th, 2007 at 8:48 am by Cranky

No kidding. Seriously. Read on:

… But what got us was a tiny blurb, repeated in excruciating, expanded detail on the back [of the menu], about the expensive new septic system the restaurant had installed. Average restaurant effluent, they told us, was in the range of 150-300 parts per million, but this whiz-bang new system had dropped theirs down to 18 PPM and the effluent appeared clear if you looked at in a glass. All this right there in the menu, so as you were anticipating your meal you got to ponder the benefits of bio-activated septic systems and restaurant grease-trap effluent. [emphasis in original]

I’m hoping the SeeDub family didn’t need to use the restroom. When they say the tp is made from “75% post-consumer waste”, I pray that it wasn’t tp in its past life.

The Upbraid Smantix Invitational

March 25th, 2007 at 11:47 pm by Smantix

Have I wronged you in the past? Made you feel bad? Pissed all over your little parade?
(more…)

So Articulate, So Clean!

March 25th, 2007 at 9:56 pm by Cranky

I am referring to Evan Sayet, a “9/13 Republican”, former New York liberal and Hollywood writer.*

Like the Global Warming documentary, this is a long video (45 min.) which is well worth your time. I’ll echo a comment by Ace on this – go five minutes with it and you’ll want to see the whole thing.

* In short, everything I want to be when I grow up.

Operation: Desert Burberry

March 25th, 2007 at 4:57 pm by Smantix

Why must we harangue Iran so? We already know they’re a little high strung and suffer from a nuclear bout of penis envy yet still we poke and prod expecting them to just sit there and take it in their Members Only jackets.

Kidnapped British soldiers had absolutely no business, none, for their ill-advised intentional invasion of the Greater Iranian Islamic Republic. The crooks and liars over at the appropriately named Crooks & Liars told me so!

(more…)

Russia and Europe Sittin’ In A Tree

March 25th, 2007 at 1:51 pm by Smantix

The London Times finds an unexpected valentine in it’s commentary pages today as the current Tsar of Russia breaks out the candy and flowers in a selectively inaccurate portrayal of the history between Europe and the Evil Empire. Prompting two questions. Why now? And what’s in this for you?

Russia is Europe’s natural ally

(ed. note – Ignore that whole Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact thingy)

Vladimir Putin
[...]
A stable, prosperous and united Europe is in our interests (As long as that’s *in your interests*). European integration is an integral part of the emerging multipolar world order (Wonder who he’s referring to there). That the EU is becoming an increasingly authoritative and influential centre of world politics, considerably contributing to regional and global security, is important (your global penis is large in size).
(more…)

Crisis Averted

March 24th, 2007 at 4:56 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

For those of you gnashing your teeth about the dust-up between some smelly Iranian seamen and the Brits, don’t worry. We’ve got a secret weapon who has dealt with the Iranians before. He knows what he’s doing.

Former President Jimmy Carter has stepped forward and offered to mediate the escalating crisis between Iran and Britain over 15 British marines seized by Iran for allegedly entering their territorial waters.

“As everyone knows, I have tremendous hands-on experience in handling a crisis of this nature,” said Carter, who spoke briefly to reporters during a break from building a house for former Guantanamo Bay prisoners. “And I understand the Iranians. The manner in which you negotiate with them is highly dependent on the specifics of the issue. And in this case, where their sovereignty has been violated by tea-loving imperialists, a deft touch is critical.”

Oh, there’s more. Enjoy.

If A Liberal Republican Falls In The Woods…

March 24th, 2007 at 1:24 pm by Smantix

Are Democrats the only ones who can hear it? Apparently so.

The Final Eight

March 24th, 2007 at 1:01 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Heading into the weekend’s Elite Eight round, here are your standings…

I feel like a fool for picking Memphis to win the whole thing, though, cuz they ain’t gonna.

The Kommie Klux Klan

March 23rd, 2007 at 11:51 pm by Smantix

LGF has finally obtained video from the “support the troops” rally held in Oregon during the nationwide ANSWER rallies last week.

Maybe a brother with some DSL can hook an analog, cyberluddite like Smantix up on the song they’re chanting.

All I know is that:

When you say that “liberals” do not care about the well being of our nation’s military–that they do not support the troops–it is you who is showing them hate. And for that you should be ashamed.

So very, very ashamed.

UPDATE:
Yea, I would change my little “nugget of whatever” too after that.

25% Tip to S & L who served up this charming bowl of ghoulash from The People’s Portland Tribune:

This splinter group of protesters showed its support for “peace” by burning a U.S. soldier in effigy. It exhibited its supposedly pacifist nature by knocking a police officer off his bike — an action that brought out the police riot squad.

