Because Depressed College Students Shouldn’t Have A Monopoly On Bad Poetry
April 16th, 2007 at 10:22 am by CrankyKyoto
April Sixteen Two Thousand and Seven. A Day of Wreckening. George, Jorge, Whore-Hey! Why would you not sign Kyoto?
Slush from the Heaven of your “God” Is our doom now or The Day After Tomorrow?
Kyoto, Tokyo. History shows again and again, Nature points out the folly of man. Man. Carbon based life form. U.S. Carbon choking the sky.
Warming the poles.
Cause us to die.
Our Carbon Offset pools aren’t enough to catch the Tempest bought and paid for by Tex-Arabians.
[interminable bongo solo]
Come Albert, come Bobby Kennedy and you dear Leo. No Ark awaits us this time. Deliver us from Evil.
UPDATE
See the wee daffy dils arch their icy backs to mourn for frozen toads?
Proceed directly to comments for the rest of this gem.
April 16th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Your bad photoshopping only points out the great lengths you cave-dwellers will go to hide the fact that our earth is getting HOTTER AND HOTTER each day. The discussion on global warming is OVER, but you just don’t see the light.
To cover his ass, Bush clearly has used the technological arsenal at his disposal to make the sheeple THINK that it is colder than usual.
For example, it wasn’t REALLY 45 degrees at the Atlanta Braves game yesterday. It was actually a steaming 85 degrees.
Because any fool knows that you don’t play baseball in cold weather.
April 16th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Just a short poem that I’ve been pondering. Beware. I had a lot of practice with this while in college.
It is the springtime of the apocolypse
Put your hoofs in your boots, balloonman, and run to more mudluscious ground
It is the springtime of the apocolypse
No children can hear your flute balloonman.
No children are around.
It is the springtime of the apocolypse.
See the wee daffy dils arch their icy backs to mourn for frozen toads?
It is the springtime of the apocolypse
See insufferable pricks play violins while mother earth implodes?
April 16th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Michele, that was beautiful. However, I’m going to thumb through my folk albums to see if you’ve plagarized. It sounds good. Too good.
April 16th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Michele, you’re freakin’ brilliant…
April 16th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
I can get out my acoustic guitar and sing it if you’d like. I’ll use lots of E minor and some finger picking.
April 16th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I hate to make light of a tragic situation…but I am watching the news feeds from Virginia Tech where the massacres happened this morning…
Is that SNOW?
On April 16.
April 16th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
This seems an appropriate place to post this so here it goes:
18 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL:
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are
more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of
Iranian, Chinese, and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th-graders
how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but PETA
activists do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn
it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make “The Passion of the Christ” for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution,
while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger, Susan Sarandon, and Gloria
Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson,
General Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked
anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens
and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger
scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
18. You have to believe that this post is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
GOD BLESS AMERICA. Oops, can’t do that either!
April 16th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
That is indeed snow, Billy.
Swampy, not bad. You could make it rhyme more, however.
April 16th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m no Michele, but I can haiku:
Woe, our climate fate
Lo, Cranky’s Toads disappear
Freezing my ass off
April 16th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Molten death
Spreads across the dying planet
Mankind
Raping
Killing
Destroying
O! Gaia! O Mother Earth!
Show them the Truth!
Show them the Light!
Teach these barbarians
The planet needs saving
From their evil ways
O Government!
A Prius in every house
Solar panels on top of every home
Screw the starving poor
Corn is for Ethanol
Force them to act now!
April 16th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hey, this is getting interesting. Espresso, anyone?
April 16th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Come gather round children and hear my sad call.
Man’s not responsible for global warming at all.
The water is rising but it won’t bury the land.
The day of reckoning is not really at hand.
The water is rising but the reason is this -
Al Gore and his friends have been taking the piss.
April 16th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Oh yes, my liberal mommy
Sweet Nancy in the round
Let your legislation burn them all
like the sun through our depleted ozone
Oh yes, my retribution!
My nation, my earth
Weeps…
April 16th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
Great shit – we have to do this more often.
Since I’m short on time, I’ll simply launch this one:
A young boy says to his forlorn father:
“Mantis, mantis, mantis…
Show me a mantis.”
A sad father breaks the news:
“No, son, the internet is down.”
Ok, gotta go.
April 16th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Fuckin’-A, guys. What did I ever do to you?
April 16th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Fuckin’-A, guys. What did I ever do to you?
Started blogging at BloodyScott, that’s what!
For the Manatees!
April 17th, 2007 at 12:02 am
I prefer the Neil Young version.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:11 am
You just don’t understand that global warming is cooling the Earth. Global warming works in mysterious ways.
History shows again and again, Nature points out the folly of man.
Go, go, Gorezilla!