Mrs. Pacman About To Run Out of Quarters
April 11th, 2007 at 12:54 am by SmantixAnd the frontrunner for Mother of the Year is….(drum roll please)
Upon hearing the news that her delinquent son, Punkman Jones, was suspended from the NFL for only one year in response to inciting an attempted 1st degree double homicide after being shown the door of a strip club for assaulting one of the dancers:
Deborah Jones, said: “I just pray that this can be changed. This is not fair for him. It’s just not fair.”
But Mrs. Pacman continued, “He’s young, 23 years old. You’ve been 23. You’ve hung up with the right crowd. Lighten up on him.”
Ricky Williams was given a harsher sentence for smoking a joint than Pacman Jones is for having one of his entourage (who is still at Large) attempt to murder people.
Punkman himself was saddened by the news but could not be reached because he was spending the day with his baby daughter. Say again?
Teaching her how to dance on the brass pole while Daddy “makes it rain”? How is this thug allowed access to a baby?
If Chief Spanky had any balls under that curly tail of his, Punkman’s daughter would be in protective child services already.
An Urbanski support site paints Punkman’s night on the town a little less innocently than mee-maw did:
Eyewitnesses allege the shooter was a patron of the Minxx club that evening, seen entering the club and partying side-by-side with NFL Tennessee Titans football star Adam ‘Packman’ (sic-k) Jones. Club video surveillance also corroborates eyewitness accounts. The shooting occurred after Jones was restrained and ejected by club security for repeatedly and viciously assaulting a woman inside the club. Just prior to being ejected from the club, along with the rest of Jones’s entourage, eyewitnesses allege that Jones made direct death threats to club security personnel who had restrained him, stating they would be dead before the night was over. Within minutes of Jones’s death threat, the bouncer who had restrained Jones, along with Tommy and another female patron, were shot multiple times just outside the clubs front entrance.
Please “lighten up” on poor Punkman. After all, who hasn’t wanted to rain gunfire on the strip club after paying $10 for the bottomless mug.
April 11th, 2007 at 7:28 am
Too bad Punkman is so short. His antics would earn him a bonus in the NBA. It’s a good thing we protect our star athletes from things like “jail time” and “responsibility for their actions” or the quality of play in most pro sports would surely suffer.
April 11th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
“Mrs. Pacman About To Run Out of Quarters”
Thanks, Smantix…that headline alone was worth it.
“Teaching her how to dance on the brass pole while Daddy “makes it rain”?”
Well, maybe. Diet Coke all over the keyboard. I’m billing your ass for the repair bill…
April 11th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
[...] Smantix: Punkman himself was saddened by the news but could not be reached because he was spending the day with his baby daughter. Say again? [...]
April 11th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I guess I was being a little “too inside” for the making it rain reference.
How the nightclub shooting went was Punkman allegedly won $87,000 in Las Vegas. In ones. And took his alleged winnings in a garbage bag to the strip club so that he could throw the money up in the air and “make it rain” while he was beating up the
hookerstripper.This is so unfair to him.
April 11th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Who didn’t get the “making it rain” reference? That was part of the news story, no?
Anyway, it’s about time a major sports league cracked down on athletes who feel they above the law. The commissioner was correct when he said that it is not good enough “as an employee of the NFL” that athletes avoid conviction of crimes.
April 11th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
It’s killing me that Ricky Williams got an indefinite suspension for weed while Randy Moss assaults a meter maid with his SUV, Albert Haynesworth gets 5 games for stomping on a dude’s head with his spiked foot, Pacman and his buddies are running serious drugs and shooting people. Michael Irvin didn’t even get it that bad when he got caught with all that coke, strippers and dildos.
Weed is not a performance enhancing drug. If Ricky Williams can rush for 1500 yards a year against your defense stoned out of his head, you need to get your Defensive Coordinator to start implementing a different Dime package to counter him.
April 17th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
There is nothing as unconditional as a mother’s love. Of course that doesn’t mean that some mothers can’t be really, really stupid.