Perhaps the most disturbing scene of the afternoon, however, involved the man who pulled down his pants in front of women and children and defecated on a burning U.S. flag. This disgusting act actually elicited cheers from some members of the crowd, but we hope that the emotion it produces in the community is one of revulsion.
[...]
a few do create a public perception that at least some advocates for peace are anti-American, anti-police and far out of step with mainstream values.

The anti-war demonstrators who behaved responsibly this past weekend have an obligation to denounce — and distance themselves from — those protesters who purposefully offend others and consequently destroy the intended message of peace.

*crickets chirp*

Interview With a Big Tough Guy

March 23rd, 2007 at 10:16 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Hi. Sir. Hi.

 
 
 

Wha?

 
 
 

So, you’re a big man. Right? Big tough guy?
You look like a big tough guy.

 
 
 

Yeah, you bet your ass I’m tough. I’m a cop.

 
 
 

So what do you go, about 250 pounds or so?

 
 
 

Eh, give or take a few. What the hell do you want?

 
 
 

So, I guess a big tough guy like you could
pretty much whale on a 115-pound female bartender.
Right?

 
 
 

Hey, she was asking for it.
She wouldn’t give me another drink, the bitch.

 
 
 

Well, then, I can certainly see why you felt
the need to beat her unmerciful. She was
very hurtful towards you.

 
 
 

Nobody tells Anthony Abbate what to do!

 
 
 

I suppose as an officer of the peace, you felt the need
to demonstrate this policy by beating a small woman to pieces.
Then have your friends threaten the bar owner
and the bartender to keep her from testifying.
I can see where that would have been very
troublesome towards you.

 
 
 

It’s okay. I went to rehab.

 
 
 

Fantastic then.

 
 
 

*Video

Sweet Sixteen, Biatches

March 22nd, 2007 at 3:08 pm by Preston Taylor Holmes

Tipoff 9:55 pm ET – Vols vs. Buckeyes.

And the contest standings as of the Sweet Sixteen…

It’s on, Deliverance. It’s on.

*Thanks to A-Ron for forwarding the photoshop.

Trailing Badly in the Dim 2008 Race, Edwards Eyes the Sympathy Vote

March 22nd, 2007 at 11:59 am by Preston Taylor Holmes

Running hard, but losing ground while chasing the political ambulances of Hitlery and Osama Hussein, John Edwards has decided to play the “C” card. C for sympathy.

WASHINGTON — John Edwards announced Thursday that his wife, Elizabeth, has had a recurrence of cancer, and it has spread from her breast to her bones. John Edwards said the net result is that bone cancer can not be cured, it can only be treated.

“The biopsy showed the cancer had returned, It was malignant, so the net result of all the tests is that her cancer is back, it is largely confined in bone, which is a good thing,” Edwards said from their hometown of Chapel Hill, N.C.

Edwards made no plans to suspend his campaign. He and his wife attended a campaign-related barbecue in their hometown of Chapel Hill, N.C., on Wednesday night. The couple is going together to California, Boston and New York for events scheduled through the week end.

“The campaign goes on, the campaign goes on strongly,” John Edwards said.

“I intend to do all the things I did last week, next week,” Elizabeth Edwards said.

It is not clear how many points Edwards will now rise in the polls, but the Senator is hopeful that this turn for the worse will ignite his third-place-and-falling candidacy.

UPDATE: I’m not the only one calling it like it is.

UNINTENDED HILARITY UPDATE: As the silky pony show was initially leaked to the news media, the scuttlebutt was that Prince Edwards was going to drop out of the race. Ryan Sager (via Insty) notes the difference in before & after coverage from Emotional Andy:

Perhaps this is a bit cynical, but…

What will all the folks say who just said Mr. Edwards had his priorities straight in dropping out?

Particularly amusing: Andrew Sullivan vs. Andrew Sullivan…

Here’s Mr. Sullivan at 12:17: “Edwards Suspends Campaign: He does it because his wife has a recurrence of cancer in some degree to be further explored. It is of a piece with his character to do this; and a simple testament that he has the right priorities and values to be a president of the United States.”

Here’s Mr. Sullivan at 12:39: “Edwards Forges On: The campaign should go on, as life goes on. It should neither help nor hurt it. But I will say this: Elizabeth Edwards is a truly remarkable human being. And her marriage is an inspiration to all of us.”

Heh, Indeed! Which is it, sweetcakes? Family hero or The Greatest American Hero? I guess he’s just the Greatest American Situational Hero.

