The Carbon Offset Legends

March 10th, 2007 at 1:44 am by Cranky

This imperiled planet is a better place today. Our very own Billy has purchased his first carbon offset and has earned a place in the Six Meat Buffet Green Alternatives Initiative hall of honor.

Billy’s generosity has not only offset enough CO2 for him to belch out his name, but has earned him the status of Platinum Donor.

In addition, this tree has been named in his honor.

Remember, it is not too late to do your part so you won’t die.

EARTH ALERT UPDATE!Buffet Friend and Gaia Lovemonkey, Michael O’Connor has seen the light!

Thanks to your generous donation, this frog will survive.

You see, if no one gave, I was going to pound it to death with a rubber mallet. Michael, he’s yours just provide an address and we’ll get him to you.

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6 Responses to “The Carbon Offset Legends”

1. Cappy Says:
   March 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am

   Have they outlawed farting yet?

2. Cranky Says:
   March 3rd, 2007 at 3:13 pm

   Probably in parts of California.

3. Rhod Says:
   March 3rd, 2007 at 6:09 pm

   What kind of credit do I get for stopping by 6MB, Cranky?

4. Billy Says:
   March 3rd, 2007 at 6:11 pm

   Nah…considering the high burrito consumption here, let me assure you that farting is still very much en vogue in California.

   While we are on the subject, one thing I have discovered coaching girls basketball is that when teenage girls get together they are every bit as apt to let one rip as boys would.

   Especially at the free throw line. A common tactic to distract the opponent’s shot.

   In fact, I should probably purchase a few more off-sets just to balance out their flatulence.

5. Michael O'Connor Says:
   March 3rd, 2007 at 8:43 pm

   I’m here to testify . . . After purchasing but one single carbon offset I haven’t felt this guilt-free since my second confession in third grade where I repented before Father Kenney for minimizing the number, variety, and seriousness of my sins the previous Saturday in my first,

   Also, there was the added mental bondage of having ground my molars deep into the body of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ when I had been instructed to let him rest upon my tongue like a flavorless Lifesaver and melt into my soul.

   But that’s all in the past. Had I known 42 years ago freedom from guilt was so easy I would have forgone nine large Cherry Icees one summer and not carried this load around so long.

   Thanks Cranky. I’m free at last.

6. Cranky Says:
   March 4th, 2007 at 1:07 pm

   Michael,

   Bless you my child. Your love donation to Gaia is being recorded and your gift will be posted shortly.