UPDATE THE THIRD: Right Wing Duck has a very insensitive poll. Horribly insensitive.

Quiet Democratization

March 21st, 2007 at 7:47 pm by Cranky

Courtesy of Publius Pundit – some encouraging news out of Muslim Africa

This isn’t to say that Mauritania is a shining bright spot on the world. It’s one of the only places in the world where slavery is still practiced to a large degree; racial has historically been extreme. Economic and cultural liberalization have been slow to take hold and in most cases outright suppressed since independence.

Yet politically, Mauritania is becoming generations ahead of its neighbors in the rest of Africa and the Middle East. The development of a more democratic system, complete with free elections and a newly found spirit of civil and political society, has clearly put the country on the path of liberalization.

RTWT

Some Pretty Good Photoshops

March 21st, 2007 at 1:06 pm by Cranky
khalidshaikhrosie2.jpg

More good stuff from David Lunde who appears to be an extremely rare find – a graphic designer with conservative leanings and (whispers) might even be hetero.

The Secular Faith – The Passion

March 21st, 2007 at 7:36 am by Cranky

18 … as was the custom of the time, Pilate brought the bill before the people. “Which of these two bills would you like passed into law? Shall I pass the law that curtails the power of the Food and Drug administration to regulate the color of cheddar cheese or shall I pass the law which compels you to turn your headlights on when you operate your windshield wipers?”

19 Now in the crowds were activists and lobbyists for the dairy industry and they worked the crowds into a frenzy. Wanting to protect their jobs and to prevent others from making cheddar cheese, they started to chant, “headlights, headlights!” The mob joined in.

20 Pilate said to the gathered masses, “This cheese coloring law is perhaps the most useless one on the books. You would eat food dye at the whims of the government?”

21 The crowds only chanted louder. “By passing the headlight law,” Pilate continued, “you invite more government regulation into your lives and the consequence of being punished for non-compliance.”

22 “We have no parent but the Nanny State! Let the laws be upon our heads and our children’s heads!”

23 Then Pilate had a bowl of water brought before him. Washing his hands in their presence he told them, “Very well. Have this law which requires you to have your headlights on when you run your windshield wipers. This law and many after it will be upon your heads. I am hereby resigning my position and accepting a lucrative position in lobbying.”

Other verses here and here.

An Inconvenient PowerPoint Presentation

March 20th, 2007 at 11:06 am by Cranky

This morning was my daughter’s class presentation day. Parents were invited so I took the morning off to attend.

The Princess did a great presentation on bones. What she said wasn’t as nearly as impressive as how she said it. Although usually softspoken, she was clear and loud enough to hear from the back. With increasing frequency, I am very proud of her.

Then there was the second presentation…

The young lady was a gifted speaker. Her topic, on the other hand, was a real joke.

GLOBAL WARMING

She made such assertions that when the Arctic ice melts, animals will have to swim further to get rest and that not all scientists agree on Global Warming.

Among the many scientific disagreements regarding Global Warming’s effects, the most shocking was that some scientists think that the world will explode (no, I’m not making this up).

In summary, this report was so full of fearmongering and misinformation that I was sure it was the highlight reel from Gore’s new movie. The only substantial difference between her presentation and Leonardo DiCaprio’s goings on at the Oscars was the fact that the girl was only ten years old.

The silver lining was that at the conclusion, the young lady was required to tell the audience what she learned from the project.

She replied that she enjoyed learning how to do a multimedia presentation.

UPDATE: Annika has found the real cause of Global Warming. The correllation is there, therefore the causal relationship is certain.

The Ugly Face of Tolerance

March 19th, 2007 at 7:52 am by Cranky

From the Fremont, California Argus:

While trying to eject 71-year-old Barbara Marques from the monthly gathering Monday, the Rev. Garnet McClure grabbed and shook the chair in which Marques was sitting, attendee Sharon Giottonini said.

McClure, a female pastor at Fremont Congregational Church, reacted after Marques said the 2002 slaying of transgender teen Gwen Araujo might not be a hate crime, several witnesses said.

It gets better. A four members of the Minutemen are there but as residents of Fremont. Quoth one:

Among the alliance meeting’s dozen attendees were four members of the East Bay Coalition for Border Security. Some coalition members also have joined the Fremont branch of the Minutemen, a national group opposing illegal immigration.

Giottonini and other coalition members said that Monday’s incident is part of a pattern in Fremont where their free-speech rights aren’t as protected by the community as other groups.

“I’d hate to think what would happen to one of our members had they behaved like that,” she said.

Is there a more irony-challenged group than the “liberal activist”?

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